Financial Exile

[gooddadgoingmad]

Hi everyone,

I am a father of a 6 year old boy and have been seperated for over a year now. I am currently in the process of divorce.

When my ex and I split, I was working as a substitute teacher and supplimenting that with EI benefits. When the teaching year ended, I discovered that I was short the number of hours to reapply for EI and I soon found myself having to apply for welfare (in newfoundland) and applying for jobs doing such things as dish-washer. Unfortunatly I was unable to find any work and I realized I may have to look outside of the Province to find employment. I'd like to add that during all of this my ex or, soon to be ex, was keeping me from seeing or talking to my child. In any event, I was able to find a job....problem is that the job was in Nunavut. This is where I currently write you from. I have two university degrees and was able to find a wonderful position which pays me 78 grand a year. I also receive 18 grand for Northern Allowance which is intended to offset the extremely high cost of living.

In the meantime I have a lawyer back in Newfoundland working on my behalf. It is still in the preliminary stages but I am aware of what my stbx (soon to be ex) is asking for. Right off the bat my son will get $808/month and I have no problem with this even though my access costs are atrocious and to get home to see him twice a year will cost me approx $9000. My ex has said in her paperwork that she will settle for now with another $600 for her...but that she wants this amount to be much higher when we go to trial....(she is already assuming trial so this is not a good sign). She also mentions that this is "far less than the draft spousal support guidelines.." ???? She does not work and throughout the entire marriage (17 years) refused to work. Therefore she is currently on welfare.

I know that the grand total of what I receive annually is a high number at $96,100, but you would be shocked at how much it is costing me to live here in the arctic! It's at least 3 times what it would be in Newfoundland or any other province in Canada. I literally only see approx $1450 every two weeks. Of course, I live in government housing and they automatically deduct the rent from my cheque ( $1500/month) and I also had to take advantage of an interest free $5000 loan from the Gov of Nu just to get up here and to purchase all the outerwear and even the simple things such as a tv, bed clothes, dishes, microwave...etc....because my stbx has everything!
My point in mentioning the $5000 loan is that for 12 months I have to pay that back at $400/month which is also automatically deducted everytwo weeks..thus giving me a grand total of take home $1450 every two weeks.

Ok, so the cost of living her is insane and I also have to take into account that I MUST get home at least twice a year at which time I am asking to have my son the whole time. If she is successful in getting what she's asking for I will literally NOT be left with enough to afford to sustain myself here let alone come home to see my son.

I guess I am concerned that the judge will not take into account the extreme high cost of living. I am really struggleing here. I am depressed and my job is very demanding. I walk to work in temps that reach -45 and worse...while she drives the car and has my beautiful boy everyday. I feel as though I'll be working for nothing...just to support her so that she doesn't have to work.

Does anyone have anything to offer me here. Advice...comments from a legal perspective? I am really struggleing and I don't even get to talk to my son whom I call every single day but she refuses to allow me to talk to him.

Sorry for the long email guys. Just thought I should add some background.

Thanks everyone.

[god knows the truth]

dear gooddadgoingmad
My heart goes out to you. I feel your anguish and loneliness of being in a strange place with an unbelievable cost of living and surviving all of this with no positive outcome,Fatherwise,financially, socially, or emotionally; it seems you're enduring all of this for with no real payback.
There are TONS of people on this forum , so you're not alone, sadly enough.
When you go to court be sure to have a copy of your expenses and present them to judge. Be sure to include travelling costs to see your son--but the judge may say that you chose to move so far away , so It's your problem-yet you had to find work!catch 22!
Do you have a short term contract at this new job? Is it as job you'd want to remain at for any length of time--seems to be a huge sacrifice when you see your little guy just twice a year, pay your x minimal 600.00/month +808.00 childsupport(=1408.00) . you net 2900.00/month. 2900.00-1408.00=1492.00.
This is after all deductions are paid. Now come your bills, food, clothing, travel expenses and dare I say entertainment!?
If I've understood your financial amounts and deductions correctly, your basically left in the hole! Is it worth it. Besided the money and job etc. the main concern is that you don't see your son very often! I know you're doing it for him also but if it was me I'd rather work two lower paying jobs and be there for my child. I know your heart is in the proper place but it sounds like you're not getting a fair bargain. Several years ago my brother in law was hunting for engineering work. To make a long story short he and my sister ended up in Goosebay Labrador for a few years; she said it was the lonliest time of her life...and she said the prices were UNREAL! Two and three times what we'd pay is commonplace.
Anyway there's alot of useful info on this forum; the good new and the bad news is you're not alone.
Good luck, God bless and hope I offered some sort of help/comfort.
Bye 4 now

[Jeff]

Yikes! That's really cold!

