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Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 06-28-2010, 03:54 PM
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Originally Posted by tugofwar View Post
I highly doubt that you are the only one supporting her and the children with monthly CS payments.
She has expenses, food, shelter, bills, mortgage, gas, insurance, etc just like you do and Im sure CS doesn't cover all the above.
You might not be able to see those expenses as you are focused on her and her spending.
Does she work? Is she maybe saving alittle for the children's education?
Don't you want her to have some money set aside?
I got a complete bank statement from Jan to present, on her financial statement she claims she pays $89 for rent, which is true seeing how she is a student on subsidy housing. So half of that rent plus half of the groceries and expenses that she spends on my daughter is covered by me. What money out of her pocket does she spend for my daughter?

On her Notice of Assessment it shows she removed all monies from the RRSP and is trying to remove my name from our joint RESP for my daughter. She is claiming that she fears that I will remove monies that is why she wants my name remove. She worked for the company that holds the RESP and knows that both parties must sign to release the monies. Everything to me seems like monetary gains. Am i wrong?
  #22 (permalink)  
Old 06-28-2010, 03:54 PM
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Originally Posted by jaysneed View Post
First of all when I am with my daughter it is a whole other case, I don't disrespect her mother when I drop her off, I don't talk about these court litigation with or around my daughter.

My problem is because one of her many lies helped her kidnap my daughter for 10 months, until a judge had to be more specific about access due to misunderstanding's. Caused by who? But what did I get out of that whole ordeal Wednesday access and every second Saturday over night access. All of this because my lawyer neglected to file the response, it was due to my irresponsibility on relying on my lawyer to file, someone who I paid to do so. Now isn't that why lawyers have runners/processors for them?

My rights as a father and human being got taken away from me the time she decided to up and leave because of her selfish reasons, too selfish and unimaginable for anyone to believe. She was granted a restraining order and asked to bring proof at a later date, doesn't that say guilty until proven innocent. And to this day still has not provided any, but yet it is still there.

So, please what can I do, all I have been doing is working hard and fighting to see my daughter, and so far nothing has worked. Luckily now we have a new judge because there was a final order made, So I brought a motion to change. All I am was asking and maybe I might of got out of hand is advice, I am frustrated and I miss my daughter like hell. What can I do?

There, that's better! Focus and save your energy on getting to see your daughter more and less on the money.
You came across fighting about the money, when deep down you just want your child.... focus on that. The other stuff will eat you alive, so let it go.
  #23 (permalink)  
Old 06-28-2010, 03:55 PM
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why aren't you bringin up all this crap with your lawyer? what do you expect us to do about it?
  #24 (permalink)  
Old 06-28-2010, 03:58 PM
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Ya, mine ex is claiming he makes under $15,000 a year but is living pretty good right now and hiding money. Nothing for his child for over 1&1/2 yrs. Sure things were great until I had to take him to court and now it's a stupid fight over money.
What can I do? Nothing! And that's what I will have to live with. I have my child and that's all I need instead of his dirty money........
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Old 06-28-2010, 04:04 PM
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Originally Posted by HammerDad View Post

The way that c/s was determined was to give the child the benefit of having the lifestyle of that if both parents remained together. Whether I agree with that position or not, it was model used.

See this makes sense and that is my argument, we never shopped at a second hand store so why now? How is that giving the child the lifestyles of that if both parents were together? But I guess what everyone is saying is it doesn't matter where she is getting it as long as she is providing it. So maybe what everyone is saying is don't work hard to provide the best for your child cause you can just go to the store and get hand me downs. What is even worse is that she wont take clothes from her sisters because there on welfare, but will shop and put someone else's hand me down's on her.
I do have a high standard of life and that is why I work hard for it. I am not being high strung or on high horses. Is it a crime to want the best for my daughter while someone else doesn't and is just benefiting off her cash that she receives.
And I don't knock anyone down or think that I am higher than anyone else because I want whats best for me and my daughter, and her mother isn't providing it.
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Old 06-28-2010, 04:08 PM
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Originally Posted by billiechic View Post
why aren't you bringin up all this crap with your lawyer? what do you expect us to do about it?
So what are you here for then? To get advice. I didn't expect all of your comments. If you have no advice why leave anything at all.
And like most other people I had no choice to represent myself.
  #27 (permalink)  
Old 06-28-2010, 04:13 PM
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Is she a good mother to the kid(s) otherwise?
If she's buying them used clothing and that's your main issue with her, you should be so lucky. Does she neglect your child(ren) in any other way?
Used clothing is not going to kill your child.
Be happy that your child is safe and in a healthly environment, has food to eat and a roof over her head.
Be happy that she's not abusing the children, spending money on booze and drugs etc.
See what Im getting at?
I have been bashed like crazy when I started here cause I had lots of safety issues and had a hard time letting go of alot of things.
I got some tough love (ha!) from some senior posters and learned to try to focus more on my child then the ex and it's gotten me that much more ahead.

