parent/significant other access question

[jennw]

You are not being bitchy at all.

Safety is the issue here and you don't just let 'anyone' pick her up so I don't see why you would let the girlfriend pick her up without first meeting her.

I'd put it out there to her myself...and if she responds and YOU get a good feel for her, get all her contact info, etc..then great.

If not..sorry, the responsibility falls on the Father for his pick up days.

[wretchedotis]

Mom's level of "comfort" does not constitue any issue with safety whatsoever.

[nowwhat]

Thanks everyone for your input. The 'approval' concept is because my daughter is getting picked up at a city of ottawa daycare and they require approval by both parents if someone else is going to be added it the pick up list. Once the name is approved only one parents needs to call to say that the other is picking up the child.
If the relationship works, great. I would prefer him with a gf/wife, then alone, while taking care of my daughter. I just have no contact info, last name, etc. To me it just seems irresponsible. I would want him to ask the same of me when I propose to add my bf to the list.

I'm sad of course that he may be thinking that the gf could now do pick up and drop off all the time while he works 12 hour days or is out of the country for whatever length of time. My wish for 50/50 access was that he spend time with his child, not put her in the care of a sitter for days at a time. I guess perhaps I was uninformed about access/care. And this goes both ways. What some of you are saying is that I could actually go work in the States for any length of time(days, weeks, months), and unknowing to my ex, have my bf(with no last name, address, etc) take care of my child. We have a 'first refusal clause' in our sep agreement, but by the sounds of it here, that doesn't really hold any weight. Is that really true legally?

[nowwhat]

Double post.......

[nowwhat]

I guess I should just be happy that the gf seems good, and hope that my bf is a good man. I had just originally thought that both parents had more rights than they do and that more due diligence was required legally.

[billiechic]

If he was working 12 hours regularly and not spending any time with your child when the child is with him, then that is enough to apply for a motion to change. However I don't think that is your issue.

Giving permission for her to pick up your child should be only out of necessity. if you can, explain to your ex how happy your child is when daddy picks her up. I know my daughter is happier when I pick her up rather than her Grandma. Hopefully he will make it a priority to pick her up and only have the GF do it when he can't.

No, right of first refusal is not really all that powerful, I think it is mainly something just to assuade one parent or the other. I would like it, but don't expect it to be enforced as we both have several family members who we agree can care for our child in absence.

Maybe it could be clarified so that if one parent is not available for overnights or 8 hours (or whatever) then the other parent gets first refusal. Personally I wouldn't want my ex trying to invoke it whenever I wanted to go out late, so it would have to be for a length of time over 12 hours or overnight. Even then the occasional overnight my mom would want to watch her. Just remember that whatever you think is reasonable for your ex must also apply to you.

[wretchedotis]

I think there may be some issues with either parent leaving country for any length of time, and leaving children behind. I am not a lawyer, and do not know to what extent the law accepts or prohibits this. But consider - should either of you re-marry, and leave the children in care of the new spouse for a week-end or something. Is that so unreasonable?

I'm not trying to advocate that you should be kept in the dark either. It is more than fair and responsable to exchange information for any issues that may arise. I would expect parents of sound character to offer such information freely.

What I am saying is that you have to accept that this is the way things are, and you need to realize your wishes are not always paramount to your ex anymore.

Or, perhaps... I'm extending a personal conflict into my arguement here on these boards. LOL.

It's a tough thing to give up control, but thats what each must do when exercising 50/50.