Financial Exile

[sasha1]

Originally Posted by Jenny

I doubt she would be able to get all the welfare if she was getting all the childsupport and spousal support. Wouldn't they claw some of it back? So her situation is would be pretty bleak with only 600 spousal and 800 child

I was thinking the same thing as Jenny. I applied for welfare in Alberta when my ex declared he would no longer pay any child support until he was ordered to, and I was looking at another 6 weeks before a court forced it. Welfare told me that child support payments are considered income for the welfare applicant/recipient, and if I recieved anything over $850 per month, no welfare would be issued. In other words, if he gave me say $875 toward child support, I would be ineligible for any welfare, and would somehow have to stretch that $875 to cover the monthly expenses for myself and two children.

[gooddadgoingmad]

Hi God Knows The Truth

I am very thankful for the support of this group...more than anyone could ever know!

Yes, I am from St. John's and am myself a two tiime graduate of memorial university! Wonderful school and wonderful city...just no @$#% jobs there!! Ha!

Every day I check out the job sites all over Canada. I am constantly keeping my eyes open for other opportunity and I am realizing how horrible it is to be so isolated here in the North. It seems as though I keep making mistakes in my life...and always as a result of desperation. I need to keep focus and remain positive! That's very difficult and just this morning I received an email from my lawyer stating that we are going to a hearing on March 13th for spousal support. STBX is asking for another $600 on top of the amount I am paying for my son of $808. If she wins I will be left with $1500 per month to live on here in the North. Food alone is about $800. I have been in a panic all day and I have never been so scared in my life!

I just emailed my lawyer to ask what her opinion is on this...if she thinks it is likely STBX will get what she is asking for. I told my lawyer that I need some sort of opinion because if she thinks it is quite possibe for STBX to be awarded this, I have to start making plans tomorrow to get out of here. What a thought! I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

[Jeff]

What sort of income does your wife receive? What's the effect of her receiving support on her benefits? You'd need to know the answer to these questions.

As I said, I just assumed she received $10,000 per annum and that there were no clawbacks if she received support. I don't know how close to reality this is. Your ex should be providing this disclosure.

I've tried to find this info on the internet, but the government is quite close lipped about it! To quote:

What are the Income Support rates?

Rates vary depending on the number of adults in the family and your living arrangements. For an assessment of your circumstances and to find out the amount of financial assistance you may be eligible to receive, contact your local District Office.

That's not very helpful!

Your lawyer should be providing some sort of opinion as to the range of spousal support. It's really hard to give an opinion without knowing all of the details of your case.

[gooddadgoingmad]

Hi Jeff..and everyone,

I am working on my lawyer to find out these things. I think my stbx is receiving approx. $9500/ year income support..just for her. This does not include my son. I did notice that she is not claiming gst tax credits and child tax benefit in her financial statement.

I have been looking for statistics on the net which show the high cost of living in the North...and have been trying to find how it compares to Nfld. This would be something, I would assume, which my lawyer could use to show the judge and other lawyer, proof of just how much more it costs to live here. Is this a good idea?

I've also just discoverd a group from Newfoundland which is called the single parents association. I notice that they have a wonderful program which allows single parents to attend classes for about 6 weeks to build job skills and a resume. It is free, just half days, and upon completion they help the client ( my ex) find suitable employment. My stbx has not tried at all to find any kind of work since the separation almost a year and a half ago. This program would be perfect for her. I know I cannot send her the pamphlet but I wonder if I should print it off to show the judge how that there are resources for her that she is not availing of. Or, am I stepping out of bounds by doing this?

She is claiming a very bogus disability...and is suddenly saying that she cannot get out of bed on certain days... I KNOW this is completely false and family and friends are literally just rolling their eyes as they see her out and about and in no way sick. Furthermore, I spent 17 years with her and I never, not once, saw her in this state. I feel like telling my stbx that perhaps I should have full custody of our son .... in my mind, if she is too sick to go to work or on some days "get out of bed" then she is technically not capable of taking proper care of a 6 year old. I know that this threat would get her to stop lieing about being unable to work due to sickness. I just hate to use any tactics like this....at the same time, how do I fight lies? Part of me feels like I have to play dirty now just to get her to stop her lies which may cause me to pay for her to live for many many year, while she sits back and does nothing.