Last edited by tugofwar; 06-28-2010 at 04:16 PM.
  #28 (permalink)  
Old 06-28-2010, 04:13 PM
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Originally Posted by jaysneed View Post
See this makes sense and that is my argument, we never shopped at a second hand store so why now?
Because times change, and given how fast children grow, it may not be cost effective to shop elsewhere.

Further, while I have never shopped at a second-hand store, you can sometimes find amazing deals.....especially on the day after I have made a donation..

Quote:
How is that giving the child the lifestyles of that if both parents were together?
There is more to life then clothes.

Quote:
But I guess what everyone is saying is it doesn't matter where she is getting it as long as she is providing it.
What we are saying is that so long as the childs basic needs are being met, you really have no argument on how the recipient spends c/s.

Quote:
So maybe what everyone is saying is don't work hard to provide the best for your child cause you can just go to the store and get hand me downs.
Again how she provides for the child isn't up for debate. Whether the clothes are 2nd hand or hand-me-downs isn't the question (which I wore for YEARS thanks to 2 older brothers), the question is whether the clothes provided to the child are sufficient and appropriate in each given season. Whether they be Gap, Old Navy or Value Village doesn't matter.

Also, any dollar they may save in clothes may provide for a different form of luxery that you may not see, like a new video game or specialty TV channels, faster internet, better snacks or other things the child appreciates.

Quote:
I do have a high standard of life and that is why I work hard for it. I am not being high strung or on high horses. Is it a crime to want the best for my daughter while someone else doesn't and is just benefiting off her cash that she receives.
You can provide the best to your daughter during your time. Be a good, consistant father because that is what your child needs. Stop focusing on the money part and more on the parenting part. You're being distracted by dollar signs and petty matters, when you could be concentrating on bettering your parenting skills with courses or choosing activities for your kid.
  #29 (permalink)  
Old 06-28-2010, 04:17 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HammerDad View Post
You can provide the best to your daughter during your time. Be a good, consistant father because that is what your child needs. Stop focusing on the money part and more on the parenting part. You're being distracted by dollar signs and petty matters, when you could be concentrating on bettering your parenting skills with courses or choosing activities for your kid.
Thank you! Good post!
  #30 (permalink)  
Old 06-28-2010, 04:32 PM
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Ok HammerDad, My income has decreased so I brought a motion to vary, she is claiming that I am not entitled to any relief because of my spending habits and asked for me to provide my bank statements from the time of separation to current.
Now here is the dilemma,

1. she claims on her financial statement she made $14K for 2009 but on her Notice of Assessment shows under $5K.

2. She failed to mention on her financial statement about her car.

3. She gave me two conflicting affidavits stating that she wants my access cut off because I am always late dropping her off at the police station whereas she doesn't even drive and she always arrives on time. I have tried to get proof from the Police officers of her arriving late and they say they can't get involved. Now it is a case of He said she said.

4. She has denied me all my holidays that were awarded to me in 2007 to present.

5. She has picked my daughter up from daycare and asked me to come to her house to pick her up, even lying to Officers saying there was no restraining order. He had to tell her he was looking at the Final Order that states pick up and drop-off is from daycare and to Police station.

6. Claiming that the restraining order needs to stay on because I have been calling daycare and piano school for my daughter attendance records and payment information. Because I called these places she is claiming third party harassment and if it is removed I will harass her. Keep in mind I only contact her through emails, because of all this and so that it can documented. I have an text message from her telling me to go ask them myself.

7. Since separation she has been trying to reconcile with me, I have facebook entries saying she wants this court stuff to end, meanwhile it was her who constantly brought me back to court, and that I need to let the past go even though I said nothing of such sorts. The only argument between me and her was to see my daughter. Now if you want to call it harassment because I want to see my daughter then so be it. I have letters written from her admitting to being verbally and mentally abusive and she claims she never wrote them.

What Can I do? Is it good enough or am I still be too focused on all the accusations against me?
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