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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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Old 08-17-2009, 03:50 PM
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Location: Vaughan
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billiechic is on a distinguished road
Default selfish??

STBX and I had a talk about future plans last night. He asked what my plans were. I told him I would stay with my mom for a year and finish off paying school debt. We have been unable to agree where our daughter (3) will start school next year. He wants to live near family, and so do I , which is about 45 mins apart.

Our daughter attends daycare at a facility about 10 mins drive from each of our workplaces. (Vaughan) The best solution I could come up with was to find a way to continue having her attend this daycare whenever she is not in school (as they are half days I think). That way she will have some stability in her life (we are selling the home and moving away from Barrie) So I figured after a year, when she was to start school I would move in to the school area so that she could attend one of the schools that use her current daycare. She would be at the daycare before school and after school, and would know all the teachers and keep her friends.

Of course there is one bonus for me, my commute would only be 15 mins. However, I would have to pay a higher rent in this area, but it would still work out a little better money wise.

So of course STBX freaked out saynig this was selfish of me. I told him it wasn't as I was trying to keep things as stable for her as possible. I do not have an friends or support in this area. I said you could as easily move to the area so she could attend one of these schools, he said no, he wanted to be near family.

Am I being selfish? Does this sound like a reasonable plan?
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Old 08-17-2009, 06:21 PM
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Location: Kitchener Ontario
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standing on the sidelines is on a distinguished road

lets see, you want to keep the child in the same daycare etc and he accuses you of beng selfish?? You are willing to move to an area so she will be in the school district and keep the same daycare for before/after school care? You have no family or friends in the are but you are willing to move just to keep some routine in your childs life?

Oh yes I agree with him you are being totally selfish for putting your daughters needs, comfort and stability first. That was suppose to be sarcastic. You are doing the right thing to keep things normal for your child.
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Old 08-18-2009, 09:53 AM
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billiechic is on a distinguished road

Thanks. I thought I was only thinking of myself there..
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Old 08-18-2009, 10:43 AM
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I don't think switching schools or daycare is disruptive - it happens to kids all the time - they leave daycare to go to school, they leave school to go to another school etc.

I would not make all my moves and locations, given that you are changing locations, based on my childs daycare location - that seems disproportionate to me in the extreme!

Your ex's desire to live near family seems to me a much more important reason than a daycare that your child will leave in a couple of years anyway.

Given that you are moving, I think you both need to be satisfied with the new location, and I do think closeness to family is important, especially when the child will be living in a separated home.
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Old 08-18-2009, 10:58 AM
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billiechic is on a distinguished road

But what puts his need to be near family ahead of my need to be near family? I am going to be staying with my mom for a year to get back on my feet. Our families live 45 mins apart. How is the decision made which one "wins" so we both have to live in one town? Why should I have to move away from my family so he can be near his?

Currently our daughter sees her entire family (on her dad's side) every other Saturday. Why would she need to live in the same town if this has always been when she saw them? Why would she need to be in the same town to see them more often?

By moving to the area where her daycare is I would be solving our problem. He would be able to live near his family, she could see them whenever he had her with him. He would still be able to have 50/50 custody, as long as he continued to drop her off at daycare.

Continuing to use this daycare is what allows us to stop fighting over where she will go to school. STBX is adamant that she not go to daycare where my mom lives, and I understand. I would have been moving out of my mom's at the time she is ready to start school, so why not move where is is more convienient for both of us?

I don't think it would be a sacrifice on my part at all. I think it is the easiest way to solve our problem of where she goes to school, and will be easiest on our daughter.
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