one night stand = welfare paternity suit

[Concerned_Sister]

Ok... I need help please

My brother had a one night stand with.... well for lack of a better term, a bar fly, about 2-3 yrs ago (and wore a condom that did not break I might add). although he didn't have any prior relationship in any way shape or form with the girl(whom I’ll call Jane) he knew at the time or shortly there after that Jane slept with at least 2 other men (plus himself) in a weeks time.

She is on social assistance and has given them his name as the father and they are actively pursuing him for child support. They have actually served papers to my brother's girlfriends mother (confusing huh? no clue how they even found her) to appear at court and to submit HER financial statements.

My dilemma is this. My brother is going to attend court in his girlfriends’ mothers place in just 5 days! I have searched the net and a few months ago and remember finding an article where the court required some form of reasonable proof of the possibility of his being the father i.e. they were dating, living together, married what ever to order a paternity test. However I cannot find anything like this now.

I will be honest, my brother a) is broke and cannot afford a lawyer so his sister (moi) will have to do her best to get him one (which will take longer than 5 days) and b) absolutely refuses to have a needle in him for any reason (a long standing fear, so much so that he had stitches after a hockey injury with no freezing).

I really hope someone can give me some advice where to start with this. And what the hell to tell the judge on Monday morning because I am not about to let him open his mouth without a lawyer there for him.

Thanks in advance.

[Jeff]

Hi Concerned Sister and welcome to the forums!

If your brother is not the father, or at least has doubts about this, he should ask the court to order paternity testing. Given the circumstances, I think most judges would grant this order.

I think most labs now use cheek swabs for paternity testing, so fear of needles should be no problem.

The law in Canada is pretty clear: regardless of the the circumstances, if your brother is the biological father, he'll need to pay child support. This may seem unfair given the mother's actions, but the court wants to protect the child from financial hardship.

Most courts require papers to be filed in advance - you don't normally just walk in and talk to the judge. I'd at least see if you can get duty counsel or legal aid to help with this.

[lammie]

Yeah seems like if he really believes he is not the father, then he would be more than happy to take a test to prove it. That would resolve things easily. That this didn't happen already makes me wonder if he has some private concerns that the child might be his.

At this point he has nothing to lose. They are all gunning for him, worst that can happen is they stay on course.

[Grace]

"They have actually served papers to my brother's girlfriends mother (confusing huh? no clue how they even found her) to appear at court and to submit HER financial statements"

This does not make sense. How is the "fathers" girlfriends mother responsible. She should not be made to submit a financial statement. It has nothing to do with her.

[logicalvelocity]

I would request a DNA test to verify paternity. These cost about $600 to $800. The cost of the test could be split between the parties and there is no needles involved.

I am not sure why she is serving other people rather than your brother. They have no involvement in the matter not even as legal strangers.

[KN27]

If he has any doubts at all about being the father he needs to ask for a paternity test. I also think it is rather odd she is serving other people when they have no involvement in the matter.

[god knows the truth]

You make it sound like your brother is a victim in this whole situation. It sounds like he was a willing participant when he and this woman had their one-night stand. If it were my brother I'd be pushing him to find out if I have a little neice or nephew, likewise one would think HE'D want to know if this child is his. Can we focus on an innocent child for a minute & make the monetary issues second for now.

[Lisa]

The same situation happened to my brother in law years ago. He went through all the motions and had the DNA done to make sure the child was his, he was also good enough not to make her pay his expenses back (which the Judge had told him he was entitled too). He felt that he could not take food out of the child's mouth. My inlaws did the same thing, called the girl down and every name in the book, but my husband and I told him that he was just as much at fault, he did sleep with her, he did have sex with her, and who's to say when he actually put that condom on. You can get pregnant from pre-ejaculation fluid. It happens all the time, most guys think they do not have to put on a condom from the very start, like from soft mode, they do, otherwise pregnancy can happen. Also when drinking is involved, no one is thinking clearly. If I were you, I would look at it from a different point of view, it is not YOUR responsibility to look after this, it is HIS. A good rule of thumb is "don't play the game if you can't afford to pay the price". Be there for him, but make him do the leg work, it is after all his problem to worry about.

[god knows the truth]

Lisa you were BANG ON when you said"if you can't pay the price don't play the game". That's what my point is. There are no innocent victims here except the child.
I'm not quite sure how "Sister" knows that her brother wore a condom AND that it didn't break. The brother seems irresponsible, in my opinion, and has everyone else doing his 'dirty' work, to the point of condemning a women he had a one night affair with. By the way she is doing the responsible thing for her child--whether welfare is forcing her or not . Ridiculous.
Hats off to your brother in law for being a man about costs etc. I'm assuming the child wasn't his; too bad b/c he sounds like a responsible person and would probably would have been a good dad.
Great letter Lisa--hope your christmas was relaxing and serene

[sasha1]

Hi Concerned Sister! Just thought I'd add my 2 cents here... I've got a brother myself whose made some stupid choices, and I know how strong the instinct to protect them can be.

I too, think that if there is doubt, a paternity test is in order; in fact, that should have been done long before the gossip about the mother started. If what you've said is true (about her being a bar fly and having been with three guys in a week), clearly she was not a person of high moral character at that time, but neither was your brother. If the test shows him to be the father, your brother (and all of your family) need to leave the negative behind and start focussing on making up for lost time with this little child. And your brother had better change his status from "broke" to "working his butt off to make a good life for his child".

I know protective feelings for a brother can be very strong, but the best way you can support him is to help him move in the right direction... that of a responsible adult; whether he's the father or not. Good luck, and I hope we hear back from you as to what happened.