Opinions on Mediation vs Court

[DDM]

I was hoping my ex and I could work out our differences concerning access. She will only allow access if my mother does the transport and supervises the visitation. This came about after an altercation in March. There is no court order just her 'order'. My mother is no longer able to do the 4hr transport. I have asked to be allowed to do the transport but she is refusing. She is however willing to go to mediation. So my question - should I try to mediate with her or should I go through the court?

Financially mediation would be my best choice but I have no confidence that my ex will agree to any compromise and it will an exercise in futility. I will not only be seeking unsupervised access but increased access - I am only getting 1 day a week, no overnights. On the other hand I have every confidence that the court will uphold my right to access as her allegations are simply her opinions. Do you think I am being naive in this regard?

I also know that going through the courts is a lengthy process and it would mean not seeing my son for a long time. That is a real problem for me.

I do not trust my ex at all. I know she wants me out of the picture. The altercation in March was over her telling me as much and offering to for go any child support if I agreed not to see my son.

Any opinions on which way to proceed or other suggestions?

[CycleDad]

I would try a few sessions of mediation within as short a time frame as possible and if it is not successful then proceed to court right away.
Also mediation only works if both parties are willing to compromise.

Basically try mediation first but don't waste too much time on it. Then go straight to court if mediation does not work.

The longer it takes to go to court the more establish status quo is. e careful regarding status quo. When in doubt the court will rule with what is already the access schedule.

[HammerDad]

I would entertain mediation, but file in court at the same time.

Court takes time. You are almost never in court until 3-4 months after filing. You can use that time to try mediation, but if it fails, you don't want any further lag. But be sure to give mediation a true effort, as it can save time and money over going to court.

Plus, if you appear to be acting reasonable and trying to work with the ex outside of court, the courts tend to smile on that. The court generally feels that it should never be your first choice/stop.

[DDM]

Thanks for the reply. As I've been thinking about it I have to agree with you. Going to mediation, if nothing else may demonstrate to the court that I am seeking to resolve this issue with my ex. I really have no expectation that it will work. I am going to request open mediation so if my ex demonstrates lack of compromise it will be on record. Will she agree - doubtful.

I understand the status quo and am anxious to proceed ASAP.

[DDM]

Thanks Hammer Dad. I will file at the same time. That is good advice. As you can tell I am new to all this and totally out of my comfort zone. I have learned with my ex - one false move can screw you big time.

[HammerDad]

Not only is it an effective way to save time and looks good to the court, but it is also a motivator. If your ex knows you've filed with the courts at the same time and their options are a) to mediate in good faith or b) end up in court, you are more likely to get them to faciliate you in mediation.

[BeenThereTwice]

Mediation will only work if BOTH parties are both WILLING and ABLE to negotiate in good faith towards an equal win-win solution. If either party is absolutely determined to WIN 100% at all costs, or if either party simply has no idea HOW to negotiate, then mediation is likely both difficult and expensive.

Mediation 101 lesson.

[littleman]

Mediation 102 lesson.

You may get stuck with the bill. Someone has to pay for it and its not cheap and can be dragged on forever. Food for thought.