Given that your ex is on welfare, chances are that there's not much room to negotiate child support.

Regarding spousal support, the spousal support guidlines are not legally binding. They're just one factor judges look at in determining spousal support.

A judge will definitely look at the transportation costs you incur to see your son. (You may wish to check Expedia.ca - I see round-trip flights costing $2000 - $2500, but you may not get to choose your dates that flexibly).

Your increased cost of living is certainly a factor, but this is somewhat offset by the fact that you receive a Northern Allowance.

Your debt payment is also a factor, but not that big a one because it's not really an expense.

A lawyer would need to look at all the circumstances of your case to advise you as to a proper amount of spousal support. I obviously don't know everything. That being said, $600 per month in spousal support seems a reasonable request to me.

That leaves your ex with:

welfare payments + $808 child support + $600 spousal support - income taxes + gst credit & child tax credit

I don't know what welfare in Newfoundland is, but say it's $10,000 per year. Then, according to my calculations, your ex would receive each month:
$833 welfare + $808 child support + $600 spousal spoual - $53 tax + $293 benefits = $2,438 per month to live off. That's not much for a family of two.

On the other hand, that leaves you with:
$8,000 income - $808 child support - $600 spousal support - $1,981 taxes = $4,395 per month to live off, for 1 person.

Say that out of the $4,395 per month, you need to put aside $1,000 per month to pay your debts and save money for air flights. That still leaves you with $3,395 per month, which is 40% more income than your wife and son to compensate for the increased cost of living in Nunavut. And once you've paid off your debt, you'll have 56% more income than your wife and son.

Again, each case depends on its merits. For instance, the question arises as to whether your ex could obtain employment. I'm mostly just crunching the numbers you provided. The main point is that $600 in spousal support doesn't seem outrageous and if that's what your wife's starting position is, you probably can negotiate a reasonable settlement.

[Jeff]

I also meant to say that the $600 per month of spousal support is tax deductible. By my calculation, the cost to you is $374 per month or about $86 per week.

Once you pay spousal support, you can get your employer to adjust your income tax deductions from your pay cheque to reflect the fact that your tax bill will be lower due to payment of spousal support.

The reality is that your salary is pretty good for one household. Divided between two households, it's not a lot and both households will be under considerable financial constraints.

[god knows the truth]

I read that you take home(net) 2900.00/month. Your rent has already been paid directly. If it costs three the amount to live I see you being very low on the saving barometer--am I misreading something, it still doesn't seem correct to me. Anyway I know you're not here seeking an accountant(insert smiley face), I was just trying to clarify in my own mind.
Hope today brought you a little more serenity and comfort.

[Jenny]

I doubt she would be able to get all the welfare if she was getting all the childsupport and spousal support. Wouldn't they claw some of it back? So her situation is would be pretty bleak with only 600 spousal and 800 child

[gooddadgoingmad]

I've been reading the replies to my post and I thank you for your interest and points of view. I'll try to answer all questions here and tell you my thoughts based on what Jeff has so kindly provided me with and also try to fill in the gaps with my provided info regarding my income.

Every two weeks I literally see a net of $1450 on my paystub. This amount is low because my rent of $1500 is automatically deducted every two weeks and also my payment of $400 back to the gov for the interest free loan is deducted. In 6 months this loan will be paid in full therefore my net for two weeks will be $1650 for a monthly total of $3300 / month.

From that amount there is also the deduction of $808 for child support, Currently leaving me with a grand total of just a few dollars less than $2100/ month. Yes my rent is already deducted, but from $2100 I have to pay for food which costs, and this is no exaggeration, $800 per month. ( a bottle of bbq sauce is $9.99 and milk is $12.99!) I also have my heat and light, phone and internet (which is a must living in such an isolated place which doesn't even have a bank). My montly medication costs which I pay 20% of and then I have to save to come home.

