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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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Old 07-01-2013, 08:21 PM
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Default What do you do after your kid leaves for their week with other parent?

D7 has just left with her father for her week with him. I'm feeling deflated, sad, and not like doing much of anything. I'm guessing I'm not the only one who feels like this when we say goodbye to our kids for the coming week. On the one hand, I recognize that I really do need time on my own, especially as D7 is a very high-contact kid and I'm temperamentally something of an introvert. On the other hand, the place just seems empty without her, and I'm acutely conscious of being a "broken family". In addition, having to deal with her father, even just the few minutes of exchange, leaves me fighting the urge to throw up (although we both behave appropriately around her, fortunately). I have an invitation to a friend's for a barbecue, but don't really want to go. What do other people do to get themselves out of the melancholy place when they've handed over their kid for the coming week?

(Also, I've been dealing with D7's anger with her father for [in her view] putting his new wife and stepdaughter ahead of her. From my perspective as an adult, this looks like a somewhat tumultuous transition to a "new normal" rather than a catastrophe, but D7 would disagree. So I've had her telling me she hates her dad, she hates his home, etc etc; with me saying I understand that she's feeling bad, that it takes time to get used to transitions, adjustments might be tough but things will be okay in the end - so part of me feels badly about sending her off, even though the stronger rational part of me knows that her interests are best served by maintaining a strong relationship with him and that means she has to go with him whether she wants to or not, and that I can't let her make me feel guilty about this).
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Old 07-01-2013, 09:18 PM
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Day 1 usually consists of chapters & starbucks, day 2 is planning what i can get done while kidlets are away that is a challenge to get done with them here, day 3 shopping for supplies, days 4-6-7, working on my project. Day 7, cleaning up and sitting enjoying some peace before the barrage of kid-dom comes barelling through the door.

In short, i stay busy...very very busy!
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Old 07-01-2013, 09:36 PM
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Stripes, I so much relate to how you are feeling! This is an adjustment for you too. One of the positive consequences of shared custody is that we end up having more time for ourselves. Make the best of it! Please use that free time to do things that make you feel good, or things that are hard to do with a 7 year old: house projects, shopping, catching up on 'stuff', going out with friends, a small trip, going on a long energetic walk or cycle, and also time to simply relax.
I also find it very useful to make a 'to do' list . I leisurely work my way through it, feel good when all is done, and feel relaxed, well organized, and 'ready' for when the little one comes back.
Kids are hard work! Try to see this week as a 'mini vacation' or time off! Good luck!
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Old 07-01-2013, 10:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stripes View Post
D7 has just left with her father for her week with him. I'm feeling deflated, sad, and not like doing much of anything. I'm guessing I'm not the only one who feels like this when we say goodbye to our kids for the coming week. On the one hand, I recognize that I really do need time on my own, especially as D7 is a very high-contact kid and I'm temperamentally something of an introvert. On the other hand, the place just seems empty without her, and I'm acutely conscious of being a "broken family". In addition, having to deal with her father, even just the few minutes of exchange, leaves me fighting the urge to throw up (although we both behave appropriately around her, fortunately). I have an invitation to a friend's for a barbecue, but don't really want to go. What do other people do to get themselves out of the melancholy place when they've handed over their kid for the coming week?

(Also, I've been dealing with D7's anger with her father for [in her view] putting his new wife and stepdaughter ahead of her. From my perspective as an adult, this looks like a somewhat tumultuous transition to a "new normal" rather than a catastrophe, but D7 would disagree. So I've had her telling me she hates her dad, she hates his home, etc etc; with me saying I understand that she's feeling bad, that it takes time to get used to transitions, adjustments might be tough but things will be okay in the end - so part of me feels badly about sending her off, even though the stronger rational part of me knows that her interests are best served by maintaining a strong relationship with him and that means she has to go with him whether she wants to or not, and that I can't let her make me feel guilty about this).
Hmm. You're depressed about a week? Feeling out of sorts because D7 will be with her Dad for a whole week?

This would be an excellent opportunity to examine the shoe that Dad wears on the other foot, wouldn't it?
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Old 07-01-2013, 11:05 PM
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BTW, don't do week about, change it.
Seriously? How are you in a position to give advice about what works for the best interest of children?
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Old 07-01-2013, 11:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FaithandMorals View Post
Seriously? How are you in a position to give advice about what works for the best interest of children?
The judging that goes on in this forum is ridiculous. Iceberg is not allowed to have a say now?

More cliques than high school.

Last edited by SadAndTired; 07-01-2013 at 11:37 PM.
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Old 07-01-2013, 11:36 PM
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Originally Posted by wretchedotis View Post
Hmm. You're depressed about a week? Feeling out of sorts because D7 will be with her Dad for a whole week?

This would be an excellent opportunity to examine the shoe that Dad wears on the other foot, wouldn't it?
And

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Originally Posted by iceberg View Post
Just ask her father how he feels when the kid has to spend a week with you! BTW, don't do week about, change it.
You know, she obviously has a 50/50 split situation. How do you know that she hasn't looked at it from Dad's view?? They already have 50/50! She misses her child. You would think she would be complimented for sharing custody.

What would you like her to do? How can she possibly do more for Dad than she already is?? Geez.

Damned if you do and damned if you don't on this board sometimes.

Last edited by SadAndTired; 07-01-2013 at 11:39 PM.
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Old 07-02-2013, 12:13 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SadAndTired View Post
The judging that goes on in this forum is ridiculous. Iceberg is not allowed to have a say now?

More cliques than high school.
It is not judging, it is asking a valid question.

Does Ice seem to be looking out just for the BIOTC? I say 50/50 works and so does week about except when the child is very young. Do you disagree?
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Old 07-02-2013, 12:19 AM
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The reality of this post is the OP wants and needs coping mechanisms to deal with on/off of a being a single parent.

I have little to add as I have yet to answer this myself. I suffer too.
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Old 07-02-2013, 12:32 AM
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I have a hard time dealing with a day away sometimes (I don't have 50-50) and I can't imagine a week. I went into parenthood fully intending to be there 100% for my children (planning an intact marriage throughout as most of us do!) and that's one of the hardest parts of divorce, adjusting to the unwanted absences.
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