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Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 08-04-2012, 11:37 AM
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If he got a bonus for one month, would you agree that the recipient instantly gets support raised? If he has circumstances that justify having support immediately lowered, like the plant went out of business and there is no possibility of comparable work in the area, then he can make that argument, sure. That is an unforseen material change. But what is described is that he loses jobs 7 times in 10 years; he obviously also gets new jobs 7 times in 10 years. He is capable of finding work.
I think one should pay according to their income, and that should adjusted automatically every year.

This removes ALL arguments such as the ones above.

It really confuses me how people state they want their support lowered based on change of circumstance, when a change in income is a common occurrence that can be easily dealt with by simply automatically adjusting every year.

Even my ex has issues with this simple concept. Last year I had a bad year and actually made less than her. I went into debt to maintain my CS/SS payments to her. We just adjusted our CS based on last years tax return, as we have done every year. Now show owes me $40/month in CS, which drives her crazy because I am now so busy with work. It drives me crazy that she can't get the simple concept of yearly adjusting CS handles all of these issues. (Not to mention that I have paid her over 100K in support over 5 years, and she is beside herself that she has to pay me $480 in CS this year (while I still pay her more than that in SS as our SS agreement is not dependent on current incomes)).
  #12 (permalink)  
Old 08-04-2012, 12:31 PM
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Just a bit more information,
he's not a consultant, he's a director in the advertising/marketing field and his income was 85k when he was dismissed. He was at this job for 7 months and his previous position for over a year, other positions for several years within the same company. All in all I believe 5 different companies, in 7 different areas.
When I referred to frightening situation, I was not referring to job losses, I was referring to things he had done in the past that were disturbing, such as recording us 24/7, turning off our heat deliberately at the power source and leaving for ten days, things of that nature, that occurred while we were still living under the same roof. Then finally just changing the locks out of the house before I had the opportunity to move all of my belongings. Tip of the iceberg, and believe me, some situations are not worth it.

Basically with subsidy that I just recieved this week, I had to show my court order to show that I have primary custody Monday to Friday and my tax summary form. I made 7,500$ in 2011 and his taxes reflected 73,000. He has been very vocal about my earning more money-yet he refuses to pay for child care that would give me the opportunity to work more, and belittling all my efforts. So I am in school, attempting to work full time, have care of the child and he's refusing to pay for daycare even while he was employed 2 hours away from his son. Now that he's not not employed and does not even have to pay for daycare because its subsidized due to my income, he is wanting to take care of our son. He should be looking for work to meet his obligations because I am busting my butt trying to be independent from him. If our son is taken out of daycare, I will lose subsidy, what happens if he finds work in a few weeks or a month? Typically his job is in large cities over an hour away from where he lives, which is even further than us. He is not saving me expenses, to date, I have not recieved a dime from FRO because our order is barely two months old. I have paid for daycare, rent, food, clothes, activities, etc etc, all out of my pocket with no child support. My sons daycare is across the street from my job and our house, we have a good system and routine. I could also lose my daycare spot, it is difficult to obtain daycare in the first place, and then get subsidy to pay for it again. He is not in school full time yet, so why why would I risk not having a provider in September on his days off? When the father can and needs to go to work again, he will simply expect me and my family to deal with the situation in a way that is free for him.
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Old 08-04-2012, 12:46 PM
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Originally Posted by billm View Post
I think one should pay according to their income, and that should adjusted automatically every year.

This removes ALL arguments such as the ones above.
Actually it doesn't, and goes to the heart of why I disagreed with your earlier thoughts.

He's been able to get new jobs regularly over the last 7 years. There is nothing to indicate he will unemployed for the next year or longer. There is no reason to lower support now if he is going to get another job in a few weeks.

Adjusting the support amount every year is written into legislation (for CS) and there is nothing wrong with that. Adjust the amount now, because he just lost his job, disregards the reality that he has to find new work. How many times have we read on this board threats of a payor to quit work so they don't have to pay support? I don't agree that the system should be built to enable such a thing, and right now it isn't.

If the payor has reason to think he won't be able to get a new job right away, or that he won't be able to earn as much, and can show facts to back it up then he should make that argument to the courts - or to his ex so they can come to an agreement. There is nothing here to suggest this is his situation or that he can support an argument like that.

To mama_pumpkin, your child should certainly stay with the daycare. The father is either declaring that he is not going to get another job, which the courts would not support, or he is not going to be able to provide child care reliable for the long term.

It's not possible to jump in and out of daycares, there are waiting lists for professional, licensed daycare, and even casual babysitters are not reliable. There are additional waiting lists for subsidy. You cannot be expected to just pull the child in and out willy nilly.

Your ex is trying to argue full role reversal. You have been working little and caring for the child and he has been paying support; now he wants to reverse the situation and have you work and pay him support to stay home with the child. He is dreaming, a court would require him to work to his potential or he should be imputed a wage.
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Old 08-04-2012, 01:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mama_pumpkin View Post
Just a bit more information,
he's not a consultant, he's a director in the advertising/marketing field and his income was 85k when he was dismissed.
Based on the pattern and employment track record... The other parent may have a difficult time finding new employment in the field unless the other parent consistently works at "startup" companies taking a gamble on salary vs. options. Many people in the marketing world do this.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mama_pumpkin View Post
When I referred to frightening situation, I was not referring to job losses, I was referring to things he had done in the past that were disturbing, such as recording us 24/7, turning off our heat deliberately at the power source and leaving for ten days, things of that nature, that occurred while we were still living under the same roof.
It appears that you are alleging that the other parent was "gaslighting" you.

Gaslighting - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Please don't take offence but, I find these allegations quite difficult to believe at times.

1. When he was "controlling" the heat why didn't you turn it back up? Why would he turn the heat off in a home for which he was residing in? Wouldn't he too have to deal with the cold temperatures?

2. Why didn't you record him 24/7 as well? What difference does it make if you and his conduct was being recorded? What "fears" did you have about being recorded. If nothing happens the recordings are useless and prove nothing. You have every right to record him back and it is often recommended by members of this forum and perfectly legal. Sure, you may not have liked being recorded but, were you afraid he was going to record bad conduct by you. Abusers generally do not like recordings and having people record them and claim "privacy" to insure they can maintain their power and control and not get caught.

3. He was living in the house without power too? What does "at the power source" mean? Did he just turn it off at the breaker? Why not just turn it back on? Or did the power company turn off the power? Did you call to have power restored to the house?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mama_pumpkin View Post
Then finally just changing the locks out of the house before I had the opportunity to move all of my belongings. Tip of the iceberg, and believe me, some situations are not worth it.
Happens all the time and should be raised to the judge as this is your residence too (if married).

Quote:
Originally Posted by mama_pumpkin View Post
When the father can and needs to go to work again, he will simply expect me and my family to deal with the situation in a way that is free for him.
Is there a particular reason for EOW? He is a parent, he should be responsible for the child equally unless there is a specific reason and finding by CAS or the courts that restricts his access to the child. Don't let him escape his responsibility to equally care for, support, raise and love the child.

Many parents think that it would all be just better if they had full custody and EOW with the other parent. In fact, joint custody and equal access was put in place by feminists (yes feminists!) as parents were abandoning their responsibilities and walking away.

Good Luck!
Tayken
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