My ticket which I have booked to come home this summer costs me $3200...as I am in one of the most northern most communites and it will take me 2 days and 4 different flights just to get back home. This doesn't even take into consideration a night in a hotel both to and from, or food.

I am literally left with NO extra money after meeting my basic expenses and saving for my trip out of here. The soon to be ex is asking, in the interim, for $600 and she feels this should be much higher. I know that I won't even be able to stay here if she is awarded this amount on top of child support. I am terrified!!!

My cost of living is at least 3 times higher here, and that's conservative. Can a judge award her this amount even though it's clear from looking at my bi weekly pay stubs that I only see $1450 every two weeks?

When Jeff stated that even with those amounts my ex would ONLY have, I think he said $2500/ month for two people, I was shocked! That amount to live in Newfoundland is very, very good and it's certainly much more than we ever had as a family to live on between 3 of us. She would actually be living a MUCH higer standard of living now than she did when we were together. Which brings me to my next point. How does the idea of standard of living really work? Her lawyer asked for my last 3 years of income tax assessment and they clearly show that we had an income that averaged $30,000/ year. How is it that she would be living a higer standard of living now than when we were together? I took this job well after we were seperated and it was my understanding that the point of spousal support was to give the receiving party at least close to the standard of living they had while married. And to reiterate, her standard of living will be MUCH higher now then it was then. Her rent is only $500/ month. She has NO car payment and my parents are paying for the insurance to help me out...and to make sure my son has a vehicle to get to school and such. In any event, what I'm getting at is that while we were together we were very, very poor. So much so that we ended up in debt $70,000 upon seperation. This was not from spending on the credit cards to live a lavish lifestyle. It was just to put food on the table and gas in the car.

I'm laughing at myself here because I'm not sure anyone will follow what I've written! HA! Upon rereading it I see that you may get lost in the numbers. If anyone would like a clearer breakdown then please let me know! I really appreciate all the help but it's still not making sense to me in many ways. Thanks for listening and your help.

[god knows the truth]

I totally get the picture; I responded yesterday with "am I misreading something" b/c I was also floored with Jeff's response of your ex having only 2500.00 /month( no offense intended Jeff). That's why, considering your cost of living , I thought I was the only one who viewed this as very 'unbalanced'.I'll ask again-does it seem worth it to make 96,000/year but still be isolated and no further ahead--not being nosy, just curious.
Have a great night.

[gooddadgoingmad]

I do understand what you're saying. Believe me, I am questioning my being here now. I guess I just left newfoundland so desperate and when a man is kept from his child, depressed but can't afford medication, and so poor that I was hungry and literally cold, well I suppose I felt I had no other options at that time. I certainly knew nothing of how family law worked and it's not until very recently that I started to get a rude awakening while doing research.

I am trying to think of another way out of this mess. Unfortunatly I am probably in over my head. If I were to pack up and go home now I am right back to where I was when I left. I applied to literally hundreds of jobs while on welfare...no one wanted to hire someone with my education because I was told that they knew I'd just leave the job when something better came along. I lived in a university city and there are thousands of students who fill all of the kinds of jobs that even pay a low wage. On the other hand, I may end up here, alone and without financial resources as well. I suppose I am keeping my fingers crossed and hoping to fair ok with the divorce. Until then, I'll hang tight. I do know however that I will have no choice but to instantly pack up and leave this place within a week if stbx gets her spousal support. Crazy stuff...BIG decisions.

Thanks so much!

[god knows the truth]

Yes, all you have to do is glance at the posts on this forum to see how insane things can be.Saying you're from a university city, I'm gathering you're from St. John's-memorial university, one of the best in the country!
it seems alot of people from Newfoundland are successful in finding jobs in Alberta. If you're willing to move(which you've already done) it may be something you'd want to look into. At least the segregation and HIGH expense of living wouldn't be an issue. In light of what you're going through you definitely need support, and this forum is a great place to start. Many issues have been clarified and resolved on this site.
Not trying to tell you what to do, I'm just trying to help you with clarification of your situation--it's hard for us to see things objectively when we're in the midst of confusion.