Parenting Coordinator?

[Nadia]

Has anyone used a parenting coordinator? Has it been helpful? My lawyer is suggesting that this is the way to go.

We have two children three and five years old. Very difficult relationship with ex. No co-parenting to speak of. We were using a communication book initially, but stopped working when ex started using it as a way to vent his anger on issues not related to the children. Also used it for intimidation and threats.

I have sole custody and ex has generous access, alternative weekends from Friday through to Monday morning and overnights on alternative Tuesdays and Thursdays. Access has been taking place regularly including vacation time over the summer, birthdays etc in line with court order. But exchange of children have become an issue of late because third party is on vacation, and we have had to use a police station.

As far as ex is concerned there is no flexibility with the schedule, even where it occasionally makes sense to switch weekends because special days (e.g. mothers Day or fathers day) falls on other parents weekend. In this situation it would make sense to simply switch weekends, instead of having the children sent back and forth every other day.

Going back to my original point, how useful can a Parenting Coordinator be in a situation like ours? Has anyone else used one? Is there someone anyone could recommend?

[Mess]

Nothing is going to help unless both parties want things to improve.

If your ex is doing things like using the communication book for personal attacks, and other things I've read in your other posts, then what is a parenting co-ordinator going to tell him? To smarten up? To let go of his anger? Not to go over to the Dark Side?

He's not going to listen. A third party can only help if both parents want the help. If he can step back and realize that this isn't working and things have to change, and at least some of the change has to come from him, then it can work. But that is whole problem you are having.

I think it might be of some help if he is getting too much bad advice from his friends and family and he is being convinced he is the victim, etc and an objective profession giving the opinion to just drop all this shit and do what's right for the children might wake him up. But I can't answer that, you have to be the best judge of where his hostilitiy is coming from.

[dadtotheend]

Parenting coordinator....those two words make me want to puke.

Maybe it's just the semantics. If you called that person a counsellor, it would be much easier to swallow. But the notion that someone needs to have the most base of instincts "coordinated" for them is disgusting to me.

Don't get me wrong, I have made use of all manner of support - family, friends, co-workers, teachers, doctors, counsellors, anonymous support groups, this forum, etc. etc.

But a parenting coordinator? NEVER!!!

[dinkyface]

You want to start supporting ANOTHER $300/hour professional?

[Nadia]

Thank you 'mess' for your advice. I think you might be on to something here. My ex does play the 'victim' role over and over again. Lots to think about here.
Thanks again.