Sleeping arrangements

[HammerDad]

I lay beside my 6yo until she falls asleep, then I go to my own bed. My ex would flip if my D6 slept in my bed with my fiance and I.

My D6 will sometimes wake up at night and come get me, at which point I will crash in her room (she has a queen size bed) until morning. But she is doing this less and less.

To each their own. I don't understand co-sleeping all that much. I see people that swear by it, others consider the kids nothing but a bed-wedge. But there house, their life...their choices.

[blinkandimgone]

[HammerDad]

Blink - I hear yeah. When my d6 was 1'ish, I remember sleeping beside her only to be woken up by her giving me a flying head-butt in her sleep......

I swear, sleeping beside my kid is like sleeping beside a tornado.....

[wretchedotis]

blink - i'm not sure if that rather sarcastic post was directed at me - but I think you're missing the point.

I have no problem with children and parents sleeping together. But I can tell you with certainty that at a point it becomes detrimental to the child. When that point is varies from child to child. At 14, young boys are becoming mature, and I can tell you from personal experience at that age, MOM really might not like what 14 yr old boy is dreaming about as they sleep together.

There is no 'correct' answer to how old and in what circumstance. (ie. nightmares.)

But if anyone tells me that mom (or Dad) sleeping with child on a consistant basis is a harmless - I disagree.

[wretchedotis]

in fact - it was 1 of 3 reasons cited by CAS here in ON as to why someone I know was recently had their 2 children yanked from Mom, and placed with him.

Sarcasm aside, how funny is that?

[billiechic]

I have recently had to put my foot down with my 5yo, as she has been crawling into bed with me quite often. We are just about to move in with my BF, so my daughter and I have been working really hard at staying in her own bed all night (she is working on a good-sleeping sticker chart).

The other side of the problem is that yes, she has become so attached to having her mom or dad there when she falls asleep, that she says she needs our "smell" to fall asleep. Not good. My solution, I gave her my pyjamma top. I do still have to get up in the night and check on her occasionally, but it is working

Unfortunately her efforts are not going so well at her dad's house. Last week she came home disappointed. She told me she had tried really hard to sleep in her bed at dad's, but that in the middle of the night dad had come in and brought her to his bed. She said he was lonely.


Co-sleeping is only good if the co-sleeping parent is a mentally and emotionally stable person. A parent should have no need to sleep with their child, and never do it if they are suffering from negative emotions or depression. To do so puts enormous stress on the child and responsibility for their parent's happiness or companionship. This is just too close to sounding like the "job" of a partner.

Knowing that my ex is a member of the above group, our family doctor strictly told my daughter 2 weeks ago that she is too old to be sleeping in her parents bed. There are exceptions to the rule, but generally co-sleeping, imho is a bad idea (except during camping trips)

[Tayken]

Dr. Phil was mentioned. No one mentioned the only person anyone should listen to... JUDGE JUDY!



FYI: Just on a side note... I have seen "co-sleeping" come up on motion and at trial now. It all depends on how conservative the judge is on matters like this. Judges are still very conservative on matters like this... So, if played right by the side and good research is done to determine if the presiding judge is conservative... It could be a good argument against the parent doing it.

It all depends on how you present the argument. New age parents at trial generally don't do as well as the parent who presents themselves as "traditional" and "conservative" still.

It is all a gamble in court as to what is better. What is better socially... Really, it shouldn't be up to the courts to decide but, judges are human... Many are conservative humans who don't get the nuparenting movements generally.

Good Luck!
Tayken

[High Road]

DonnaB,
Tell you brother to parent how he sees fit, and let her parent the way she sees fit. Giving her grief over how she parents only builds hostility and their relationship will suffer, then the child suffers, all over where the child sleeps???? Little silly don't you think? If you want to help your brother, tell him to let go of the little stuff and try to build a positive relationship with his ex for the sake of the child.

[wretchedotis]

Originally Posted by billiechic

Co-sleeping is only good if the co-sleeping parent is a mentally and emotionally stable person. A parent should have no need to sleep with their child, and never do it if they are suffering from negative emotions or depression. To do so puts enormous stress on the child and responsibility for their parent's happiness or companionship. This is just too close to sounding like the "job" of a partner.

Excellent point.

Originally Posted by High Road

DonnaB,
Tell you brother to parent how he sees fit, and let her parent the way she sees fit. Giving her grief over how she parents only builds hostility and their relationship will suffer, then the child suffers, all over where the child sleeps???? Little silly don't you think? If you want to help your brother, tell him to let go of the little stuff and try to build a positive relationship with his ex for the sake of the child.

The wisest answer here.