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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 07-31-2013, 05:50 PM
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knackered is on a distinguished road
Default She's asking for kids to call her but she lies/makes false police reports

Have been separated from ex for 5 years. 2 children--ages 9 and 5.

Background to understand my situation/fear of ex.

Upon separation, a week before I was supposed to move out, as mutually agreed. I began packing some dishes, ex immediately started argument...called her Mom on the phone. Short while later, police showed up at our house, stating ex's Mom said she heard me threaten ex's life over the phone. (Didn't happen) Police escorted me out of home. This allowed ex and her family to prevent me from taking any of my belongings, content division from the house. Charges were later dropped against me in court.

For a few years, ex and I did have phone communication, in arranging pick up/drop off of children.
Ex was calling more than she needed...inappropriate times...sometimes after 11:30pm/before 7:00am. She could call one day being nice/telling me how her day went (why?)
The next time she would call, yelling at me, telling me how hard it was for her being a single Mom.
She would try and get me to agree to things regarding giving her more money, giving me extra time with the kids, etc.

In 2011, we did an amendment to our agreement. My lawyer and her lawyer discussed that there would no longer be phone communication between us. Everything would be through e-mail.
Ex continued to call me on average once a week....I never answered/just let answering machine get it--sometimes she would leave a message for me to call her back/sometimes just hang up.
My lawyer wrote a couple more letters to ex's lawyer, reminding ex that there was not to be phone communication between us, and her calls would go unanswered.
(I just ended up blocking her number from calling me....sometimes I get an "unknown caller" and I am guessing 95% of the "unknown caller" calls are probably her!)

During these years, there was never phone communication between us with the kids. She has them all week. I have them every other weekend and different one week periods throughout the year (holidays, summer)

Now all of a sudden this year when it is my time with the kids, ex is e-mailing me, telling me to have the kids call her. (It's like she's trying to use the kids as bait now to get phone communication)

I've ignored her most times. Last time we were at a friends when I seen the e-mail of her requesting to call them. The friends said that they had speaker phone/they were witnesses to what was said over the we had the kids call her.
9 yearold was very uncomfortable talking on the phone/lowered voice/barely spoke/anything she questioned (what are you doing? what have you done on your holidays? etc.) 9 year old told her "I don't know" (Meanwhile we had gone to movies, swimming, theme park, etc.)
5 year old spoke loud and clear on the phone, had a more decent conversation.

I'm scared to have the kids call her/that ex could use it as proof (our number calling her) to make up another lie that I threatened her life or something. (Friends have warned me of her doing this--they know someone who this did happen to)

But I realize she is probably trying to use it against me/try and pull the alienation card.
She sent an e-mail saying that I didn't have the kids call her on mothers' day or her birthday and I am teaching them to not care.
(In reality, I sent the kids home with a big box of chocolates for mother's day and a gift for her birthday--made it a good experience for the kids/picking something out for her--teaching them to care!......but no I did not have them call her)

What do you do in this sort of situation when the ex has done past false police reports, and lies (when we arranged my time with kids over phone...I had them every weekend....when I brought that up at our lawyer meeting to settle in 2011, ex lied saying she "didn't remember that" and refused to keep that every weekend schedule for me)
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  #2 (permalink)  
Old 07-31-2013, 07:54 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Toronto
Posts: 5,448
Mess is a jewel in the roughMess is a jewel in the roughMess is a jewel in the roughMess is a jewel in the rough

You have an order for no phone access. You stick to that order.

Let her try to take you to court over a mother's day phone call, when there is an order against phone access. It's ridiculous.
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  #3 (permalink)  
Old 07-31-2013, 08:15 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,838
stripes is on a distinguished road

Your ex is being unreasonable and devious. There's nothing ambiguous about a no-phone-contact order, and it's pretty low for her to stoop to using the kids to get around it. When the kids are old enough to have their own phones (definitely older than 9 and 5!) they can call her, within reason. Until then, it's your phone.

If she has the kids the lion's share of the time, plus you're doing things like sending her mother's day and birthday presents, it would be hard for her to claim that she's being alienated. A court order trumps her wishes to get phone calls.

It sounds like she thrives on drama. You're doing the right thing by minimizing contact. Keep it up.
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Old 07-31-2013, 08:35 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 197
knackered is on a distinguished road

Sorry, don't have an actual court order stating that. My wording threw you guys off! During our meeting settlement to make the amendment (more so regarding child support and babysitting) We discussed other issues--one of them being the phone was agreed in discussion that there would be no phone communication....but didn't actually get put in the amendment/court order!
My lawyer has wrote letters to her lawyer (when she had one) last year reminding her that there is no phone communication/I will not answer her calls.
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Old 07-31-2013, 08:50 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,838
stripes is on a distinguished road

So you have nothing in writing mandating no phone communication, and there's nothing that prohibits her from calling you? That makes the situation a little more difficult. If she has started ramping up the attempts to call, perhaps it's time for another letter from your lawyer reminding her of what the earlier letter stated, that you will only communicate on email. Normally this could be resolved between the two parties, but in the case of your ex, I think using a lawyer to avoid more direct interaction is worth the cost.
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  #6 (permalink)  
Old 07-31-2013, 09:25 PM
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BitHunter is on a distinguished road

install a call recording software on your cellphone, let her know in writing that all the calls are recorded (it is legal if at least one of the parties know about it) and if she requests have the kids call her.
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