C.S. nightmares

[PJD]

Hey folks, long time viewer first time poster.
If you have been ordered to court by 'FRO', for back C.S from near 30yrs ago how is this order still pending?...can it be beaten at all?
I have a 56yr old family member who seriously, really hasnt had a good life in every sense of the word. Who lost both parents too early, blacklisted by other non-interested relatives and his wife (co-claimant),broke his heart when found cheating on him on returm from work one day and falsely had him charged with assault, hence restraining order also restraining from the 2 children. She remarried within 2yrs and moved out of town.
My cousin, who has never had a drivers licence, in and out of meningless employment the rest of his life when employed at all from the huge depression he fell under until only recently where at 56 he now has a GREAT job, his very first apartment and believes he will now lose it all.
Can anyone here direct show me a road to go down to help out here with this. Looking forward to any replies. Thank You.

[standing on the sidelines]

did he have a court order to pay child support way back?? Did he pay it?? Was there ever action before by fro to collect money?? The devil is in the details with this. Is this a new order?? Was he in arrears????

He wont lose his job over this or the apartment as long as he goes to work and pays his rent.

[AngieJ]

Hard for me to feel sympathetic on this one......my own father (parents divorced when I was 2 - last time saw father I was 4) owed my mother child support, left town and never paid a dime!

Now after 30+ years FRO caught up to him and he could not renew his driver's licence until he started to pay the arrears!

Your cousin/buddy will not loose everything, he still has to live, usually a reasonable payment can be worked out for what he can afford to pay after he pays his rent and essential expenses.

Good luck!

[Berner_Faith]

Great responses above... if he was dodging the bullet then and not paying or feel behind for whatever reasons... doesn't matter how many years ago it was...he owes the money... like stated, a payment plan will be worked out but he will have to work.

[Rioe]

Not that I'm not happy to hear of deadbeats being caught and made to finally be responsible, even 30 years later, for their children, but I thought I read somewhere that big arrears like that after the children were grown weren't really pursued, as they were felt to be simply a transfer of wealth to the other parent and not likely to be used for the child?

I'd love to see the kids get a lump sum, even at thirty+ years old. Think how many student debts this would pay off, or how many dreams of owning a home realized, or weddings paid for this would be!

[inseperationhell]

Completely agree Rioe with the money, if collected should go to the kids...however, should the ex not get some to re-imburse the fact the their financial circumstance would have been better if the child support owed had been paid on time? The ex did foot the bill for more expenses than legally required while the kids were young which would have affected their financial position.... Just a thought.

[mcdreamy]

As the x is a co-claimant, it looks like one of the kids is trying to pursue retro arrears. Good for them.

I feel for your cousin, depression is not an easy disease to work with. But perhaps since he is now doing better in his life, he can recognize some of his past responsibilities?

Like Angie, my bio father left when I was 2 and never paid a dime, nor did I hear a word from him, until I turned 16 and he reached out through my older sister. I had, and still have, absolutely no desire to have a relationship with him. And no, I was not alienated by my mother, in fact she encouraged us to regain our relationship. Why bother putting effort into a relationship that he never tried to develop?

[Coop]

Originally Posted by mcdreamy

As the x is a co-claimant, it looks like one of the kids is trying to pursue retro arrears. Good for them.

I feel for your cousin, depression is not an easy disease to work with. But perhaps since he is now doing better in his life, he can recognize some of his past responsibilities?

Like Angie, my bio father left when I was 2 and never paid a dime, nor did I hear a word from him, until I turned 16 and he reached out through my older sister. I had, and still have, absolutely no desire to have a relationship with him. And no, I was not alienated by my mother, in fact she encouraged us to regain our relationship. Why bother putting effort into a relationship that he never tried to develop?

mcreamy - you wrote:

But perhaps since he is now doing better in his life, he can recognize some of his past responsibilities?

But then wrote this about your own father who tried to reach out to you at one point:

Why bother putting effort into a relationship that he never tried to develop?

I am in no place to tell you how to feel, but I sense that you can recognize that people do change. Can you offer your father some grace as maybe he is one of those that wants to right his wrongs?

I am fortunate enough to have had my parents in my life so maybe I would feel the same way if I was in your shoes. I don't know....just a thought.

[AngieJ]

Originally Posted by Rioe

Not that I'm not happy to hear of deadbeats being caught and made to finally be responsible, even 30 years later, for their children, but I thought I read somewhere that big arrears like that after the children were grown weren't really pursued, as they were felt to be simply a transfer of wealth to the other parent and not likely to be used for the child?

I'd love to see the kids get a lump sum, even at thirty+ years old. Think how many student debts this would pay off, or how many dreams of owning a home realized, or weddings paid for this would be!

Rioe, I agree sure it would be nice for me to see some of that money, but in the long run, my mom went without a lot when I was growing up cause she did it all on her own, no help from welfare or mother's allowance. She never had money to dump into her RRSP's, ect, cause everything went to support me!

I have to say, she spoils my boys rotten all the time, and is constantly getting them stuff they need......so it may not be coming directly to me personally, but mom is paying it forward!

Ang

[hadenough]

Hmmm. I don't think FRO was around when I was a baby. How long HAVE they been around for? My dad wouldn't have a dime to his name - never did. I haven't seen him since I was 15. And that was briefly. He and my mother separated (no court) when I was 2. I don't remember him being w/us at all. My mother didn't alienate us from him. I recall at the age of 6, that I had no desire to see him at all. I'm pretty sure he's still alive but I couldn't swear to it. He made one lame attempt I guess. Gave his phone # to my mom when I was oh, about 20 - and said "give the girls my #" (I have an older sister). Needless to say, I never called - and to this day have no interest in speaking to him.

He was not a nice person. Not a good man. And definitely not a "Father" in any true sense of the word. In recent years, I've found myself imagining what a conversation w/him would be like. I don't think it would go very well. My mom was too fearful of him to ever take him to Court so there was no Child Support. I wish there had been more support for Single Parents back then. But this topic - 30 years?!! That really surprised me - didn't know it was possible. Talk about skeletons falling out of the closet. *rattle rattle*