What to so when toddler is being taught fowl talk

[tugofwar]

I need alittle help. So my ex and family have decided to say all sorts of interesting and somewhat dysfunctional things to our toddler. The toddler is now speaking up and it's alittle upsetting. I have tried my best to explain things to our child, hurtful and bad words. I correct them when they speak Ill language or things about me I'm trying to be the better parent... But sometimes I've slipped up, I'm only human. So what do I do? My ex just lies about everything and makes up stories so no point going down that road. And documenting this, honestly what's the point? It's all he and she said anyways. Am I suppose to get out the recorder everytime child speaks... This is draining. Any advice would be greatly appreciated

[MiViLaLoco]

Sigh...

At what point do people learn that they have "zero" control over what happens at the other parent's house. Just like the other parent has "zero" control over what happens at theirs.

Instead of looking for things to "correct" or trying to be the "better parent"...how about just focusing on what you have control over...what happens in your own home. Period.

At some point you have got to "let go" and really pick your battles.

Is this harming your child...no. Is it ethical and moral...no. Will your child outgrow this a clue in on their own...you bet!

Take a deep breath and just...relax. In the grand scheme of life...this is really nothing.

After all...daycare and school are wonderful places for kids to pick up an amazing new vocabulary too...you can't police those places now can you.

Let..it..go.

[tugofwar]

Oh, ok sound advice, taken. But some of what they are saying is upsetting a 3 year old causing nightmares about it I'm suppose to just ignore. I AM learning and have a long way to go before I become that parent you so described but I'm trying..... More than I can say for alot of others.

[MiViLaLoco]

Look...I get it. I've been there too with other things. Toddlers can have nightmares over anything...and the root is usually an anxious parent...or the perception that they've done something wrong. At least that's been my experience with our son.

Our son had nightmares at 3 1/2 over brushing his teeth. The ex was anxious about making sure our son brushed his teeth 2x a day. As a result...after a while our son was waking up at night crying.

He never woke up at the ex's house...only mine. All I could do was calmly explain...and not get anxious myself. I didn't address it with the ex at all...as it would have only been viewed as intrusive by him (and rightfully so). A few nights of this...and it stopped.

Now...not everything has been that easy...but really...I just handle what happens in my own home. At times I grit my teeth, hold my tongue, and do what I can...in my own home.

As a result, over time, my ex and I have developed a strong co-parenting unit for our son. Is it easy...heck no! Are there times of conflict...you bet! However, we always come back to the common ground of what is best for our son.

We have learned to pick our battles.

Again...your child is having nightmares over this. I sympathize. However your child could just as easily be having nightmares over something that they have been told by other children, or innocently taught, at daycare or preschool. How would you handle that situation? Give your ex the same courtesy...

At least you won't be spending your positive energy on something you have no hope of changing...

[billiechic]

great advice!
one other thing factors in to nightmares etc happening only at one parent's house: children can withold feelings just the same as adults. My daughter was always an angel with her dad, but when she came home to me it was nightmares and tantrums at the drop of a hat. I sopke with her doctor, and he told me that it is likely that she feels more nurtured by me and more comfortable to let out all her feelings. She knows that mom will accept her and love her, and so she can be herself.

it doesnt always mean there are bad things going on at the other house, just that we all need a place where we can let our hair down.

[tugofwar]

Billie, that's my case too. Our child has no issues eating and sleeping etc while in the care of my ex.... so they say lol. Child comes home exhausted, underfed, miserable etc. I know of a few incidences where they were caught lieing. Doesn't realize that our toddler is quite capable of speaking up and telling me what's happening (it's just in bedtime conversations the toddler speaks up.... oh and biting my ex for months.... That was quite the shocker.... but I am learning to just deal with our child when returned. That usually means giving another supper, putting down earlier etc. Communication and co-operation is not working....

[FaithandMorals]

This is an interesting thread. My daughter of 15 months sometimes whimpers at night and I have not documented it for fear it would be seen as I am doing something wrong. I do not think this and I try with all my might to give her everything and demonstrate I am the best Dad I can be.
Seems, she may just be having toddler dreams or she has a problem at mom's house or daycare or something. Heck, maybe she just has a LOT on her mind lol.
I am not going to make an issue of it with my ex because who knows why it is happening but I feel more comfortable knowing this.

[iceberg]

Originally Posted by tugofwar

I need alittle help. So my ex and family have decided to say all sorts of interesting and somewhat dysfunctional things to our toddler. The toddler is now speaking up and it's alittle upsetting. I have tried my best to explain things to our child, hurtful and bad words. I correct them when they speak Ill language or things about me I'm trying to be the better parent... But sometimes I've slipped up, I'm only human. So what do I do? My ex just lies about everything and makes up stories so no point going down that road. And documenting this, honestly what's the point? It's all he and she said anyways. Am I suppose to get out the recorder everytime child speaks... This is draining. Any advice would be greatly appreciated

Are you saying the child talks bad stuff about you or just uses foul language in general?

BTW when you document something you need support it with evidence or it is just a waste of ink, paper and your time.

[tugofwar]

It's been going on for months, our child is coming home and saying things about me and tells me that the other parent says that or calls me that! Just learned to deal with it... And I hardly think I'm going to get out the tape recorder etc... It's not worth it cause my ex just lies about everything.

[Gary M]

Tug,

The behaviour described above ALWAYS comes back to bite the other person (the trash talker) in the ass. ALWAYS. You have to believe that your kids are smart and resilient and that they will grow up and that they will know the smell of truth from the smell of BS.

It's tough to believe and even tougher to live (believe me: I KNOW of that which I babble! (grin)) but it's true.

BELIEVE.

On another note, I hope that you can appreciate the restraint I've shown in not posting a flippant reply to the effect of "talk to them about beef or pork instead" (ba-da-bum (ting!))

Cheers!

Gary