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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 07-16-2014, 10:49 PM
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I think the father should explain his concerns directly to his doctor who will likely encourage the mother to attend with the father and would ensure everyone's questions are addressed, particularly if doctor knows ahead of time that this is a dysfunctional family. I work for a specialist and in these instances it is extremely important that everyone is "on the same page" and getting the same information. A good doctor will focus the discussion on the child's health issues. Most problems arise when lines of communication are not working between the parents, as it seems to be in this instance.
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Old 07-16-2014, 10:53 PM
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if she acts that way with her doctor because of the family history I am thinking that the fathers doctor wouldn't allow her to act like that. I would let her come but warn the doctor before hand that she may be difficult.
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Old 07-16-2014, 11:01 PM
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Poor kid. Who are the adults here? Surely if one parent has the concern the other parent also being an adult should work to see if the concern is valid. Omg. They both need to grow up. Get every test they can and help the poor child. Really, someone needs to think about the,child, not,their rights.
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Old 07-16-2014, 11:46 PM
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Perhaps another way to approach this would be for the father to speak to his doctor about this and request the laboratory results for the child (I don't know what province you are in or if the lab results are readily available to the father's doctor but it wouldn't hurt to inquire).

Sometimes when people pass information on, particularly medical information, the message gets skewed during transportation. The mother could have simply misunderstood her doctor's interpretation of the laboratory results. There is a difference, for example, between hyperthyroidism and hypothyroidism. Just sayin....
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Old 07-17-2014, 08:57 AM
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That's not a bad idea. I will suggest they the father make an appointment beforehand and explain the situation and voice his concerns prior to the child's appointment. Thanks. :-)
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  #26 (permalink)  
Old 07-17-2014, 10:49 AM
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Good suggestions from folks here on how to manage the overall issue. I think that in general, though, the father needs to stop feeling like he is some kind of second-class parent. The mother can live in the 1980s if she wants to, and pretend that possessing a vagina gives her more rights and authority, but he doesn't have to believe any of that crap.

If he is truly concerned about his son, no one should judge him for taking reasonable steps to figure out what the problem is. Let the mother take him to court over it, I'm sure the judge will laugh her out of the courtroom when she tries to explain, to the judge, what her version of 'joint custody' means.
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Old 07-17-2014, 10:57 AM
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Parents have to agree on one Dr.
Father should not unilaterally take kid to a different dr.
Father should talk to kid's Dr to ask his questions. No need to take the kid again. Dr may likely refuse to take double appointments unless for an exceptional medical reason.

That's my take on it.
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Old 07-17-2014, 11:14 AM
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Dinkyface, I agree, parents should agree on one doctor, but that is assuming that both parents are reasonable people and accept each other as equal decision makers.

The mother in this situation is the one that has been making all of the unilateral calls, and has intimated to the father that his attendance at the appointments is a mere formality, and that his opinion doesn't matter.

The history of this situation, as I read it, is that the mother and father were never together, and the mother has consistently tried to call all of the shots from the beginning. I'm struggling to see how the father's opposition to that makes him the one being unilateral.

He's not trying to make some kind of power play, or engage in silly games, he's trying to look out for his kid's health. We can suggest that the father "work with the mother" until we're blue in the face, but the mother clearly doesn't value the father's opinion, value his existence as a parent from the way she is acting, and the doctor happens to be 'her' doctor, and we all know just how much doctors love to admit when they might be wrong, so what is his atual recourse?
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Old 07-17-2014, 11:26 AM
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Of course he is making a "power play" as you say. The child has his own physician, and has had for 12 years. You deal with that physician. He doesn't need to "work with the mother".

Dinkyface is quite correct.

And frankly, the kid is 12. Where has this dad been and why has he not attended or voiced his concerns previously to the physician. Does dad engage in 50/50 access? The physician is a professional, and is not taking sides.

If dad's only concern is a wellness check and losing weight, reevaluate the activities engaged in on his time and diet choices -consider losing the video games and engage the child in physical activities when they are together. Speak to the child's physician.

Very soon, this 12 yr old is going to choose which parent he wishes to spend his time with in his teen years. Dad dragging him to another doctor is not going to play well, with the child, or with a court. Perfect moment for the mother to record, and evidence to a judge their inability to co-parent.

eta: and Straight, I think we understand each other. We just don't agree.
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Old 07-17-2014, 12:10 PM
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Mcdreamy, please go back and read posts. you will understand why concerns now and that itis not simple weight loss issue. And why are you asking where the father was for 12 years?!!!!
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