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Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 07-18-2014, 11:04 AM
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Default Asked can we pick numbers and settle?

Hi

So I asked my lawyer's assistant now his pension is in can we get numbers together and see what it will take to get him to go away. I can spend more money on lawyers, looking at what he has taken etc., but other than the big fish, not sure what to do. The assistant said I had to figure everything out in order for my lawyer to legally advise me. He needs to know all of the information. It's time and money that I may not need to spend on the little amounts he has taken, well a lot smaller than the 2 huge amounts of money and not sure I can do anything about the big fish anyways but will try.

I don't know the whole process, just have done net worth and he's questioning stupid stuff that he knows is true and I have to show proof. Yep, not amicable. Show proof that money in my bank account is from my inheritance in 2 bank accounts, one is with my brothers. He said I took $300 out of the house that's going on net property, oh but you cleared out the house so really $300. It could go on and on.

He sent a letter threatening to take me to court to get kids RESP money and wants signing authority. Really signing authority, huh, 2 people here not his decision only. He said I took money out of kids bank accounts when he went to get it for my son's schooling but I can prove he did it. I told lawyer ahead of time he was going to take it. He said we can track it. Son has spent close to 30,000 with nothing to show for it. Not working, hasn't worked in last 2 summers, and said he hated school, would just do it, wouldn't look at program with me. We have sent for his marks, asked to speak to his therapist, doing a family counselling with me and of course if we go to court will be at my expense so x says. Um that's if you win. My lawyer said when first letter came, not to respond until he says going to court. His bill is double because he keeps making demands and my lawyer says he keeps filing them away. He said get me numbers that's what we need.

X has stopped paying life insurance and in letter we said pay immediately which he hasn't. Will be 3 payments this month behind. So I will send another letter soon saying I'm cancelling policy and I will. He wants it, I don't. I need him to sign insurance form so I can get payment for my benefits too so I will give him a month and if he hasn't done it a separate letter will be sent. He won't respond to questions asked. He wants this done quickly but not answering what we ask.

I'm just thinking get in numbers with house, pension, investments and lets come up with something and move on

Any thoughts.
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Old 07-18-2014, 11:11 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by annie1 View Post
Hi

So I asked my lawyer's assistant now his pension is in can we get numbers together and see what it will take to get him to go away. I can spend more money on lawyers, looking at what he has taken etc., but other than the big fish, not sure what to do. The assistant said I had to figure everything out in order for my lawyer to legally advise me. He needs to know all of the information. It's time and money that I may not need to spend on the little amounts he has taken, well a lot smaller than the 2 huge amounts of money and not sure I can do anything about the big fish anyways but will try.

I don't know the whole process, just have done net worth and he's questioning stupid stuff that he knows is true and I have to show proof. Yep, not amicable. Show proof that money in my bank account is from my inheritance in 2 bank accounts, one is with my brothers. He said I took $300 out of the house that's going on net property, oh but you cleared out the house so really $300. It could go on and on.

He sent a letter threatening to take me to court to get kids RESP money and wants signing authority. Really signing authority, huh, 2 people here not his decision only. He said I took money out of kids bank accounts when he went to get it for my son's schooling but I can prove he did it. I told lawyer ahead of time he was going to take it. He said we can track it. Son has spent close to 30,000 with nothing to show for it. Not working, hasn't worked in last 2 summers, and said he hated school, would just do it, wouldn't look at program with me. We have sent for his marks, asked to speak to his therapist, doing a family counselling with me and of course if we go to court will be at my expense so x says. Um that's if you win. My lawyer said when first letter came, not to respond until he says going to court. His bill is double because he keeps making demands and my lawyer says he keeps filing them away. He said get me numbers that's what we need.

X has stopped paying life insurance and in letter we said pay immediately which he hasn't. Will be 3 payments this month behind. So I will send another letter soon saying I'm cancelling policy and I will. He wants it, I don't. I need him to sign insurance form so I can get payment for my benefits too so I will give him a month and if he hasn't done it a separate letter will be sent. He won't respond to questions asked. He wants this done quickly but not answering what we ask.

I'm just thinking get in numbers with house, pension, investments and lets come up with something and move on

Any thoughts.
I didn't have a lot of money for lawyers, but I do have some finance and legal background, so I did most of the work myself. I had a lawyer advise me on the Separation agreement. I did the NFP myself.

In the end, my ex and I didn't agree on the NFP. My calculations showed that she would owe me about $5000. But interest on the debt was continuing to accumulate, and I needed the payout from the house to settle all debts. So I agreed to a zero payment. Knowing my lawyer cost $400 an hour, I knew court would easily chew up $5000, it wasn't worth fighting for. She had an inheritence which meant she could more easily afford lawyers, so the wisest course of action, according to my common sense lawyer, was to settle and move on.
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Old 07-18-2014, 11:23 AM
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Agreed. For amounts less than $20k and sometimes up to $100k it's barely worth going to court over. By the time you get to trial you can estimate you will have paid about $10k per day of the trial, so you really need to weigh the costs against the benefit. First money, secondly in terms of stress and mental/emotional health.
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Old 07-18-2014, 11:36 AM
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I'm on the hook for 47,000 and he cashed out $32,000 and got $14,000 for it. They said they would send a letter saying why did he cash this out, silver, 2 weeks before separation so, not sure anything can be done. Money was lent to his brother and nephew on our loc, but certain circumstances I may be able to fight for it or at least negotiate it off. He had me sign 1 1/2 years later about the nephew saying I agreed to it. Hmm why then, he preplanned. Thing I don't get is, I've taken 47,000 on my side of the net worth, so has he. Lawyers said he could take it completely. His brother is paying it down so I don't get it. Has paid 37,000. My lawyers said that's good. He took $8,000 out of an account and said he paid bills so I could say show me, or my lawyers like me to do the investigating and say here, also took an extra $2,000 but in reality it may be all above board so I'm just looking at the big stuff and my mental health is so much more important. I'm having so much fun now and finally living again that this is affecting my social life, lol. Will cost more money too in lawyers and he keeps wanting to poke the fire.

My health has improved so much since we separated. He first wanted to rush this, but now I'm wondering. He's an emotional abuser and I've cut off all contact, so is this his way of getting at me? I go away and every time he will have lawyers send something. He's now blocked on my phone and email. Standing on my own 2 feet now and damn it feels so GOOD!!!
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Old 07-19-2014, 06:28 AM
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I found initially there is so much emotion you want to battle it out. However, after a few ridiculous lawyer bills, you quickly figure out its better to settle, perhaps splitting the money etc.

My personal view....family lawyers are ridiculously expensive and the system is slow at best.

Sometimes cut your losses and move on....sad but true
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