Questions about Exchanges, Settlement Conf.

[Teddie]

My ex and I have a settlement conference scheduled for next week. To date we have a signed order from a judge giving us 50/50 access and joint custody. She makes 52K and I make 77K. I have been paying her the offset CS to date.

For the settlement conference the plan is supposed to be the final equalization of assets, mainly my pension. However, my ex is again putting in her brief that I am a terrible parent, a drunk, a child abuser, etc etc and she is continuing to seek sole custody and supervised access to me. Obviously she is dreaming.

She is also arguing for SS and increased CS.

I know the judge cannot make a ruling at a settlement conference but do you think I can expect him to ignore all her BS as it was already court ordered back in August?

My other concern is that when the judge made his order he specified a Sunday exchange at 4pm instead of the Friday exchange I had requested. Now I am in the unenviable position of having to see her face to face every Sunday. No matter who's house the exchange takes place at, she comes out and causes a scene. I stay in my car now and record everything because she has a history of using police as a weapon, BUT, it's frigging embarrassing!!! She has yelled that I am an abuser and adulterer in front of her neighbors and mine....among other things.

If I send her an email stating that I will only exchange the kids down the road instead of in front of my house, will a judge see that as a poor move on my part?

Sorry for all the questions but she is EXTREMELY difficult to deal with. I ignore her as much as a can but even when I stay in my car, she comes right up to the window to give me her 2 cents.

Thanks

[NBDad]

You should send her an email, followed up an R3 letter if necessary, after each outburst. Indicate that you do not believe it to be in the children's best interests to witness her verbally abusing you, and request that such behavior stop immediately. If she has a lawyer, have YOUR lawyer send hers an angry attorney letter, requesting she stop the verbal abuse at the pick up and drop offs.

If the abuse DOESN'T stop you can then have your lawyer send the request to modify the pick ups/drop offs accordingly to see if they other side will agree...if they DON'T....you then take the documentation, the other parties refusal to agree to modify the schedule, AND the correspondence outlining the behavior, and when next before the judge, ask that the pickup/drop off times be adjusted accordingly given her refusal to stop with the outbursts. If you can obtain affidavits from your neighbors, her neighbors, and/or the person you bring with you, so much the better.

If you have her recorded behaving as such, perhaps discuss with your lawyer about having the tape played in court. Better yet, have a friend come along and stand across the street and video tape the exchange from a safe distance.

Above all else, bite your tongue, don't take the bait and hell, if you have to practice the glazed stare over her head so be it. Personally I would make sure she knows you are recording her. When she heads your way, simply pull the recorder out and make a show of clicking the RECORD button. Hang the damn thing around your neck if necessary.

[Teddie]

Thanks NBDad.....what do you mean by R3 letter?

[NBDad]

Registered - Receipt Required

Essentially registered mail that she has to sign for. Costs about $12 thru Canada Post.