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  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Parenting Issues

Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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Old 01-04-2009, 03:38 PM
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Default My First Post and Looking for your insight

Hey guys I found this board in my search for help and I regret I didn't find it before.

This is the scoop; We have 2 kids and last year we decided to put them in Karate as an after school activity and few months after I found out that my Ex (34 yrs Old) was sleeping with the instructors (18 to 20 yrs Old). As soon as I found that out I pulled them out because I did not want to have them in contaminated environment and I made the point that my kids (5&8) were not being forbidden from taking karate, they could take lessons in any other school. All this because I wanted to keep my kids away from the consequences of her poor judgment and her lifestyle.At that time my decision was supported by my Ex-In laws.

After that she decided to become a student and she kept sleeping around with different instructors and now she is back trying to get the kids back in Karate lessons in the same school.


What Can I do ? I would appreciate your opinions and input.

Thanks in Advance

Last edited by sprdad; 01-04-2009 at 03:46 PM. Reason: adding
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Old 01-04-2009, 05:43 PM
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I dont think there is anything you can do, If she has custody she gets to make the rules, its not fair, but its the truth, sounds to me like she dont care what she is exposing the children to, and if you have expained it to her and she has not listened nothing is going to change her mind and it is probably in spite of you. I dont think there is anything leaglely you can do. sorry good luck
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Old 01-04-2009, 05:55 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stepmom+mom View Post
I dont think there is anything you can do, If she has custody she gets to make the rules, its not fair, but its the truth, sounds to me like she dont care what she is exposing the children to, and if you have expained it to her and she has not listened nothing is going to change her mind and it is probably in spite of you. I dont think there is anything leaglely you can do. sorry good luck

thanks for your input, and we share Joint Custody.
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Old 01-04-2009, 06:56 PM
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What is your custody arrangement?

FN
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Old 01-04-2009, 07:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sprdad View Post
Hey guys I found this board in my search for help and I regret I didn't find it before.

This is the scoop; We have 2 kids and last year we decided to put them in Karate as an after school activity and few months after I found out that my Ex (34 yrs Old) was sleeping with the instructors (18 to 20 yrs Old). As soon as I found that out I pulled them out because I did not want to have them in contaminated environment and I made the point that my kids (5&8) were not being forbidden from taking karate, they could take lessons in any other school. All this because I wanted to keep my kids away from the consequences of her poor judgment and her lifestyle.At that time my decision was supported by my Ex-In laws.

After that she decided to become a student and she kept sleeping around with different instructors and now she is back trying to get the kids back in Karate lessons in the same school.


What Can I do ? I would appreciate your opinions and input.

Thanks in Advance
You can't stop your Ex from having sex with who ever she wants. She is a woman not a child . The only way it may harm your children is if she brings it home. Is she bringing men home and having sex right in front of the kids? If not you can do nothing.She can have sex as often and with who ever she wants.
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Old 01-04-2009, 07:03 PM
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What is your custody arrangement?

FN

The original Agreement states that I see them every other weekend and once a week.

At this point they stay over night twice in weekdays and up to 3 weekends a month (Fri to Sun).

During the week days I pick them up after school an take them to my house for dinner, home work, shower & lunches. Weekends I pic them up Friday after school and drop them off sun 6 pm.
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Old 01-04-2009, 07:29 PM
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Shelda is right. Is your ex being discrete (re the children) with her affairs. How do you know about these affairs? Is it through the children? If so I would go for sole custody.
You have to have a leg to stand on before you move ahead with this. It can't just be based on conjecture or heresay.

FN
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Old 01-05-2009, 09:24 AM
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If the ex is being discrete, and is not subjecting the children to even seeing men come and go from the house, IE staying over and being there when the children are there, then you pretty much have to turn a blind eye to her antics.

If however, she is bringing these people home, and the kids are in her care, or if they are staying over night and the children wake up to different partners then this is a completely different story. If she is exposing the children to her life style choices you would have to have solid proof of her actions to seek any legal change to your agreement IE custody or access.

I really hope she is not subjecting these young children to her choices.
If the children have no idea what mom is doing, and they have not seen these men in their home or staying over night, I would venture to say they have no clue what is going on and the fact that they are enrolled in the same school should not make much difference to “them”. Of course to you it would as you know what is going on.
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Old 01-09-2009, 05:13 PM
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Even *if* the mother is being indiscreet about her 'extra-curricular activities', there would be no way to effectively police her, and no sure way of proving it. If, at some point, you become more sure of what she is doing in this regard, and you become aware that it is having adverse effects on your kids in the home, then the only thing I could suggest would be to get Child Services involved. But even then...

Sorry it seems like you are stuck. You're best defense would be to try and explain a situation like this to your kids, honestly and non-biased if it ever comes up with them.
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Old 01-09-2009, 07:42 PM
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I totally understand the fact that my ex has to move on with her life, but disagree with the way my ex wife is doing her "dating", there is place and time for everything.

Kids are very perceptive and despite we think they don't notice, they know more than we think.

This is a very "tight" situation because is a sort of debate between morals and legalities but at the end comes down to pure parenting, when my kids ask me why "john" stayed over night after "peter" used to be with mommy; is when I wonder how her lifestyle could affect my kids.

As father I worry because she has shown poor choices at different levels and, I worry if one day they the wrong guy sleeps under the same roof.

I know there is no enough reason to call the police, take her to court, etc etc. I think Pemachine nailed it, the only defense against this is to keep an open/honest and non-biased explanation with the kids but I'm afraid that will open opportunities to my ex to blame me of parent alienation.
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