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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 01-10-2006, 02:52 AM
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Quote:
I wouldn't sign anything with an anxiety clause in it. If the child had anxiety about going to school, would the mother keep the child from school. This certainly is not in the child's best interest.
So true.
The child should not be kept from school under any circumstance - workarounds are available.
  #12 (permalink)  
Old 01-10-2006, 12:50 PM
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Well I agree with all of you and I took out the anxiety clause and also specified a clause in such as 'unless a relationship has been established for more then 12 month then there would be no overnights'

My x's problem wasn't with my g/f being around our daughter just the fact that she might stay overnight and our daughter still jumps into my (and her) bed in the early mornings to sleep some more - which would mean my g/f sleeping in the same bed as my 19month old.

Saying the above she didn't agree and wanted me to stop the proceedings (which are next week) and goto a child pyschologist to determine what's best. I agreed to the pyschologist but not to stopping proceedings as this will give us a temporary order on access. She obviously now doesn't agree to joint parenting again.

So we're pretty much back to were we started - that lasted a whole 3 days haha...

I had a question about the case conference - does anyone know the estimated cost of just the case conference?
  #13 (permalink)  
Old 01-10-2006, 07:07 PM
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Catsvlion,

Seems apparent that she is somewhat game playing with you. I would go ahead with proceedings. If you delay and have no official court order or separation agreement in place it just adds to the defacto situation.

Case conference costs are generally not awarded unless a party is not prepared such as not serving the brief, no financial statement, fails to show etc.

Generally there will be no orders issued other than procedural orders such as how to move forward with the case, a Judge may order involvement of the children's lawyer, disclosure of necessary documents information etc. A judge may give his opinion or a recommendation of the outcome of a forthcoming motion if any. It is basically held before any motions to narrow the issues. Briefs are unsworn court docs but a summary of your stance of the situation.

After hearing the Judge's opinion your ex and yourself may come to a consent order on some of the issues.
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Old 01-10-2006, 07:20 PM
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Logicalvelocity,

You give such great advice!!!

In CatvsLions case, wouldn't it be best if he specifically asked for the involvement of the Office of the Children's lawyer, as you need a court order for that. If the Office was to get involved wouldn't that mean that the cost of the psychological assessment be covered by them? These assessments if done privately can cost in the thousands of dollars.
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Old 01-11-2006, 06:29 AM
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Ty Grace.

Yes I agree with you fully with the office of the children's lawyer involved.

The one thing to consider is the age of the child. It may be a little premature to do an assessment at this point in time as the child is unable to talk proficiently and especially on an interim motion stage. You could ask for it, but most likely the judge will just say not at this time, as the child is secure in its current surroundings. They say interim motions are the most important step in the case, however interim decisions are often made on contradicting affidavits etc. Claims and assertions are often never proven etc. Seems to be a flaw in the justice system.


They (children's lawyer) may choose not to be involved as ultimately the decision is theirs to make even if the Judge orders a request of their involvement.

If they choose to be involved, the parental assessment would be covered by them.

They have a criteria for taking on cases. The link is found here.

http://www.attorneygeneral.jus.gov.o...ocl/intake.asp
  #16 (permalink)  
Old 01-11-2006, 07:41 AM
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I agree, she is gameplaying me... she always has been.

I was more asking the actual cost of the case conference, not if it would be awarded or not. (I still have to pay for it ) I'm sure I could find it or ask my lawyer - but was just wondering ball park figure.

I agree with Grace - logicalvelocity is very helpful and has given me some good advice which will and has benifited.

I checked out that link on teh Children's Lawyer - I wonder what they consider to be un-realistic or realistic time-sharing?

In our case conference we've asked for a temporary order for my time-sharing which was in effect since pretty much seperation. My 2 overnights were stopped in November and my daughter just spent her first overnight since then on Jan 7th - the next overnight should be the weekend after the case conference. We've asked that both overnights be re-instated (basically go back to what it was for 8 months). - They're arguement is based on the anxiety that I've outline in my past posts... I was wondering as an assesment pretty much has to be done to determine if there is a concern as she is saying... would the judge believe her until then (basically how will they handle the anxiety and my time-sharing that they will raise in a temporary order. This falls into the reasoning for overnights and now her new concern of my g/f possibly spending the night - how will they handle this - both of which should be dealt with by a pyschologist no?)

We've also asked for an order for the mental reports from her Dr. & Pyschologists as she's claiming so much stress and taking leave off of work and how it's effecting her - and blaming me for it all.
  #17 (permalink)  
Old 01-11-2006, 08:14 PM
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CatvsLion,

How much a case conference would cost, would all depend on how much time your lawyer takes to write and put together the briefs, how much time he/she will be in court, and any communication with both yourself and your spouses lawyer. Then the time spent would be based on the lawyers hourly rate.
  #18 (permalink)  
Old 01-11-2006, 08:57 PM
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The other thing I have to deal with is that my x now tells me how much she wants me back and wants to try to work things out -


Be very leary, she is not being cooperative, or working in the best interest of the child, she is working her own AGENDA!

And for anxiety, give me a break, between 15-24 months children have anxiety when they are seperated from mom, it is a common developmental occurence.

My intuitions says, she is jealous of the girlfriend and now wants you back, well becuse she can't have you, she is still using this poor kid as pawn, she has merely changed her tactics! She sounds like a real gem
  #19 (permalink)  
Old 01-12-2006, 02:10 AM
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Empirical Research on Infant child development indicates that separation anxiety from the primary care giver diminishes at about the age of 18 months.

http://deltabravo.net/custody/child_development.php

Quote

"Considerable evidence now exists (for a review, see Lamb, 1997a) that documents that most infants form meaningful attachments to both of their parents at roughly the same age (6 to 7 months). This is true even though many fathers in our culture spend less time with their infants than mothers do. This indicates that time spent interacting is not the only factor in the development of attachments, although some threshold of interaction is crucial. Most infants come to "prefer" the parent who takes primary responsibility for their care (typically their mothers), but this does not mean that relationships with the other parent are unimportant. "The preference for the primary caretaker appears to diminish with age, and by 18 months, this preference often has disappeared." "


To support this theory, You only have to look at many of the thousands of day care centres located in Ontario alone. There are plenty of 18 month old toddlers in these day care centres on a daily basis several days a week. They seem to adjust well to these strange surroundings.

The other thing to look at is what about Nanny's.
  #20 (permalink)  
Old 01-12-2006, 09:34 AM
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"Most infants come to "prefer" the parent who takes primary responsibility for their care (typically their mothers)"

This is my view on the whole situation as well. My x seems to think that our daughter shouldn't show any anxiety when I pick her up from her. That I am not a 'babysitter'.

She put in her case conference brief that because of the anxiety that no overnights should be allowed and that the transitions be based on the anxiety expressed - having me excerise my access at her residence if any anxiety shown. She has been seeing a pychologist that backs her in this opinion. So basically we'll have to get an assesment to say otherwise - which was brought to my attention can be around $7500 and she wants me to pay for it.

I would like to know if anyone has any reference on a child of 19 months showing anxiety when the father picks their kid up from the mother. If I pick our daughter up from daycare everything is fine.
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