Am I crazy ? Will-Power of Attorney

[May_May]

So...With us being separated for well over a year I need to draw up a new will. Nothing is finalized yet through the legal system, still working on the disclosure.

We currently have 50/50 with our children (week/week). If I die, our children would be with dad 100% of the time. Wouldn't it just make sense then to have him be the Power of Attorney as well/FA for my finances for the children.

Any thoughts ? I have a close friend as well that I could delegate, or family...

[Epona]

Yes, you ARE crazy for even contemplating granting Power of Attorney to your ex! If he has Power of Attorney, he can take all your money, sell your house etc., depending how much power you grant him.
There are two aspects to Power of Attorney:
Financial
& Health Care
Each can be temporary or permanent.
Unless you can trust your ex with your life, DON'T grant him Power of Attorney for anything! You, as the grantor, have to trust your attorney with your life.
Power of Attorney no longer applies once you are dead. Then the will takes over. Perhaps you have mixed up Power of Attorney with something else? Like beneficiaries in a will (presumably, your children)? Do you want to appoint your ex to carry out your will on behalf of your children? Can you trust him?

[ddol1]

At this point I agree - you must trust this person or persons you select with your life, financial security and even the worst case scenario which would be the living will, medical decisions should you be unable to make your own choice. I did this for my mother and I think at this point the hardest thing I ever had to do was to "kill" my mom. She chose me because she knew that when the time came I would be able to do the unthinkable where my sister would let her heart and HER (my sister's) wishes take over - she would never had let my mom go. Mom was DNR and no heroric gestures.

At that point, I did what my mom depended on me to do and my mom knew my sister would not have the strength - mom picked the right person - and that evening I stopped all further medical treatment - this after my sister had already told the doctors to keep mom alive at all costs. Yes I got the apology from the doctors on the floor, why? because I had her file set up indicating her wishes and the doctor made a mistake - I made it very clear in her record at the hospital what mom wanted - I had to reverse the decisions allready started...... and my sister watched as I made sure my mom got what she wanted right to the end........ and we both were there that night holding her hand as she passed on peacefully that night.

Medical or financial you choice in the person, they must be able to do it for you. And not rob you blind when you are alive - sadly I have seen this too, an old person being put in the cheapest solution available so her power of attourney could keep the money for themselves.....sad but it does happen.

[May_May]

Thanks guys-I absolutely used the wrong wording. I'd have a living will done with a family member handling that.
Better wording is probably instead of putting the money in a 'trust' if I die, to give that which is willed to my children to their dad to handle as their parent. We both always agreed on the big money components for our children (cars, university or college, marriage etc...) so I just thought that might make sense. But with your comments above I won't...Thanks.

Epona-Thanks ! At this point I could trust him with money for our kids, but that's about it from a financial and health perspective.

ddol-No matter how much of a compliment it is that your mother left you in charge, it's also a terrible burden. It's crazy how much more has to be broken out, and many more points covered in your will when you are separated/divorced !

Thanks

[billiechic]

I think that if you can trust your ex with all financial decision should you pass, that is really great. But putting a little detail/stipulations in there should be more helpful (like how much should be help back in trust for schooling etc).

For me, I have left 80% to my daughter, and the remaining 20% to my mom (to care for her) and to distribute for her care as needed. I dont have a will yet, but I have talked to my mom about making sure that the money is available for her to go to school, in case her dad does not. As her father, I think that the 80% would go in trust to him (as supplemental CS), but I wouldnt trust his financial planning. I'm sure he would sqaunder it on something stupid.