Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Parenting Issues

Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

Closed Thread
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 03-02-2009, 04:49 PM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 6
Spankie111 is on a distinguished road
Default Sick During Assigned Visit

Hello! I'm writing on behalf of my girlfriend.

She has primary care and control of her 6 year old daughter and the father has visitation access every second weekeend. In the event that the father cancels a weekend visit (eg. he is out of town), no make up visit will be provided by the mother. However if the mother cancels a weekend visit, she must provide a make up date for him.

What should she do if the child is sick on the day of an assigned weekend visit? She cancelled his visit this past weekend because the daughter was too sick but now the father is calling her school and verifying that she was sick. My girlfriend is now second guessing herself and thinking that she should have let her daughter go with him.

If the child is sick, wouldn't it make sense to have the child get better first and provide a makeup visit later? Letting the child out could make her sicker. However, allowing the father to continue with his visit will give him an opportunity to see what the mother goes through when the child is sick.

Has anyone had any similar experiences?

Any thoughts or comments would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 03-02-2009, 05:06 PM
Kimberley's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Ottawa
Posts: 477
Kimberley is on a distinguished road
Default

I would have to say that it depends on the child, the age, the sickness etc. When a child just has a cold (cough, sniffles, no fever) then I see no reason to cancel a visit. If the child has something more severe, or a concerning temperature, then I think it should be discussed with the child's father regardless and let him have to opportunity to be the parent that cuddles the child in sickness.
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 03-02-2009, 05:06 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Toronto
Posts: 52
ikikass70 is on a distinguished road
Default

No, not in my opinion.

By cancelling the visit, the Mother is saying that only she is qualified to care for the child. That is not correct.

Fathers have as much right as Mothers to provide care for a sick child. My spouse gets his daughter without fail. Regardless of whether she is sick or not. He gets up with her if she has fevers and rubs her back if she vomits. It is all part in parcel of raising a child and both parents are equally qualified.

She should not be cancelling visits unless travel would cause undue pain and discomfort for the child. (Ex: uncontrollable diarrhea or vomiting.)
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 03-02-2009, 07:15 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Kitchener Ontario
Posts: 5,205
standing on the sidelines is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ikikass70 View Post
No, not in my opinion.

By cancelling the visit, the Mother is saying that only she is qualified to care for the child. That is not correct.

Fathers have as much right as Mothers to provide care for a sick child. My spouse gets his daughter without fail. Regardless of whether she is sick or not. He gets up with her if she has fevers and rubs her back if she vomits. It is all part in parcel of raising a child and both parents are equally qualified.

She should not be cancelling visits unless travel would cause undue pain and discomfort for the child. (Ex: uncontrollable diarrhea or vomiting.)
gotta agree.
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 03-02-2009, 10:04 PM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 21
Gord Shell is on a distinguished road
Default

I also 100% agree with ikikass70, it is extremely incorrect to imply or say that only the mother can care for a sick child. My ex used to do this to me and it always bothered me. She used to say that my daughter needed to be with her if she was sick, and would cancel my visitation.

Fathers (good ones, caring ones) are capable of taking care of their sick children just as well as mothers.
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 03-03-2009, 07:13 AM
FL_Needs_To_Change's Avatar
Moderator
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Northern Ontario
Posts: 1,261
FL_Needs_To_Change has a spectacular aura aboutFL_Needs_To_Change has a spectacular aura about
Default

I too must agree, father's (non-custodial) parents have not lost their ability to love and care for their child. They too must be given the respect of being a parent and all that it entails, smiles or vomit. I think the proper way to address this is to discuss it with him, and together mom and dad should have an equal say into where and what is best for the daughter relative to her best interests not the mother's preferences.

In fact my husband is far more companionate to our daughter then our son, and equally for me, not that either of us is not deeply companionate to both kids, we are both deeply committed to them. But I’ve watched as dad held the daughter’s hair while she was sick, or dad would rub the son’s back when he was under the weather, etc. Or I would take that role depending on the situation. I think dads and daughters have a bond like no other. And that is how I feel that this situation should also be viewed.
  #7 (permalink)  
Old 03-03-2009, 08:54 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Toronto
Posts: 885
#1StepMom is on a distinguished road
Default

I agree with all the posters. Unless the child is so very ill that travelling would only cause them further pain/discomfort (and with this, we must take into account the distance/length of travel as well), he/she should be released by the custodial parent to the non-custodial parent for his/her visitation weekend.

I have spent countless sleepless nights at the bedside of my sick stepson while my fiancé ran to a 24hr pharmacy to pick up medication, or vice versa.

It's nice to know that the custodial parent is willing to provide a make-up visit, but in reality, the non-custodial parent should be allowed to care for his/her child in sickness and in health. ;-)
  #8 (permalink)  
Old 03-04-2009, 11:20 PM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 6
Spankie111 is on a distinguished road
Default

Interesting comments. Thanks for the feedback!
  #9 (permalink)  
Old 01-22-2012, 04:37 PM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Burnaby
Posts: 5
stevepiper is on a distinguished road
Smile Do what is best for the child

You need to simply do what is best for the child.
  #10 (permalink)  
Old 01-22-2012, 10:43 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,656
WorkingDAD is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Spankie111 View Post
Hello! I'm writing on behalf of my girlfriend.

She has primary care and control of her 6 year old daughter and the father has visitation access every second weekeend. In the event that the father cancels a weekend visit (eg. he is out of town), no make up visit will be provided by the mother. However if the mother cancels a weekend visit, she must provide a make up date for him.

What should she do if the child is sick on the day of an assigned weekend visit? She cancelled his visit this past weekend because the daughter was too sick but now the father is calling her school and verifying that she was sick. My girlfriend is now second guessing herself and thinking that she should have let her daughter go with him.

If the child is sick, wouldn't it make sense to have the child get better first and provide a makeup visit later? Letting the child out could make her sicker. However, allowing the father to continue with his visit will give him an opportunity to see what the mother goes through when the child is sick.

Has anyone had any similar experiences?

Any thoughts or comments would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!
our mom try to cancel visit even when kid is teething (according to her) and has temperature 37.5 C (what is actually meant nothing not even that child is sick)

but than she said that child is perfect when he in fact has pinkeye and I has to bring him to walk in clinic...

so I would say unless it something really really bad (and if that a case child should probably attend er) go with your time. It you responsibility too to care about kid when he sick...
Closed Thread


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
what are her rights? what are my rights as a mom? tryingmybest Divorce & Family Law 8 02-04-2009 07:14 PM
sick kids & time off work... mcr Parenting Issues 1 12-15-2008 01:48 PM
Sick with worry - help appreciated -Alberta- ScaredforSister Common Law Issues 7 10-27-2008 09:09 AM
son always sick dickstacie Parenting Issues 3 02-15-2008 09:06 PM
So I can't move to ON, but can I visit? mochamichelle Parenting Issues 1 12-16-2006 10:40 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:39 AM.