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Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 08-02-2013, 11:12 AM
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Default "compensation" for extra nights of child care

The ex is back hammering at one of his favourite topics.

Back in 2012, I had two business trips which overlapped with nights I was supposed to have D8. I asked the ex if he could take her, he agreed. I asked if he wanted me to take her for extra nights to compensate him; he said he'd think about it, but never got back to me with dates. It all seemed straightforward.

Now he is a bit fixated on those extra nights. He wants me to pay him 1/30 of the table amount for my income for each night D8 spent with him last year. I've pointed out that our divorce order says that S3 child support is offset, in accordance with S9, and that's it. (I should point out that the number of extra nights he took D8 came nowhere close to breaking the magical 40/60 barrier). He has the right to say no if he doesn't want those "extra" nights, but they are not a fee-for-service proposition.

He keeps coming back and coming back with emails about with this, with different arguments. His latest claim is that the practice of paying a proportion of table support for "extra" nights is so widely established that it doesn't need to be spelled out - it's just assumed - so he didn't need to ask me explicltly if I would pay him extra at the time I proposed the nights. (This is mixed in with a lot of patronizing talk about how I am "cheating our child out of her right to equal support from her parents" and that he is "only looking our child's best interests").

I have never encountered anyone else who operates under the presumption that off-cycle nights are compensated this way, but maybe I'm wrong. Is there in fact such a presumption? (I should add that I've changed my schedule to accommodate him when things have come up such that he couldn't take her on one of his nights, and don't expect to be paid for that. I have also learned my lesson and will never ask the ex to take D8 for an extra night again).
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Old 08-02-2013, 11:25 AM
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If those 2 extra nights push him over 60% of the time for month he may have an argument. But that would be for standard c/s....and even that argument would be super weak as the parenting time would be averaged over the year.

If your agreement says offset, and the percentages are within the 60-40 range, his argument is ridiculous. Offset encompasses 60-40 to 50/50 splits. There is no difference in percentages for arrangements that fall throughout that range (ie. parents who have 50/50 get treated the same as parents who have 60-40).

What you did was gave him right of first refusal. He did not have to say yes, but it likely best he did. Had he said no, than you would've had to find child care at your own expense. He is a parent, not a baby-sitter. Parents don't get compensated for looking after their own kid.
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Old 08-02-2013, 01:53 PM
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Thanks, HammerDad. The ratio doesn't exceed 60/40 for any individual month, nor for the year as a whole, so his argument doesn't hold water.

What you said is pretty much exactly what I said to the ex - but when he came back with "this is standard practice to balance expenses for the extra nights", I was wondering if there was something I had missed, hence posting to this forum.

I had been under the impression that in shared parenting situations it was mandatory to offer the other parent first refusal if you had to be away. I now understand it's not mandatory unless it's in your divorce order/separation agreement. I agree that staying with the other parent is best for the child and I'm glad to take D8 when ex can't have her, but if he's going to keep on dragging out these demands for money months after his "extra" nights, I'm not going to come to him if I have to be out of town for a night. (I've also sought changes in my work to reduce the amount of travel, dealing with the problem at the source).
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Old 08-02-2013, 05:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HammerDad View Post
If those 2 extra nights push him over 60% of the time for month he may have an argument. .
CS isn't calculated monthly, it is calculated yearly. The courts would not support increasing CS for one month only.

For example, many CP/NCP arrangements include summer vacation of 2 weeks with the NCP. It cannot be argued that for that one month, CS should switch to the setoff amount.

To the OP, I would suggest that as long as you keep responding to his inane claims, you are validating this conflict. Ignore him.
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Old 08-02-2013, 06:17 PM
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To the OP, I would suggest that as long as you keep responding to his inane claims, you are validating this conflict. Ignore him.
This is my comment. Stop engaging....just ignore...
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Old 08-03-2013, 11:23 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stripes View Post
... I agree that staying with the other parent is best for the child ..., but if he's going to keep on dragging out these demands for money months after his "extra" nights, I'm not going to come to him if I have to be out of town for a night. .
This is not in the best interests of your child (as you state )

You should keep offering him first right of refusal.

The demand for payment for watching his own child is ridiculous. My ex tried that too years ago - its an entitlement/jealousy thing I think. I would no longer engage him, if you do just state that you are following your agreement and the CS guidelines.
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Old 08-03-2013, 11:35 AM
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Just tell him to "Go pound sand. Jerk."

I used to be like that. It's all about being a jerk for the sake of being a jerk.

Hopefully he smartens up one day.
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Old 08-03-2013, 12:24 PM
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Just tell him to "Go pound sand. Jerk."

I used to be like that. It's all about being a jerk for the sake of being a jerk.

Hopefully he smartens up one day.
Wow, WO. Excellent self reflection. You recommended the OP tell X to stick it. Is that what you recommend people do when an X is being an unreasonable jerk? Really... Does this work? I would sure like some help. Ignoring isn't working.

Is it things like this (getting told to stick it) that made you realize you were being difficult? I ask in all sincerity.
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Old 08-03-2013, 06:37 PM
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Keep giving him the chance to care for your child when you are unable to for work reasons, because that is best for the child. When he whines about being paid 1/30th CS, just reply back with "you requested this before and it continues to be inappropriate." Just cut and paste the same answer every time he asks.

Then he can either take you to court (where I suspect the judge will laugh at him) or he can drop it (because I suspect he knows the judge would laugh at him). He's only asking because there's a minute chance you will cave in.

If he eventually refuses to take the child because you won't pay him the 1/30th, that's his loss and the child's loss, and you can stop offering.
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Old 08-03-2013, 09:39 PM
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Addendum:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Qrious View Post
Wow, WO. Excellent self reflection. You recommended the OP tell X to stick it. Is that what you recommend people do when an X is being an unreasonable jerk? Really... Does this work? I would sure like some help. Ignoring isn't working.

Is it things like this (getting told to stick it) that made you realize you were being difficult? I ask in all sincerity.
I was being facetious.

addendum:

Make no mistake about it, I am an emotional creature - sometimes I can still be a jerk. But I can recognize when I am/was at least some of the time.

Last edited by wretchedotis; 08-03-2013 at 09:48 PM. Reason: addendum:
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