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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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Old 04-24-2012, 02:47 PM
DDM DDM is offline
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Default Parent Coordinator requests drug test

My ex and I have been working with a parent-coordinator to establish an access plan. A year ago my ex and I had an altercation when I went to pick up my son, who is 3. She contacted her lawyer, made a report to the Children's Aid and withdrew my access for 3 months. She finally relented to having my mother pickup my son and supervise my visits. I finally got her to agree to involving a parent coordinator in January and the process has been going well - for me. Today the coordinator called and asked for a drug test for pot, which I do smoke on a recreational bases. My ex knows this as we both smoked together during our marriage but I know this request has come from her. So I can either fail the test or refuse. What are the implications?

Another request he has made is to speak with my recently ex-girlfriend. I have no idea why she would have anything relative to add other than reference to my character. Strange!
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Old 04-24-2012, 03:08 PM
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First suggestion - quit smoking pot.

Just because your ex smoked it, doesn't mean they do any more.

Any refusal will be viewed negatively, most likely as an admittance of quilt. Any positive test results will be taken into consideration when the judge determines custody of the child. Most judges do not view smoking pot is a positive character trait.

If you want to avoid positive test results and having to avoid testing in general, stop smoking it. Your lungs will likely thank you for it.
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Old 04-24-2012, 03:22 PM
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HammerDad:
Interesting - Could steroid use be a factor in custody issues too? Can a test be requested?
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Old 04-24-2012, 04:18 PM
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I would assume so - Roid Rage? Not exactly healthy for children to be around...

I've been requested to take a drug test (did so willingly) and asked the same of my ex. Just don't do it. You can do without it for as long as you need to, to get through this.

You're not doing it while the children are in your care, i assume. That will be taken into consideration, i would hope.

My ex smoked while pregnant and breastfeeding - against my wishes, i might add. A cause of many fights. I did a search on Canlii and came up with case after case where expert witness' testified that there was no evidence smoking marijuana had any ill effect on the unborn child, other than low birth weight and basically did not affect the end decision.

That being said, i filed a nice picture of my ex smoking with my motion materials yesterday.
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Old 04-24-2012, 05:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DDM View Post
My ex and I have been working with a parent-coordinator to establish an access plan. A year ago my ex and I had an altercation when I went to pick up my son, who is 3. She contacted her lawyer, made a report to the Children's Aid and withdrew my access for 3 months. She finally relented to having my mother pickup my son and supervise my visits. I finally got her to agree to involving a parent coordinator in January and the process has been going well - for me. Today the coordinator called and asked for a drug test for pot, which I do smoke on a recreational bases. My ex knows this as we both smoked together during our marriage but I know this request has come from her. So I can either fail the test or refuse. What are the implications?
I am a recovering methamphetamine addict. I'm going into my 18th month of sobriety. I am now trying to change my supervsed access to unsupervised. I have submitted to two hair follicle tests which show a total of 10 months of complete sobriety.

I understand marijuana is nowhere near the same as meth, but nevertheless, it's a mind altering drug. I have read cases where some judges didn't mind so much that the parent was smoking weed as long as it was not interfering with his/her capability as a parent. Then again, I have read several cases where the parent's access was supervised because of smoking weed. It really depends on who the judge is, which is something over which you'll have no control if it goes to court. So my advice would be to stop smoking weed.

Yes, your refusal to take a test can and will be seen as an admission that you use drugs and an acknowledgement that you would fail the test. I think it may be better to tell the parenting coordinator that you do use marijuana recreationally, but it does not affect your parenting and you are stopping as of now.

It also depends what kind of test they're asking you to do. If it's a hair test, then that will show how heavy or light of a user you are, and drugs can stay in your hair follicles for up to 8 months. If they want a simple urine test, you might be in good shape. Drugs can be detected in the urine for only up to 72 hours. So stop right now and get back to the coordinator in about 2-3 days and agree to the test. It'll probably take another two days (if not longer) for you to actually do the test and by that time (as long as you have completely abstained from using even the smallest amount) your urinalisys should come out negative.
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Old 04-24-2012, 05:41 PM
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Quote:
Today the coordinator called and asked for a drug test for pot, which I do smoke on a recreational bases.
I cannot understand someone who uses "recreational" drugs (whatever that means) during a custody dispute.

I know this may sound judgemental (cause it is) but where are your priorities?
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Old 04-24-2012, 05:49 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 007 View Post
HammerDad:
Interesting - Could steroid use be a factor in custody issues too? Can a test be requested?
Likely.

The test will likely be: Is the substance in question a) illegal and/or b) socially unacceptable. While socially unacceptable will likely alter from case to case as there are those that use medical weed or need steriods for rehab.

But if the question is, will the person be likely convicted of a crime due to use or possession of that substance? If the answer is yes, a judge isn't likely to go look kindly on.

The other side will argue that the use was historical and they are no longer using and thus, it is a non-factor. If they then provide evidence to support this, and it likely will be a non-factor (shouldn't be punished for past issues). Further argument will be you knew of the issue for years and there were no issues, thus you know the threat is minimal....and they are trying to quit...

Quitting is the biggest key. Followed by proving your quit.
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Old 04-24-2012, 06:28 PM
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When my bf was with his ex, they did pot all the time, never when the kids were awake, but when they went to bed upstairs, they would go in the basement and smoke it together... horrible parenting if you ask me, but I hate drugs and do not condone that behavior.

After they split, he continued until we got together...I strongly urged him to stop as they were in a midst of a custody battle and that would not look good on him... his ex even asked him one time if he could bring her some pot when he picked up the kids. Was this a way to bait him? Get him in trouble? Who knows...obviously he refused...

She tried to pin him as a drug addict, but quickly reversed her statement when he sent his lawyer a copy of the text message she sent him requesting pot.

Its stupid in my opinion to do it in the first place, but if you are going to, at least hold off until your custody is decided, as now you may be stuck between a rock and a hard place.
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Old 04-24-2012, 06:45 PM
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I have had CAS workers tell me that smoking pot occasionally is not something they are concerned about. (As long as it doesn't happen while the child is in your care).

If I were you - I would concede that you occasionally smoke pot (like on new years eve kind of thing), and refuse to take a drug test.

Should it be an further issue - refute the claim by stating that (assuming this is correct) there is no documented basis for the test, no criminal record, etc.

She is looking for evidence to use against you. A positive test would be something to use.
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Old 04-24-2012, 10:17 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Access Dad View Post
It also depends what kind of test they're asking you to do. If it's a hair test, then that will show how heavy or light of a user you are, and drugs can stay in your hair follicles for up to 8 months. If they want a simple urine test, you might be in good shape. Drugs can be detected in the urine for only up to 72 hours. So stop right now and get back to the coordinator in about 2-3 days and agree to the test. It'll probably take another two days (if not longer) for you to actually do the test and by that time (as long as you have completely abstained from using even the smallest amount) your urinalisys should come out negative.
This is absolutely not true. It varies with the drug and how heavy a user you are, but THC will still be testable in your urine for much longer than three days.

And honestly, find some other form of recreation. What kind of example are you trying to set?
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