Child Support Adjustment

[HammerDad]

Originally Posted by representingself

My issue is that Preserverance is collecting full guideline support from her ex for her child(ren), but has a problem with her new husband paying guideline support for his child. The double standard is maddening.

There may be a difference in that she has her kids more then 60% of the time and they have her step-kids over 40% of the time. The law is pretty clear on the ratios, so it isn't a double standard it is just going for what is standard in each scenario.

Mom offered her the extra time, probably not knowing it would affect the child support. Unfortunately, not dad's fault. Dad took said time because he wants to spend more time with his daughter, good on him.

Dad now see's he doesn't have to pay as much in support due to having the child for an almost equal amount of time as the mom and wants to limit what he is obligated to pay in accordance with the law. Now mom wants to renege on the extra time because she doesn't want to lose child support.

What is being proposed here isn't anything new or wrong. It is just going with what the facts are. Dad has his daughter more then 40% of the time, so why should he be paying as if he only had her like 18% of the time? It costs him 2x as much to pay his ex for the month, yet also pay for his D in his own home for the month.

[HammerDad]

Originally Posted by dadtotheend

True enough.

I also agree. This should be dad's fight, and no one elses.

[dadtotheend]

At the risk of sounding sexist, isn't always the woman who has to get involved in her guy's support issues with his ex?

It seems to me that all the threads I've read here on that issue are written by women, especially women who have kids with the guy and feel that he is paying too much support to his ex for his other children.

Maybe it's because guys are paying support 80% do the time.

[blinkandimgone]

I think it has more to do with the different traits in men and women. Women tend to be nurturers/fixers and men tend to be do-ers/providers and as well the way that men and women percieve issues differently.

Example:

A guy tells his buddy he's having issues with the ex and $$, buddy gives a sympathy grunt of acknowledgement and they crack a couple of beers and move on to sports or whatever topic.

A woman tells her girlfriend that she's having issues with the ex and $$ and the girlfriend will typically mimic her mood - anger, sadness etc out of sympathy and offer suggestions on what to do.

Guy tells female freind/wife he's having issues with the ex, friend/wife offers up suggestions to fix it, guy listens, does nthing. Woman takes it upon herself to do something about it since he obviously isn't going to. Guy just wanted a friendly ear to listen, girl wants to fix things to make him feel better.

It's just the way we are. We're groomed from the time we're born into a caretaker role so we try to fix problems presented to us. When there's nothing we can do....we feed you.

[Perserverance]

Thanks Hammer...you hit the nail on the head.

I am only trying to help. Thats it thats all. Its not my fight to fight. He needs to be able to live with the sitation. In fact, had a discussion with mom and decided that the schedule remain status quo and he will continue paying full support of $741 a month. His time with his daughter is far more important than any amount of $.

[Mess]

Has she given up on the retro? That would be a fair compromise. She is still a deadbeat though. What expenses does she have for the child that the father does not?

I think you are doing the right thing for yourselves letting it go for now, but just out of curiosity. Do you split clothing, transportation, daycare etc 50/50? How could she possibly justify this then?

Sit on the status quo for another year, let get into the school routine, the father establishes himself to the teachers etc, take care of her on sick days and go on class trips occasionally. Next year you can hit her for CS she owes you if you want. Right now you are on the edge of status quo, if she has full legal custody you would be fighting uphill.

[Perserverance]

He pays his proportional share of daycare. He provides for clothing at his home does all the driving. She would have all the same expenses as he does.

He is just happy to have the time back because at the end of the day, how do you put a price tag on time spent with your child. He will sit for now and make sure the status quo remains for a while yet.

He is not against the retro, however, for Oct through Dec he had his daughter for approximately 60% of the time. I think he will be using that as justification. She should have been paying him CS for those months. We'll see if that is accepted.

[Perserverance]

He pays his proportional share of daycare. He provides for clothing at his home does all the driving. She would have all the same expenses as he does.

He is just happy to have the time back because at the end of the day, how do you put a price tag on time spent with your child. He will sit for now and make sure the status quo remains for a while yet.

He is not against the retro, however, for Oct through Dec he had his daughter for approximately 60% of the time. I think he will be using that as justification. She should have been paying him CS for those months. We'll see if that is accepted.

[representingself]

Originally Posted by blinkandimgone

I think it has more to do with the different traits in men and women. Women tend to be nurturers/fixers and men tend to be do-ers/providers and as well the way that men and women percieve issues differently.

Example:

A guy tells his buddy he's having issues with the ex and $$, buddy gives a sympathy grunt of acknowledgement and they crack a couple of beers and move on to sports or whatever topic.

A woman tells her girlfriend that she's having issues with the ex and $$ and the girlfriend will typically mimic her mood - anger, sadness etc out of sympathy and offer suggestions on what to do.

Guy tells female freind/wife he's having issues with the ex, friend/wife offers up suggestions to fix it, guy listens, does nthing. Woman takes it upon herself to do something about it since he obviously isn't going to. Guy just wanted a friendly ear to listen, girl wants to fix things to make him feel better.

It's just the way we are. We're groomed from the time we're born into a caretaker role so we try to fix problems presented to us. When there's nothing we can do....we feed you.

hahahahaha.... Loved this... too true!!

[representingself]

Originally Posted by Mess

Has she given up on the retro? That would be a fair compromise. She is still a deadbeat though. What expenses does she have for the child that the father does not?

I think you are doing the right thing for yourselves letting it go for now, but just out of curiosity. Do you split clothing, transportation, daycare etc 50/50? How could she possibly justify this then?

Sit on the status quo for another year, let get into the school routine, the father establishes himself to the teachers etc, take care of her on sick days and go on class trips occasionally. Next year you can hit her for CS she owes you if you want. Right now you are on the edge of status quo, if she has full legal custody you would be fighting uphill.

I agree!!