6 months PreSeperation

[Beachbum7079]

Looking for some advise here, I've been married for 10 years and have been pretty unhappy for most of it. The problem I have is I married someone who doesn't care how the next car payment is going to be made. We both make great money but live paycheck to paycheck. My wife can blow a biweekly pay by Monday, then look at my account for the next 10 days and really I have had enough.
I have been reasonably successful at keeping us out of debt so when we sell the house or she buys me out, I should have enough for a sizable condo downpayment I figure.
I have 2 kids, so I expect I'll have to pay CS which in am ok with. I should still have enough left over for a mortgage payment on a condo and some travelling.

I'm just looking for any advice on how to get the most out of an equalization payment with a little planning. I haven't seen a lawyer yet but that will come soon.

It's almost time to move on.

[NBDad]

Start separating the finances asap. Stop paying her car payment/loans/etc. Make her start doing it herself.

Close/freeze any joint accounts, lines of credit, etc.

Separate the car insurance if you can. (May not be possible until you actually separate).

[Berner_Faith]

I wouldn't leave the home until you have something in writting and signed... you should be fighting hard for shared custody, why are you assuming she will have custody? I would talk to a lawyer ASAP before making any moves.

[Beachbum7079]

I really wanted shared access, but I can't do it with my current job, I work screwed up shifts, really early, and some weeks really late. I'd have to change jobs, and that isn't likely to happen. Besides I don't really want to jerk my kids around.

[blinkandimgone]

You know, this argument about work hours really grinds me. What would you do if something happened to their mother and she was no longer around to pick up your slack?

You'd be forced to parent and make other arrangements, whether you wanted to or not - that's what PARENTS do and yet we so frequently see people choosing to parent (or not) as it suits them when it's convenient. You're either a parent or you're not, why should all the parenting work fall on your ex because you work odd hours?

[Berner_Faith]

I agree with blinkandimgone... you should be doing what is best for your child, not yourself. They are many parent who work odd hours and some how they make it work. As far as I am concerned, you are basically screwing your child out of a great relationship with you. Something you will regret down the road.

[Beachbum7079]

Thanks for the input on access, after a little more thought, I think I can come up with a plan.

Any advise on how to get the most out of my equalization payment, how to not get screwed.

[gumby]

You know shift work can be the best sometimes with kids - the early shift means you can always pick up at school and be involved at the school (a luxury for 9-5 ers). Nights means you can bring them to school. You will have to get family involved with their care or consider that your ex can do it - you may take hit in support but if you are creative with the schedule you can share custody.
I have always seen shift work as a blessing not a curse (unless of course you are stuck on all nights )