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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 02-02-2017, 12:03 PM
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Default URGENT: Dealing with an up coming weekend scenario

I have to travel for company business Sunday morning and will be out of town all month.

I have sent my ex a proposed 2017 child access schedule which includes I pick them up from school today and she picks them up on Saturday as I have to leave on company business. She has not responded even after my lawyer sent to her lawyer another followup letter.

I risk going to pick up the kids and they are not there. It is a 90 minute drive on highway 7. I also risk going to pick them up from school but she cannot pick them up from Ottawa on Saturday. If the latter happens I risk missing my company trip which will not look good in the eyes of my employer.

I have avoided texting this woman as she always replies with a lot of accusatory and disrespectful remarks, going as far as calling me a coward.

What should I do?
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Old 02-02-2017, 12:34 PM
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Make sure you have in writing something like:

"I am attempting to set a solid schedule with you to be involved in our children's lives, as per the e-mail I sent you on ___ proposing a set schedule for 2017 that would facilitate parenting time, routine and predictability for our children.

If you do not respond to this by _______, I will consider this another denial of access to our children. I hope very much that this is not the case as they will surely benefit from having both loving parents in their life.
__________________________________________________ ______

There are plenty of better writers than me here. My point is to set a time/date to reply by...then chalk it up as a denial of access (bad for kids...but good for you in court).
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Old 02-02-2017, 12:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by e28makaveli View Post
I have to travel for company business Sunday morning and will be out of town all month.
I hope this job pays really well. It will be costing you your children.

Quote:
I have avoided texting this woman as she always replies with a lot of accusatory and disrespectful remarks, going as far as calling me a coward.
Well, based on your other threads, you kinda are a coward

You shouldn't be texting anyway, so no problem there. Arrange everything by email.

The usual way of dealing with people like this is to send a message with a default option.

eg. As discussed previously I am available to pick up the children on Friday, and I think they would really appreciate spending some time with me. Unless I hear otherwise from you, I will pick them up at 3pm and then return them at 8pm on Sunday. If there are any issues with the plan, please let me know by 2pm on Wednesday or I will assume that everything is good and plan accordingly.

The problem here is course is that you are on a tight deadline, you are a bit too late to be sending a message like this. Next time be more on the ball. For this weekend, I would take the risk and drive, and if she can't pick them up then be prepared to drive them back yourself. Sucks, but your fault.


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What should I do?
Find a different job.
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Old 02-02-2017, 01:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by e28makaveli View Post
I have to travel for company business Sunday morning and will be out of town all month.

I have sent my ex a proposed 2017 child access schedule which includes I pick them up from school today and she picks them up on Saturday as I have to leave on company business. She has not responded even after my lawyer sent to her lawyer another followup letter.

I risk going to pick up the kids and they are not there. It is a 90 minute drive on highway 7. I also risk going to pick them up from school but she cannot pick them up from Ottawa on Saturday. If the latter happens I risk missing my company trip which will not look good in the eyes of my employer.

I have avoided texting this woman as she always replies with a lot of accusatory and disrespectful remarks, going as far as calling me a coward.

What should I do?
If you don't hear by school let go consider it a no.

If you hear back and get offered access, tell your work you have to return home and come back and exercise access.

Don't engage in argument with her if she says no. Save the corresponding and deal with it accordingly in court when you come back.

But have your lawyer continue to request access. If she says yes then you fly back. Family emergency.
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Old 02-02-2017, 01:56 PM
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Originally Posted by Janus View Post
I hope this job pays really well. It will be costing you your children.
A one month travel should not cost me my children. Sorry but I do not buy that.


Quote:
Well, based on your other threads, you kinda are a coward
Not wanting to engage in verbal assaults I guess qualifies one as a coward? I'll take that Trying to work in an amicable setting for the best interest of children also qualifies one as coward, seriously?


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You shouldn't be texting anyway, so no problem there. Arrange everything by email.
This is why I have everything done via email these days.


Quote:
The usual way of dealing with people like this is to send a message with a default option.

eg. As discussed previously I am available to pick up the children on Friday, and I think they would really appreciate spending some time with me. Unless I hear otherwise from you, I will pick them up at 3pm and then return them at 8pm on Sunday. If there are any issues with the plan, please let me know by 2pm on Wednesday or I will assume that everything is good and plan accordingly.
Good advice.

Quote:
The problem here is course is that you are on a tight deadline, you are a bit too late to be sending a message like this. Next time be more on the ball. For this weekend, I would take the risk and drive, and if she can't pick them up then be prepared to drive them back yourself. Sucks, but your fault.
I sent the original email on January 30th. That is enough time for consideration, I would think. It should not take her 3 days to make a decision.

Well partially my fault for sending the letter on Jan 30 . Just how much time does she need?



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Find a different job.
Surely you are joking
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Old 02-02-2017, 01:59 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
Make sure you have in writing something like:

"I am attempting to set a solid schedule with you to be involved in our children's lives, as per the e-mail I sent you on ___ proposing a set schedule for 2017 that would facilitate parenting time, routine and predictability for our children.

