the 13.1 form again - is there a gov't help site to guide you through your choices

[ddol1]

the 13.1 form again - is there a gov't help site to guide you through your choices. (I just spent 45 minutes scrolling thru the government links and I gave up - then thought of asking the "pros" right here!

This what follows is confusion:

It seams nearly every liine is shoot "I do not know" - right now it is like we have owned 5 or 6 houses along the way - do they want the first, the last, the first and last?? I am confused big time..... I know the numbers - I just can't figure how to translate them into the right spot or worse still part you enter here, the next piece goes on this page and the last of it.

By now - I have demonsrated confusion I think! Is there I online guide for people like me??????

[frustratedwithex]

Where I live most of this information, first house, last house, accounts before marriage, accounts after was not relevant.

For long term marriages it is all considered to be jointly held and any gain or loss is shared 50/50.

I found this on the web when I was searching for information. I don't live in Ontario, but you may find it helpful.

Filling out the financial statement

[blinkandimgone]

Try this, DDOL. I used it for a few things and it worked fairly well, just be sure to save often.

[torontonian]

Hi - my 2 cents... don't sweat it, 13.1 is usually a DRAFT until you've had a chance to compare with the other party.

[ddol1]

blinkandimgone, your post is interesting but the link? may be missing!

frustratedwithex: I am onto your link right now - thanks!

To me - to all of you who came to help today: The numbers and the way all of you have chipped in helped me to get into the right mind space to get the what it costs me to survive.... and what "extras" are not really extras as we all deserve to live at least a little. - Thank you.


What follows is largely a rant - there will be no clue on how to fill in:
I also know the disaster of what happened the last couple years of the marriage (only thinking financial !!) the two month dissipation of the marital (tagged as my retirement fund since I could not make rrsps) but 40K in two months - I still get heart pains when I think of this..... To believe in the lawyer - he had our whole marriage pegged in less than 5 minutes. All 25 years worth. And 10K here, 10K there and there and there.

Again, I know her biggest arguement is and always has been the accident settlement, pain and suffering/loss of enjoyment of life is what is going to "hurt" her side of the equalization as the amount and I am told even basic interest over some 25 years - the number just grows. Even the mediator tried to explain this part to her....I can still hear the screaming.

PEOPLE!!! I NO LONGER HEAR THE SCREAMING _ FOR SUCH A LONG TIME>>> My mind is finally finding peace.

[blinkandimgone]

Hmm, I pasted it but didn't double check it worked - sorry!

Form Assistant

[ddol1]

Never sorry I tell all!! OooPPps maybe!! (ok that is my line - but I lend it out anytime!!)

Thanks to all again for the help, The last observation I made with the link from i think it was frustratedwithex but because of my great CPP Benefit check every month - I for the past 8 years just - wait for the last 24 years I just put it in, took $20 for me and well we bought and paid for what we needed.

Suddenly Seperation Ex has me pulling it off the money trees out in the backyard......and there is no way I can/could? keep up - I did the ratio of incomes way back and we came in at roughly 80% her - 20% me. The lawyer as I remember not long ago - he said not to worry about that aspect as everyone will know I couldn't pay my way before during or after and they have a way of doing that part of the 13.1.

I am approaching my need to have faith.

[frustratedwithex]

The lawyer as I remember not long ago - he said not to worry about that aspect as everyone will know I couldn't pay my way before during or after and they have a way of doing that part of the 13.1.

I sometimes get caught up in this thinking as well.

I spent so many years with my ex where I had to work very hard at explaining and proving everything. What I didn't realize then and now, is most people, see right through the exs irrational logic, they just never said anything out loud. Lawyers have seen it all and can quickly see through the B.S.

[ddol1]

This is a "longer" post - this is my thoughts and hopes - and thanks for many who came to help, to help me keep things together for me and for my kids too. Allthough not here, pursuinghappiness has it so wrong and I just let it go. I am not ashamed to admit that for many years I have been treated "less than with respect or dignity" and I spent years thinking how am I going to live. How am I going to survive on what cpp gives and for those same years I have notes, proof thru the whole system, doctors, social workers, psychologists and more - how hard I tried to "fix" what was broken and it finally came to the time where I was literally dieing and I had no choice but say, "I can't take this anymore". It was time to go our seperate ways.

