Court Application Served

[Johnboy35]

Hi, this is my first post. My x moved out over 2.5 years ago. I have the kids in the matrimonial home and have had them since the day she moved out. Legal proceedings started over 1 1/2 years ago and have gone NOWHERE. She is looking for a big equalization payout because everything is about money to her, but doesn't realize we had debt to factor in there too. Anyway, my lawyer called me the other day and said she has court papers she needs to serve me. She sent me a copy of the application and my x wants sole custody of the kids (which she never sees) because then i will have to pay her child support, spousal support, and about 17,000 more than what she is entitled to for the house.

I have no idea what to expect now. Can we go to mediation without going to court. I feel a judge will look at her application and find it to be a joke. She has no case in my eyes.

[dav66]

jb - i feel your pain, but making that assumptionis pure danger in my eyes - especially for a dad
how old are your kids? are they old enough to have a say in where they want to live [ie over 12]?
sadly it becomes about money, not about children. Mediation is best but both sides have to be able to give a little - if not, even the simplest and smallest cases will have to go the court route [i am a case in point]
i wish you luck, be humble, be cooperative, and remember the kids.

[dinkyface]

YOU have to convince the judge of your position. Ideally, your response would also convince your ex, so that they back down on their demands. Suggest pushing towards court (by filing an official response), but indicate you are open to mediation. This keeps the pressure on them to be reasonable. You have the upper edge right now i.e. you HAVE what they want, and I'm guessing that you are much more able to tolerate dragging this out (unless you are letting your lawyer bleed you dry).

[Johnboy35]

Kids want to stay with me, they are 16, 11 and 10. They haven't had much contact with their mother. She went months without contacting them, then went to a lawyer and now Ive been accused of not letting the kids see her. I made up a visitation schedule for her to stop the accusations and she never stuck to it. She has been suffering from mental illness for quite a few years. She actually made up a false accusation of me uttering threats to her so that throws a whole wrench into the situation. I believe it's her lame attemp to try and get custody. I'm just wondering if it's too late to go to mediation now that court docs are going to be filed? She is receiving legal aid (i think) because she is on disability. I have limited income because I'm not working a whole lot right now and trying to pay all of our debts and the mortgage. Court costs are going to kill me.....

[dav66]

you can go to mediation at anytime - the courts actually encourage it - i wish you luck as i know you are just trying to raise your kids, not receive a payday

[Johnboy35]

I am going to see my lawyer on Monday so I will make sure I tell her I want to push for mediation. She will probably suggest that anyway, right? I'm assuming mediation is alot cheaper than going to court?

[Johnboy35]

I know my oldest, who is 16 can refuse to go with their mother, but what about the two younger ones? Do they get a say in it at all? They already told their mother they want to stay with me and visit with her.

[Johnboy35]

another question, while i'm thinking about it...is she responsible for any of the mortgage payments over the last couple of years even though she doesn't live here. I've paid it should that not come into consideration for the equalization payout?

[Berner_Faith]

The younger children will have no say as per custody/access, Judge will listen to them (most likely) but they can't refuse what a Judge orders... as for the house... an equalization payment will date back to when you first separated...that means she doesn't get any of the equity you have gained over the past couple years by paying the mortgage.

[Johnboy35]

thanks for all the responses. I've been doing a little reading about mediation now. She has to agree to go to it? What I read is that it is not mandatory in family cases. So if she refuses, it goes right to court?