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Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 01-18-2017, 11:31 PM
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Default Clothes

Just wanted to hear from the parents here how the deal with clothes. rather, the purchase of clothes.

I'm the access parent (every other weekend and one weekday visit every week) who is non-custodial. I pay full table child support.

The custodial parent basically stopped sending any clothing for the child. She used to send a weekend bag with the child for clothes for her stay. We got into an argument about extra access that I was asking for and she decided to stop sending the child with clothes after that.

I shortly after purchased a whole bedroom set with nightstands, dresser, chest, etc and packed them with brand new clothes. Till this day, I continue to buy clothes for child to have while under my care. This includes, jackets, hats, gloves, shoes, underwear, towels, socks and just about everything. I sometimes don't have space to keep them all and send them along with her to moms to enjoy for school.

The child continues to be represented to me in old worn our and torn clothing and I hate to see my child in that. The new clothing generally don't return. So I continue purchasing nice clothes for her to have. The mom will make her wear worn out clothing until they're basically replaced by me. Though I do still send back the old clothes. Here and then she will maybe buy something for the child.

It has gotten to the point where it's as if I'm the custodial parent. I just wanted to know how other parents deal with this?

My initial thought is to continue and save the receipts as I have been doing. The only thing that has been sort of bothering me is that I'm paying child support already. Full table amount. I mean this would make more sense if there was an offset in child support, but with full table child support, doesn't really make sense to me. I think clothing here and there as a gift would make more sense. But it is what it is and I'm just trying to do what best serves my child in the given circumstances.

Any thoughts, comments or questions by both moms and dads would be appreciated. This is of course something I'm not going to raise a stink about in court unless it is relevant to anything .

Last edited by trinton; 01-18-2017 at 11:36 PM.
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Old 01-19-2017, 01:09 AM
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Get clothes at walmart.

Seriously, the George brand is quite reasonable and if she keeps it you haven't lost that much money.

Winners is another reasonable alternative.

I assume that all clothing I send to other parent is clothing that I will never see again. I usually do get it back, but if I don't get it back I don't get too upset.
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Old 01-19-2017, 01:47 AM
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there is nothing wrong with keeping clothing at your house for when she is with you. Every thing you listed are items that you would need to provide if you were the custodial parent or if the family was still intact.

The most valuable lesson you can learn by being on this forum is "choose your battles carefully". Money is a finite resource but more finite is your time and energy. The battles worth having are health and safety.

How the custodial parent utilizes child support is not something that you can expect the courts to scrutinize. They simply won't do it.

Keep the clothes she comes in separate and dress her however you see fit when she is with you, when it's time for her to go back put her back in her "home clothes" the issue is solved.

Don't get caught up in resentment or frustration about how her other parent runs their household it creates a lot of problems and rarely comes to anything close to a satisfactory result.
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Old 01-19-2017, 10:00 AM
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I run into allot of the same issues, I have 50/50 custody we do a 2,2,3 schedule so there is allot back and forth with the kids but that's what the kids wanted and I actually enjoy it because I get to see my girls all the time. In my case my stbx only buys the odd item and its usually a very expensive so the girls always fall short for cloths and I end up taking them out and buying cloths.

I fully understand your situation , my STBX is always telling the kids get your dad to buy you cloths he makes way more than me. So sad in a way when my kids have to come to me and say those things.

But on a positive not I really do love shopping with my girls its actually brought us allot closer and I can teach them the value of money and that they don't need $100.00 dollar tights. Blue notes and Walmart are good also.
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Old 01-19-2017, 10:19 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by viewfromthecheapseats View Post
there is nothing wrong with keeping clothing at your house for when she is with you. Every thing you listed are items that you would need to provide if you were the custodial parent or if the family was still intact.
The custodial parent receives child support, and uses that child support to buy the clothing. There is no expectation whatsoever that a NCP purchase any clothing.

If the family was intact, they wouldn't be paying out table CS to another household, and could use that money for food and clothing.

Triton is going to buy clothes for use at his house, but that is wrong, and he shouldn't have to. However, he will have to.
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Old 01-19-2017, 10:22 AM
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With the exchange point being school, it can be difficult. We tend to wash what is sent and child returns with same clothing. If it ends up being warn, then we replace it with an item that is in better shape but nothing new or expensive.

Keep on paying and keep the receipts, have you, communicated with the ex on this?

With the older boys 14-16 that been difficult....again lots of inexpensive clothing options out there.

Children's Place, Value Village and there are many consignment shops for children's clothing too.

Good luck!
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Old 01-19-2017, 01:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janus View Post
The custodial parent receives child support, and uses that child support to buy the clothing. There is no expectation whatsoever that a NCP purchase any clothing.

If the family was intact, they wouldn't be paying out table CS to another household, and could use that money for food and clothing.

Triton is going to buy clothes for use at his house, but that is wrong, and he shouldn't have to. However, he will have to.
That's exactly it.



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Last edited by trinton; 01-19-2017 at 02:05 PM.
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Old 01-20-2017, 12:17 PM
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Quote:
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That's exactly it.



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Trinton

Sounds like your ex and mine are related.

I have the same problem.
Here's what I do, when I get the boys from mom that night I take the clothes wash it and sent them back in it. This way she always gets "her" clothes back. It's freaking ridiculous, after all it's the children's clothes.


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Old 01-20-2017, 02:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by otttawa_dad View Post
Trinton

Sounds like your ex and mine are related.

I have the same problem.
Here's what I do, when I get the boys from mom that night I take the clothes wash it and sent them back in it. This way she always gets "her" clothes back. It's freaking ridiculous, after all it's the children's clothes.


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We do this as well... however our home is their home, you pack a bag when you go visit grandma and grandpa or go to a sleep over, you don't pack a bag to stay at your parent's house. We want the children to have a dresser and closet full of clothes where they can pick and choose and have their bedrooms feel like a bedroom.

That being said if they want to take something back to their moms they do. We still return 'her' clothes


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