If you do not respond to this by _______, I will consider this another denial of access to our children. I hope very much that this is not the case as they will surely benefit from having both loving parents in their life.
__________________________________________________ ______

There are plenty of better writers than me here. My point is to set a time/date to reply by...then chalk it up as a denial of access (bad for kids...but good for you in court).

Excellent template, which I hopefully will use. I have decided to forgo this weekend with the children. If I pick them up and she cannot pick them up on Saturday, business trip is in jeopardy.

Another poster jokingly (I hope) asked I get another job. I am sure that's easier said than done. My objective now is to balance keeping my job and performance up as well as manage this difficult divorce process.
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Old 02-02-2017, 02:06 PM
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Originally Posted by trinton View Post
If you don't hear by school let go consider it a no.

If you hear back and get offered access, tell your work you have to return home and come back and exercise access.

Don't engage in argument with her if she says no. Save the corresponding and deal with it accordingly in court when you come back.

But have your lawyer continue to request access. If she says yes then you fly back. Family emergency.
It is 2 PM and I have not heard back. I need atleast 90 minutes to get out there, so it is risky I will arrive late. I needed a response earlier and would admit this was not explicit even though the schedule says I have them today. I have also been relying on lawyer advise here but the advice apparently did not contain the type of urgency that was required.

Call me a bad father but it also does not make any sense to cancel a cooperate meeting, just because my ex-wife chooses to delay a decision with regards to access schedule as she sees fit. In a normal working or even amicable relationship, this will not be an issue. This appears to be attempt at denying child access.
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Old 02-02-2017, 02:09 PM
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"corporate" meeting (spell check could help you advance your career...)

Seems to me you are unavailable. You made no alternate child care arrangements for pick-up/delivery of children.

It is what it is.
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Old 02-02-2017, 02:48 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by e28makaveli View Post
Excellent template, which I hopefully will use. I have decided to forgo this weekend with the children. If I pick them up and she cannot pick them up on Saturday, business trip is in jeopardy.
Which is more important, your business trip, or your time with your children? Sounds like you are choosing your job over your children.

Quote:
Originally Posted by e28makaveli View Post
Another poster jokingly (I hope) asked I get another job. I am sure that's easier said than done. My objective now is to balance keeping my job and performance up as well as manage this difficult divorce process.
It's not a joke. We all understand getting a new job is not easy. But when you are a single parent, you need to have a job with the flexibility to allow you to parent. A job that requires a month of travel out of country is not the right job for a single parent.

Do you have a nanny who could look after the children when your work obligations occur? If you can't get one, then yes, you need to find a job that's more compatible with your parenting. Especially if you have a co-parent who is uncooperative or unreliable, which it seems you do.

If your children's mother had died instead of the relationship ending, how would you handle your work travel obligations?

Quote:
Originally Posted by e28makaveli View Post
It is 2 PM and I have not heard back. I need atleast 90 minutes to get out there, so it is risky I will arrive late. I needed a response earlier and would admit this was not explicit even though the schedule says I have them today. I have also been relying on lawyer advise here but the advice apparently did not contain the type of urgency that was required.
You don't have a formal parenting access agreement yet, and just sent her a proposal for 2017, which she hasn't answered yet? Then she's not denying access. You don't have a schedule for her to mess with. She probably realizes that if she ignores you long enough, it works out better for her.

Quote:
Originally Posted by e28makaveli View Post
Call me a bad father but it also does not make any sense to cancel a cooperate meeting, just because my ex-wife chooses to delay a decision with regards to access schedule as she sees fit. In a normal working or even amicable relationship, this will not be an issue. This appears to be attempt at denying child access.
You are separated. You don't have a normal relationship and can't expect to ever have one. You have to get a firm schedule in place, either through agreement or court, and then base your work hours and obligations around it. Your ex may not be willing to change the schedule around or take the kids for extra time to help you out with your work obligations.

You can't blame your ex for you having to cancel or delay a corporate meeting. Blame yourself for treating the situation as though she has to bow to your work schedule.
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Old 02-02-2017, 03:32 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by e28makaveli View Post
A one month travel should not cost me my children. Sorry but I do not buy that.
If the mother died, how would you take care of the child during the month?

Quote:
I sent the original email on January 30th. That is enough time for consideration, I would think. It should not take her 3 days to make a decision.
No, not even close. I would say you would need to give at least 2 weeks notice. A month would be a better length of time. How long have you known about the trip? Unless the answer is after January 27th, then you did not give anything close to adequate notice.

Quote:
Well partially my fault for sending the letter on Jan 30 . Just how much time does she need?
You have to give her enough time so that she looks unreasonable when she ignores you. Ignoring you for 3 days is very reasonable. I only check for messages from my ex about once a week. If there is an emergency she can text me but otherwise I ignore all texts.

A planned trip does not constitute an emergency.


Quote:
Surely you are joking
You have two options:

A) Have your current job, pay CS, watch your kids become strangers
B) Change jobs, maybe pay less CS, have a relationship with your kids

You have made it pretty clear how you are going to choose. Given that the job is more important than the kids, I'm not sure why you are stressing about this at all. Make your CS payments and move on with your life. Get a girlfriend and have fun. The time you spend with your kids now is mostly wasted effort since you are unlikely to ever be close to them.
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