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  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Parenting Issues

Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 11-03-2017, 10:37 AM
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Piggy,

Can't change what she does, just gotta change what he does. Bullies get bored when they don't get the payoff they're looking for
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  #22 (permalink)  
Old 11-03-2017, 11:00 AM
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Originally Posted by blinkandimgone View Post
Spending money for lawyers and judges over a backpack? You must have more money to waste on that kind of nonsense than the rest of us. Can't imagine how backlogged (even more) the courts would be having to deal with every child's backpack.
You are starting to sound like Pazaratz!

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1. How did parents ever raise children before Family Court was invented?

2. Where did they scribble their endless complaints about one another, before we gave them fill-in-the-blank forms called affidavits?

3. In Hamilton, where did angry, vengeful parents hang out on Fridays at 10:00 a.m., before the advent of “motions court”?

4. As a judicial system, we like to think we’re helping people. Sometimes we even succeed.

5. But when many of our regular customers regard repeated trips to Family Court as “no big deal”, perhaps all we’re really doing is creating lazy parents. It’s easier to dump a mess on a judge, than to grow up and raise your own children.

6. Most families come to us once, at a time of crisis. They solve their problems. And they never come back.

7. But our system is plagued by a small group of frequent flyers who keep adding new chapters to their horror story. They keep coming back because we’ve made it easy for them. And perversely, they almost seem to enjoy it.

8. There are all sorts of reasons that this has to stop.

9. As a community, we can’t afford to fund courtrooms as a playground for petulance.

10. But most importantly, these endless court cases are usually about children. And no matter how much parents pretend that each salvo is “for the sake of the child”, the reality is that endless conflict and litigation inevitably breeds family misery. And children end up being robbed of their joy and innocence.

11. This is one of those cases that really shouldn’t have come to court. Both parties represented themselves. So it cost them nothing to create all of this mayhem.
Peters-Webb v. Cloutier, 2017 ONSC 6139 (CanLII)

Date: 2017-10-16
Docket: 3612/14
Citation: Peters-Webb v. Cloutier, 2017 ONSC 6139 (CanLII), http://canlii.ca/t/h6mhg
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  #23 (permalink)  
Old 11-03-2017, 11:46 AM
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I had this exact same issue. Parents who gate-keep like this, have mental problems.

Mom playing "Gatekeeper" by not handing over backpack and kid's school stuff, at pickups. She would "filter" out what she deemed should be sent with child to my house (which usually was nothing, except sometimes some overdue homework). Kid's school planner would never get sent with child. Mom would pull out field trip notifications, etc.

You just have to find ways to bypass the problem parent, as much as possible, even when those ways seem to not make any logical sense. They want control - so you have to remove their control as much as possible, or show them, that you're ignoring their gatekeeping attempts.

I did put in writing (emails) to ex, to request that child be allowed to bring their school backpack, homework, etc. with them to my house. Framed it as it's child's belongings, and that child shouldn't have to worry about anxiety or conflict, over such trivial matters.

Homework was an issue, and child's grades were reflecting this (this went on for a long time for me). So then communication (in writing) to the ex, was framed along the lines of, "child is still not being allowed to bring their school stuff here. Please ensure it's forwarded with them, as I am not seeing any homework come this way, and teacher has mentioned that they are behind, and I can assist child with this".

If your ex is like mine, then your ex will respond (because she can't help herself) with nasty responses to your emails, in non-child focused way.

That still, isn't enough though, it seems.

But in my case, unfortunately(fortunately?), a material change presented itself for court action, and I now have primary custody of child (working on making it longer-term permanent). Those child-focused emails I sent to the other parent, documenting who the problem parent was, are really helping...I think.

Last edited by dad2bandm; 11-03-2017 at 12:06 PM.
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  #24 (permalink)  
Old 11-03-2017, 11:58 AM
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I get what Tayken and Blink are saying and I know they are trying to get creative here but to me this just seems something that the courts would want to do something about.

A child's underwear or shoes, I would understand - don't go to court for that. A child's backpack when you have the child overnight ? Now that's an issue in relation to the child's education.

After all, custody is about issues in relation to education, health, and religion.

It is interfering with child's education. Can't do homework, can't review and sign planner, can't work on projects that may be due, can't study for a test/quiz that child may have. Just aweful.

I think it is an issue worthy of a nice email, with a nasty response email from her to help you, followed up by a letter from a lawyer threatening court action.

Thinking about this again, If dad brings his own backpack, that might cause mom to flip and dig her grave even deeper. Perhaps something the father could try, however, not sure how he could justify to a judge why he brought an empty backpack for the child - and how that will impact the child. I have 2 backpacks, one from mom that she won't let me take to dads, and an empty one from dad. Poor child.

Last edited by trinton; 11-03-2017 at 12:01 PM.
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  #25 (permalink)  
Old 11-09-2017, 09:53 PM
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Thanks for all the advice everyone! I appreciate it!
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