It doesn't make this any easier, the kids, well they are used to seeing a dad who survived by overcompensating in everything in his life as a way of escaping, running away from something that I have been tethered to for so many years. The day I stopped doing everything, well past my ability to cope, I started to listen to the doctors - and as I stopped slaving and taking the garbage and doing EVERYTHING for her -- She changed almost overnight to a person with a vengence and more. This is what you hear on this forum.

Being particular and exacting has always been my trait in the field of engineering but in my marriage I was more soft, soft to the point that I had 100 % full trust in her - and then came so much medical stuff that I lost my ability to the point of having mental issues develop - this was her last straw but that straw was "drawn" years earlier - her way of life was death for me and a nice lady one day got me to admit one thing, and learn another.

"I want to live!" My children did not run for the hills - in fact they did the opposite and I couldn't be prouder of them and what they chose to do.

May sound extreme but the first thing I did was see a lawyer and he spent hours with me at no charge even - to help me defend myself maybe for the first time ever - For the first time, and it has been hard, to think of me first - ALL else second. This goes against this forum's good belief that kids are first and even I still right to the end kept the kids as first as I was physically and mentally capabple of. With just a few basics that i stumbled across the lawyer said, I will not repeat, but it was very strong and as time has gone on - you, this forum have only confirmed this.

What do I know now - my lawyer said I made it longer than he thought I would be able to keep ME TOGETHER and although he said move out for my health he admitted last week that I had no financial means to do so. Aside form my three good strong kids, not without stripping myself of the only thing I do have left, which is what remains in my RRSP. Had I left in March - it would be mostly gone now and I would be penniless to boot for a lawyer. Last month as a begining to prepare I pulleda fair sized piece of my retirement out of the bank and I am preparing to do the same again this year - if i need to. What doesn't get used for the lawyer going into my TFSA for retirement as they both are sheltered accounts - the point behind our RRSP's but that isn't important.

Now I am three months out of 1 year for divorce, I have a unjustified and trumped up legal charge from the day my wife made this happen - without witness and I would not fall for it so she made IT HAPPEN. I will get thru this and the picky technical part is what the lawyer said was going to be required - I had to build what happened with records, bank statements and prove the probability of my story. I had to put every ounce of brain to a task that my brain was short circuted and add memory loss, inability to concentrate - getting confused to the point of being lost - and having to start over.......and yes 8 months later I am even looking at a folder that was complete - and I spent last night in utter confusion.

Nobody can do this but me - this is not a simple 13.1 (ok it is as i was told by the lawyer last thursday....details will come later - I will have time later) today it is about having my ex provide support and share in the finacial destruction she started the day she had to force the trump police thing. As far as the length of time - my ex has by refusal to accept any information from lawyers to mediators to refusing to read the things this site guides us to......to learn for ourselves as in the end the lawyers can't do it for US.

Sorry for the long - but soon I will not need to spend all my effort and energy in saving my future (9 months have passed, I made it that long - if things work well a fair offer (that sadly I am sure in my thought that she will refuse) but if I am lucky. I will be done and as the lawyer put it, hopefully justice may be served......at least a little because I already know some things are just not worth the cost, time, pain, the kids and what they have to see - but I can still have a future with "part" justice - I pray for this every day I go to sleep..... and if I am lucky I get to see or speak to my kids, even just one tomorrow!

[Pursuinghappiness]

Forgive me but I have no idea what you're talking about as I find your posts largely self-focused and incomprehensible...but here's some things I think you need to keep in mind going through a divorce:

a) Its not all about you and what you feel or what you want/need. Its about your kids. (you mention your dvd player more than your kids)

b) I don't care if you married satan. It's not all your ex's fault. Take responsibility for your own actions and your own life. Grow the hell up.

c) Stop whining and re-read a) & b)