Vacation/sick days

[dorano]

Hi All!

I was curious - my ex is trying to get me to agree to something in our seperation agreement and I thought I would run it by you guys and girls to see if there is any feedback.

He feels that since I have more vacation and sick days that I should be responsible to take more of this time off with the kids.

In a shared custody situation, what do you think?

I feel shared custody equals shared responsiblities. I also feel that jobs and circumstances can change and I do not feel comfortable agreeing to this in any form.

In practice, I have been available and offered to take time off when I'm available to do so, but don't think I should be agreeing to this in our SA.

Cheers!

[ddol1]

I think I agree with you. It maybe a benefit to which you choose to offer to the children as a parent but to put a maditory commitment that this MUST be the case???? What if you r job changes, benefits change, reduced whatever? Like everything I think both parents are equally responsable to the fair division of income between the parents - and offset CS can be determined (if this is the correct term?). end it here because what i just deleted - deserved to be deleted!.

Stick to what you believe to be fair and true to the children. But then again maybe your ex would be willing to front you each January say $200 or $300 a day for each day in consideration for your extra vacation days????

[dinkyface]

Originally Posted by ddol1

... maybe your ex would be willing to front you each January say $200 or $300 a day for each day in consideration for your extra vacation days????

I think the ex is wanting HER to pay HIM for babysitting/daycamp when he has the kids but has to be at work.

[dorano]

He wants me to have to use more of my holiday and sick time for the kids, even on his week/time with the kids because his job offers less holidays and paid sick time.

[AngieJ]

My X and I never put anything like that in our SA. We have week on/week off, and if the kids are sick during his week and they have to be picked up from school/daycare he goes, if it's my week I go.

However, let's say there is something very important going on at work (i.e. a meeting, visit to a clients site, etc.) then whichever one of us that has the kids would call the other to see if they are free and able to go get the kids, if not then, well, we have no choice, we miss the meeting and go get our kids. It's our responsibility.

I certainly would not sign to that in an SA, good luck

Angie

[Berner_Faith]

I agree...if you are doing week with one and then the other, whose ever week is it should be responsible. But like Angie said, there should be some flexibility. If you are ABLE to then sure why not, but if you have something going on at work and it is his week then it should be his responsibility.

[ddol1]

So after coming back to this issue which sorry to say is a non issue just because this is like I,.....,Anjie, Berner_Faith but I really like again the words of Anjie in that they, her and her ex really appear to be down to earth, fair to each other and find a way to keep the kids as thier focus. Read her posts and you can get a good picture on what you should be looking for -"For the mutual benefit of both your children." But at 2:30 this morning averaging only a couple of hours sleep for a week now.....An alarm bell rung off the wall.

You are at the stage where you get the chance to build a good SA that meets the needs of both yourself and the children and you were cautious enough to post your question..... Here you need to continue to ask whatever you want - there are no bad questions. You have a chance to search SA's right here and find the issues you find important, perhaps really strong wording for clarity, I believe that there is no single right answer but there are plenty of bad ones for sure!!!

So what stteps are you taking to get your wishes incorporated into what will be your SA that once done you are not or should at least not be able to go running back because you forgot that one important detail? Your SA needs to cover so much ground, from today, as your childrren make thier way thru school, college. Do you have anyone helping you? Even if you are going with a mediator - there is no guarantee that they will or even have truely solid skills to do a "good" SA. Have you taken the time to get some legal advice, sitting in front of a lawyer to at least know and understand your rights, what elements are in a way "must haves" and more................

Please forgive me if My alarm was off and you are a long way to getting that strong SA in place for benefit of all the parties concerned. But, if your ex is trying to slip this"type" of detail that, IMHO you luckily took the time to ask, and for very good reason. ---- What else is getting slipped into the agreement?

[inseperationhell]

I would not sign an agreement with a stipulation like that. His responsibility to care for the kids on his time whether or not they are sick - part of being a parent. My ex does phone me and ask if I can take the kids because of the same thing, I get sick time and vacation leave, he doesn't - if I can, I do. But I would never sign something saying I have to. This casual phoning and asking has turned into the kids being with me 65% of the time (we are in a 50/50 arrangement and I pay CS to him) over the first 3 months...perhaps just an adjustment period for him so I have said nothing....if it continues long term, I will be asking for a change in custody and an elimination of the CS I pay to him!