It's so hard to know how to fight properly when you're fighting things that are perversly false.

[logicalvelocity]

gooddadgoingmad,

You can find cost of living statistics at the federal government site

Stats Can.

http://www.statcan.ca/start.html

Lv

[jlalex]

Gooddad - I really feel for your situation it seems you're damned if you and damned if you don't..it must be a really horrible place to be stuck in.

I just wanted to comment on something you wrote in you last post, when you mentioned about playing dirty..I have to say that exposing a liar for lying is hardly playing dirty..if anything negative comes of it, it is because she choose the moral low ground..she can't have it both ways..too sick to get out of bed means to sick to take care of kids. A person takes risks when they choose to lie and they need to be willing to suffer the consequences if their ploy fails.

Just a piece of my own divorce nightmare I'd like to share..when my ex and I were right in the middle of it all, he alleged that I was having an affair. Now we had been seperated for a couple of months, he stated in his affidavits that I was a nasty ol cheater blah blah..that we had never seperated and I was cheating my buns off..let me tell you when I walked in that courtroom armed with papers showing from *his own* website that he had created and added a picture of us saying here is me and my exwife and we've been seperated now for x amount of months... his case lost all credibility and you could practically see his stomach drop to his feet. He also alleged that I was a neglectful parent..called childrens aid..when the case worker showed up he just happened to be dropping off the kids stuff he took..I introduced him to the caseworker and said "so heres your chance..tell her what an awful horrible parent I am" well I think he turned a shade of white..then a little greenish..finishing off with red when he stomped out the door

You don't have to get all nasty to prove she's lying, there is a way it can be done without having to sacrifice your integrity. I was very lucky in my case..he made it remarkably easy to show what an incredible liar he was. I hope that you are successful in all that you ask for, and I do hope that you don't let this one woman harden your heart. I know this is so very hard to go through, and to hear lies about yourself from a woman who once claimed to love you. I wish I had words to make it seem not as bad as it is and to put a little brightness in your day. Hang in there, it will be over eventually. Be kind to yourself and take care of yourself.

[Grace]

I've posted this message before, so forgive me for repeating myself, but I find it so frustrating in Family Law that it is so easy for one or both parties to lie in affidavits. It can turn the whole process into a situation of who can throw the most mud and see how much will stick.

The nature of a family law case is that the interim motion is often the most important single event in the proceeding. In the last five years, the number of motions in family law has increased by 150 percent. (Ministry of the Attorney General)

Evidence is presented by affidavit. Human nature is such that it is far easier to lie on paper than in the witness box. As stated in the Ontario Civil Justice Review, First Report, the single greatest complaint about lawyers by members of the public was with respect to the damage to family relationships caused by the allegations in these affidavits - where, it is widely acknowledged, perjury is rampant and, moreover, goes unpunished.

Lawyers & clients, worry lest an allegation go unanswered. They therefore respond in kind and this continues the snowball on its course down that treacherous hill.

[jlalex]

Grace I whole heartedly agree with you, it is down right disgraceful that people not only can lie til their blue in the face in their affidavits but then receive no type of punishment..heck even a lecture..its as if its almost expected and obviously accepted. I remember I was completley devastated..I never realized my ex had that in him to be some venomous and spiteful..but I was one of the rare few that actually got some validation and justice being able to prove the truth. I was angry for a long time, but I realized the old saying is true, the best revenge is living well and thats just what I've done because frankly I deserve to not wake up angry and my kids deserve a mother who will put them first above all else.

Gooddad hang in there and know that you have the support of everyone here..and keep in mind regardless of how this turns out karma is a very powerful thing and it will all come back on her ten fold..not because you wish it but because that is just the way it is. Take care.