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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 08-01-2017, 09:42 PM
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Originally Posted by foreverhome View Post
Some kids care, some don't. It's up to the the mom/dad tell "why". And if one of the parents cheat, for example, they feel betrayal on all level. And maybe kid wants to talk about it with his therapist and it's ok. Kids need closure. And if they are asking "why" it means they need it.
So you think it's okay to then provide reason for cheating? I mean.... where does one draw the line? Discussion into the "whys" of someone's cheating would be a natural line of questioning for a teen (or anyone for that matter).

Kid's need to know that they are loved, unconditionally, by both parents. That is all. What happened between the parents is business best left for parents to sort out. If mom or dad need to talk about the issue they are better off to seek their own therapist than laying their shit on their children. Seeking assurance from one's children is perverse IMO.
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Old 08-01-2017, 11:23 PM
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What happened between parents - affect kids for the rest of their life. Some parents are just dumb to realize it and do whatever without thinking how their action affect their children for the rest of their life. Yes, they need being loved, unconditionally. But action speak louder than words, some act in such way that question "why" is unavoidable. Sometimes it's better tell your child the truth, than lie.
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Old 08-02-2017, 12:01 AM
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I wonder what the chances are of both parents sitting down with the teenager to explain what "the truth" is?
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Old 08-02-2017, 08:38 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by foreverhome View Post
What happened between parents - affect kids for the rest of their life. Some parents are just dumb to realize it and do whatever without thinking how their action affect their children for the rest of their life. Yes, they need being loved, unconditionally. But action speak louder than words, some act in such way that question "why" is unavoidable. Sometimes it's better tell your child the truth, than lie.
no one is suggesting to lie to the kids, just that it isnt their business. Lots of things affect kids and this is just another thing that shapes them into who they will be.

An example for you to think about. One spouse is beating the other. The second spouse grabs the others wrists or slaps their hand away in self defence. First spouse then tells the kids that the second spouse assaulted them even though it was in self defence and they dont tell the kids they were beating the second spouse first.

Its a very slippery slope.
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Old 08-02-2017, 10:28 AM
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If your teen wants to know something that you dont wish to share that isnt related to your divorce what do you do? Do you share?

Theres no need to include the kids or worry about them knowing too much. Parents are able to keep secrets (see: Santa Claus et al.) This whole "I have to tell the kids the truth" is bs. You tell your teens this is between you and their other parent and there is nothing else to know. Reasonable people keep the kids out of it. Unreasonable people use the kids as a tool and tell them "their side".
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Old 08-06-2017, 01:16 PM
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And parents who lie about Santa Clause to their teens are BS..tters as well
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Old 08-06-2017, 05:22 PM
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And parents who lie about Santa Clause to their teens are BS..tters as well
I have yet to meet a teen who thinks santa is real.
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Old 08-06-2017, 06:25 PM
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I just recalled something funny. When my son was quite young, and to my horror, I realized that my son truly believed that he came from the frozen food aisle by the turkeys. Yep. I kid you not. "The Truth" according to his father. To this day it's a family joke.

So yes my ex was/is a bullshitter. We were both bullshitters as we let him be a "child" and believe in Santa Claus until he probably found out "the truth" from friends.

Making kids grow up too fast is kind of sad. Children have the rest of their lives to create their own baggage and discover that things are not always beautiful. Same goes for "the truth" about the demise of parents divorce. Why sully a good memory of happy times together with biased sordid details? What good does it possibly do to tell a child that their parents fucked around on each other or beat each other up ....????

I reiterate ... a parent who wants to dump their marriage problems on their children is sicko and likely only trying to garner sympathy or alienate the other parent. It's so incredibly obvious.....
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Old 08-06-2017, 07:18 PM
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I have yet to meet a teen who thinks santa is real.
exactly
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Old 08-06-2017, 10:53 PM
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here is a useful article to read on this subject:

Your divorce: Coming clean to your teen
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