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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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Old 05-18-2010, 05:00 PM
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Default what sort of access is best for a 3.25 year old?

My daughter turned three in January so is not quite 3.5 years old. My Ex and I have done 50/50 access on a 2/2/3 schedule since he moved out in January (so 5 months ago).

He just suggested that he would like to go to a week on week off schedule. Isn't that awful long for a three year old?

Has anyone with a three year done a week on/week off? Did you do one night at the other parent? Did it just cause more problems?

I am thinking about suggesting a 2/2/5/5 schedule. Anyone done that schedule? How did it work for you?
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Old 05-18-2010, 05:11 PM
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The 2/2/5/5 is the schedule I want for my daughter as well (but ex won't agree) We originally had the 2/2/3 schedule and he wanted week on/week off, I agreed to try it when the court "strongly encouraged" it to reduce chage for our daughter.

My daughter is almost 4 (end of August) and I HATE the week on/week off. IMO it is WAY too long for both my daughter and I. I am also finding it very difficult to arrange extra curriculars as everything is run on the same day each week. That is the biggest reason to go with the 2/2/5/5, as it would allow a consistent 2 days each week (maybe Mon and Tues) where I can enroll her in something (Swimming).

We are doing the one night thing as well..kind of goes against the "reducing change and stress" that the court was after. I suggest you write out a calendar for a couple of months and look at how many exchanges you will be doing. That should help you decide if you want the 7 day or any other option.
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Old 05-18-2010, 05:52 PM
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We are on week off week on for my 4 and 7 year old. I agree its too long for the younger child, who cries when he has to go but I can't get it changed b/c of status quo. Ex won't agree to change and makes kids commute 90km to school 45km each way when he has them. Kids go to school around the corner from me. To improve this I want to move to the same school district but Ex doesn't want me to. He's happy with the convienence of commuting them to the city where he works. Too bad for him though, I will move so they do't have to commute. We tried the 2 3,2 schedule but I agree the transiions were harder than the week about. Maybe a Thur to Monday everyother thursday sleepove would work for one parent and the other parent has them the rest of the time (alternate weekends.) Hope this helps. I'm in a jam as well with an uncooperative - controlling joint parent.
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Old 05-18-2010, 06:29 PM
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It doesn't matter. As long as you pick a schedule and stick to it, the kid will adjust. Probably faster than you will
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Old 05-22-2010, 06:02 AM
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My agreement is week on/off with a 3 years old.
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Old 05-26-2010, 03:38 PM
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Week on/week off sounds horrible to me. I have 2/2/3/3 (I guess - I have MT with Dad, WTh with Mom, FSS alternating).

When the kids are 'away' I still see them at their sports etc.

This schedule makes me feel the most like a full time parent. Week on/week off would not do that for me and I don't think it is the best for the kids (or the parents). Week on/week off YUCK!

I have 8/11/14 year olds.
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Old 05-26-2010, 04:29 PM
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So you like this schedule Bill even with older kids?

My ex is fighting me tooth and nail on this. I think it would be best for my girl (almost 4) as I want to get her into swimming and we live too far apart to both be able to take her to lessons.

It really does feel like my kid doesn't exist for the week she is with her dad. It is devastating.
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Old 05-26-2010, 05:58 PM
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My experience from raising a (now) 13 year old and a (now) 6 year old is that short stays are better for young children. Older children really don't care, they just want their parents to stop fighting.

A young child has a short attention span and a comparitively short memory to compare experience with. By that I mean, a week is a huge percentage of a 2 year old's experience, while it is a tiny percentage of an adult's experience. So a week is a long long time for a 2 year old.

It's a fairly longish time for a teenager, but they aren't going to grow an inch or learn 30 new words every time you see them for the next visit. For a toddler, they have gone through huge changes in often just a week, their brains are developing, their vocabulary, their skills, their personalities. You aren't able to see that, you aren't able to share that, and you aren't able to be a part of developing this new personality.

2/2/3 to me seems like a proper schedule for a younger child. For older children, say around grade 2 or 3, I could go with week on week off, if there was good co-operation with the parents for phone calls and ideally web cams. My kids love web cams, and we can play a game of Uno or bowling, read stories, etc. You can spend time helping with homework or discussing their days and probably have more conversations than you would at home.

My teen doesn't really care about her schedule, as long as she isn't dragged into any conflict over it. We usually juggle it to work her sports and other activities into it, so we each can take her practices, etc.
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Old 05-27-2010, 01:54 PM
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Hi I have a 4 year old who lives with me and for the past year my ex and I have done the every Wed overnight and then he takes her from Fri night to Sat night one week and Sat night to Sun night the next week. So we alternate weekend days. This way she doens't go too long without seeing her father.

It's a bit strange and sometimes difficult to juggle but it has worked to get her used to the separation. Because I have always been the primary parent and she's used to spending a lot of time with me these shorter stays more often work better for us. She has stayed with him for 5 days before and after about 3 days she calls me that she to ask when I will pick her up.

You just have to see what works best for your child. Try things out and see, but if it's tough on them, you'll have to adjust.

I'm thinking of doing the standard every other weekend and every Wed overnight. But my daughter has adjusted really well to the divorce. And all her activities and extracurriculars are done with me...so I just make sure I schedule them for during the week.
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Old 05-28-2010, 10:48 AM
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I think it all depends on the child. My ex only takes my 2 young children one night per week & every second weekend (his choosing, not mine). They seem to be adjusting fine and this has been the schedule for over a month.

My suggestion is to get a calendar and put stickers on it or something to mark when they will see the other parent. I have a colour coordinated calendar that they look at often. One colour is for my days with them, one colour is for my ex's days with them and one colour is for days that they are daycare.

Good luck with it and I hope your children adjust quickly.
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