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Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 11-21-2012, 11:47 PM
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I feel the same pain out here in BC, hang in there my friend. We all need to voice our concerns, equality for all!
  #12 (permalink)  
Old 11-21-2012, 11:49 PM
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If you don't mind me asking, how did your ex-husband end up with sole custody from the start? That is quite unusual.
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Old 11-22-2012, 07:13 AM
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Originally Posted by Crgman View Post
I have kids 50% of the time, and no, no pending home sale. I am borrowing from one line of credit to pay another, not sure how I'm going to get xmas presents. Every morning I get up for work and ask myself why I am bother...
Because your children love you and deserve to be loved by you? You love your children and will support them in their endeavors because you love them?
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Old 11-22-2012, 07:25 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by microcrashboy View Post
I think you should check the guidelines and if you are waaay off go back to court the rules are "suppose" to be fair not put you in the poor house.


You must be new to family law. I have rarely seen any concern by the courts for the financial situation of the payor. It happens, but the case had better be sledgehammer obvious.
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Old 11-22-2012, 07:44 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tayken View Post
Because your children love you and deserve to be loved by you? You love your children and will support them in their endeavors because you love them?
He never said that he didn't love his children. He said that he despaired since his payments to his ex were so crippling that it left him unable to provide adequately for his children.


Being in debt is a stressful situation, one that often leads to suicidal ideation. Paying onerous levels of CS and SS is like being in debt, except that this is a debt that cannot be paid off, and any income earned will increase the debt. This makes it even worse than being in regular debt, and more stressful.

Most people have an expectation that their lives could improve. Maybe today is bad, but tomorrow might be better. In many cases, CS and SS removes that expectation. A payor is told by the court that life will not get better, that payments will continue at all costs.

This is what the OP is facing. Mouthing platitudes about how any money you give the ex is great for the kids doesn't fly for people who are facing these situations in real life. Of course OP is going to love his kids and support them emotionally in their endeavors, his worry was about the financial end of things, and last I checked, loving your kids is not accepted as payment by the courts (or ex spouses).
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Old 11-22-2012, 08:41 AM
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I agree with Janus. Whatever the system thinks money is being spent on, I know I work more than double the hours my ex works but she is the one able to afford to go out for dinner on her nights or get drinks during my nights. She spends and spends MONEY I PAY HER on her own comfort and entertainment.

I'm not trying to say I should be able to make her budget. That is her life, her business. But when I am the one working long hours so she can enjoy comforts I can't afford, that really burns.
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Old 11-22-2012, 08:43 AM
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I understand your frustration. When my ex sold all our investments I watched the stocks/mutual funds rise by approx 5 months later...therefore approx $8,000 loss to me. What can I do? Nothing except wait for the final divorce and get 50% of what it was worth when we split up.
  #18 (permalink)  
Old 11-22-2012, 08:57 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janus View Post
He never said that he didn't love his children. He said that he despaired since his payments to his ex were so crippling that it left him unable to provide adequately for his children.
His financial well being is well within his control and always has been. The guidelines contrary to "popular belief" do not leave parents destitute. Their financial decisions do in my personal opinion. You can disagree with me on this one if you would like. But, the guidelines are vetted by a large body of experts and if there was a systemic issue with them it would be addressed.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Janus View Post
Being in debt is a stressful situation, one that often leads to suicidal ideation.
Which is best addressed by seeking the assistance of a qualified mental health professional.

Secondly, a financial advisor can assist in putting the financial situation into perspective.

Thirdly, if the financial advisor comes to the conclusion that the situation is unworkable, they can provide an affidavit in support of a motion for an adjustment to CS/SS on a motion to change due to material circumstances. If the parent is under undue hardship and a qualified financial advisor (licensed and registered) can demonstrate to the court that the parent is unable to meet the expectations at no fault of their own it would be valuable evidence to the fact. Finally, a court will consider this in relation to CS and SS payments but, clear, cogent and relevant evidence from an expert would be advised.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Janus View Post
Paying onerous levels of CS and SS is like being in debt, except that this is a debt that cannot be paid off, and any income earned will increase the debt. This makes it even worse than being in regular debt, and more stressful.
See comment above.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Janus View Post
Most people have an expectation that their lives could improve.
They "can" improve and often do for parents who are separate and apart and divorced. In fact, the vast majority of them that never have to go to court, settle matters amicably that are never tracked by Statistics Canada.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Janus View Post
Maybe today is bad, but tomorrow might be better. In many cases, CS and SS removes that expectation. A payor is told by the court that life will not get better, that payments will continue at all costs.
I disagree. There are tools, Rules and other means to fix the situation but, one has to take the right path to do so... Lamenting about it on a public message board really isn't helping the situation for the "payor".

Quote:
Originally Posted by Janus View Post
This is what the OP is facing. Mouthing platitudes about how any money you give the ex is great for the kids doesn't fly for people who are facing these situations in real life.
If the situation is "real" then there are remedies that one can seek to improve the situation. Rather than telling people there is no hope, I choose to offer recommendations on how to resolve the problem than tell them there is no solution, they are screwed by the system and it doesn't get better.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Janus View Post
Of course OP is going to love his kids and support them emotionally in their endeavors, his worry was about the financial end of things, and last I checked, loving your kids is not accepted as payment by the courts (or ex spouses).
Actually, the court does accept this as "payment"... But, that is governed by Rule 24 of the Children's Law Reform Act in the Custody and Access determination. Of which, this parent has 50% custody and access which is a very good "payment", fair and just in my honest opinion.

Good Luck!
Tayken
  #19 (permalink)  
Old 11-22-2012, 08:59 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DadwithSon View Post
I agree with Janus. Whatever the system thinks money is being spent on, I know I work more than double the hours my ex works but she is the one able to afford to go out for dinner on her nights or get drinks during my nights. She spends and spends MONEY I PAY HER on her own comfort and entertainment.
Put this into an affidavit and see what a Judge has to say...

Quote:
Originally Posted by DadwithSon View Post
I'm not trying to say I should be able to make her budget. That is her life, her business. But when I am the one working long hours so she can enjoy comforts I can't afford, that really burns.
Why do you even care then? What benefit has your cathartic statement about how the other parent wastes money improved parental communications and your children's "best interests"?
  #20 (permalink)  
Old 11-22-2012, 09:26 AM
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Sharong593 - I'm pretty much in the same boat as you except no children involved. He's got the paid off house, all 3 cars (he stole the car I'd been driving and I had to borrow/rent), he emptied the bank account and it's been a year and no resolve. Despite hiring several different lawyers, I'm still waiting for the courts to order him to pay me my half. He didn't hire a single lawyer but he's been getting away with everything.
Where the hell is the justice in this country? I'm struggling to pay bills and have lost a lot of weight because my income is so low that I can barely buy groceries... yet the judges have not made a single order. All they do is tell him off during the conferences and tell him to get a lawyer and settle.
He just ignores it all because he's in a great position. It seems there's nothing we can do because we can't afford to buy justice and the judges are siding with the men when there are no children involved.
The only thing that keeps me going is that there's a God somewhere up there and one day.... that hope is all I've got left after 30 years of marriage. He cheated on me several times and a few times with a friend. Justice doesn't exist on this planet.
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