So confused, no help from anyone. This case is ruining our hopes, please help?

[Behinditall]

Hello there,

I am between a rock and a hard place here. I am the stepmom, nice to meet you. My husband has joint custody of his two sons with his ex wife. The oldest has some developemental issues that the mother has taken advantage of and is ignorant to. My son also has worse developmental issues and he is thriving and progressing like you wouldn't believe. Mind you I am taking every step to make sure of it myself. However his ex wife has been making it so difficult for my husband to see his children, he is supposed to get them every second weekend and alternating holidays, although we live a bit farther, we make every possible visit with no hesitations. She has limited the visits with only the notion of "I don't want you to have them that long because I said so" !!!???
He is a great father, we've went bankrupt over the last year and have been trying to survive on my baby bonus and his E.I every month, however because he has tried twice to reduce his amounts the courts look at him like he is nothing but a wallet. Fathers rights my foot! He is a great father and a kind man who is strong in family relations, thats why I married him... anyhow his oldest son has been kicked out of school, all because the mother did not get an assessment done by a Dr. in the 6 month timeline they asked for. She blames the school for his violent behavior, the father who rarely sees him, and everyone else but herself. Worst part is her now new husband has previously hit, pinched and smacked the child before and is involved with an open case with the cas to be monitored and have been called bad parents. The boy wants to live with his Dad, his dad got the assessment that was needed in his hometown, and during the assessment the child told the Dr. that he wanted to live with his dad as well. The child is sad, depressed, on medication at his mothers and we feel she is also using that to her advantage and not looking after the best interest of the child what so ever. We have proof... documents from CAS, taped recordings... school letters... but we tried to hire a lawyer, paid $500 because we needed so much help to get started.. she did nothing but cost us money and the day before the start of the case she backed out saying she wanted more money or nothing... so here we are, stuck and helpless. We would love the son to come and live with us, we can get him a private tutor untill a proper school is found, get him back involved with the family and friends he has with us and live in a happy routined household... but how?

[iceberg]

Are you eligible for legal aid?

[staysingle]

How old are the children at the centre of this.? Do you have a valid separation agreement? What are the court orders up to this point in time?

[wretchedotis]

sounds very familier.
fathers are reduced to nothing more than a support check far too often.

I'm fighting. He should too.

[Behinditall]

We applied for legal aid twice, and they said because the case is not "complicated" that we can handle it on our own... we can't!!!
The children are 11 and 9, yes there is a valid seperation agreement, they've been divorced for over 3 years. The only court order is that they share joint custody with the mother to have residential rights. There is nothing against the father with the CAS, nor does he have any priors and has tried his best to pay the child support and alimony as directed, however with our bankrupcy we can only afford half of his E.I... but they are still docking us as if he was still working, over 1600 a month... and today we have just did our books to relize we can't pay next months rent witout family help. This is getting crazy! My son, my relationship and the relationship between my husband and his children are being tarnised by a person who is so greedy and ignoring the children's best interest. So sad...

[dinkyface]

Originally Posted by Behinditall

we can't!!!

Well, I guess that's it then.

[Behinditall]

What's it?
Seriously, does no one on here know or have help for me to continue this? I have been working night and day to try to get papers together, statements.. so on. But when the Father goes to talk it's like he's silenced before he speaks. What about Mothers? if they don't treat their children right how is it that it's ok for them to do what they want? I understand womans lib, but this is enough. I know I am not the only family to have these problems, nor am I the only one fighting the system blindfolded.

[iceberg]

What is it that your husband would like to get out of this?

[dinkyface]

You said "I can't" .. which is a good way to make sure you fail.

I'm guessing your end goal is to get primary residence switched and access schedule changed (and specified IN DETAIL), so that kid goes to school in your area, and you get more time to give child the support he needs.

The assessment you obtained already might not have much credibility, as it was obtained by dad i.e. it will be seen as self-serving. But, still probably somewhat useful.

You have to go to court with the mindset that you are proposing some solutions to problems that are affecting your child.

Flat out asking for switch in residence is probably setting yourself up for failure. It's just too easy for a judge to say no, and then all is ended.

Suggest instead asking for the court to request OCL involvement, or to order parenting assessment.

Organize all your evidence into a clear and concise case (leave out the emotional fluff), showing how you have tried to solve the problem already, and clear reasons why SOMETHING needs to change for the child's benefit. As much as possible, stick to clear, provable facts.

You've had bad experiences before in court, but it is impossible for anyone to comment on this without lots more info on what happened.

[Behinditall]

Aha, ok I understand.
I am only being emotional here, not during court. I have been the one filling out all the papers and files with my husband because I too am deeply involved and see everything that is going on. I have sole custody of my son because of huge reasons with the "sperm doner" who has never been in the childs life. However I have provided a great stable home for my boy without worry from any outside persons. My husband and I go to parenting classes, on our own free will, with the mind set that whatever we might learn will benifit the children in the long run.
His son who is the main child in concern here is ADHD, OCD, ODD, Asburgers. Quite the little hand full, but a smart great minded boy... with the right influences. We are dealing with FRO because she wanted to, and we did not disagree to anything she wanted in the divorce. We sold the house that we were living in, but could not keep up with the payments of a new one because his job was terrminated by the company without warning and because he is a seasonal worker he could not get ends to meet with the demands of the ex wife, could not afford a lawyer, and so we moved. His family has been very supportive and we have just started a company with the help of a program through E.I but, the word is "just starting out" There are limitations to what we can take out of the business because we are under the watchful eye of 3 companies in charge of making sure we are doing what is under contract. We are doing everything as we can, not what the courts think is right, they wanted him to move back to the other town and find work there, wanted me to go to work and pay his child support, or live on the street. Which is all the judge had said to him... I was so saddened, and confused. Anyhow, She got this child support over 1,000 a month, and support of 500 or so a month. Well when we went bankrupt, FRO took half the E.I and that left us getting more help, including help from the red cross. Here she was smiling and demanding for money all the time, making the kids ask us for money, "Dad we can't come see you because you don't want to pay" !!!
He has been supportive of the children, will drive to go to meetings the kids have and always asks the mother for information on whats going on - only to hear her bitch and whine and the calls always end in hang-ups or "You're not getting my son" then a hang up. He has tried getting her to see that we can help him alot, that he wants to be here, and that she is ignorant of his needs so much that she is doing the wrong things to him and for him without seeing it with her own eyes.
We got a reduction early last year, however since the lawyer we paid 500 for dropped us, we have had a hard time getting things back into them since the beginning of the year the system changed the requirements for the financial information. We have it all and are soon going to file, however the money is the least of our worries. We've done and went through alot together including we went to school together to help eachother run this new business, to which he has a diploma in for and years of experience in. But with her... I don't know. I don't want to make this personal as my husband and I have both said we do not want any support from her if the child lives with us, in fact we would like to make it so that the custody is 50%. one child with her and one child with him, no child support for either as each parent is residentially responsible.. however I might be wrong on if something like this exists. We simply want her to maintain a visitation schedual to follow all of this fighting - and if she doesn't have to pay support, then she'll have no excuses to see them during her time with them if she has to drive some.
They have been meeting halfway every time a visit is schedualed. However - I've kept track of last years visitations and the father has only seen his children 44 days out of the whole year... that makes me sick. All because of her... and I'm not trying to sound mean and attacking, but it is true and fact. He calls, or attempts to call his children nightly - on schedual all the time - when she answers the phone mind you. They're not allowed to answer if they see it's him... they have to be there. ?? Yeah.. it's that weird.