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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 07-16-2014, 06:18 PM
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Definitely agree with you on the need for an agreement on any treatment. In all honesty, the father wants to take his son for a simple check-up where he can voice his own concerns without any scornful looks or disputes from the mother. That's it. He is is not trying to hide anything, just wants his concerns heard (in a comfortable setting with his doctor) without the morher's influence. He has told her he will provide her with a thorough update following the appointment and have any notes made by the doctor sent to the child's primary physician. But the mother is claiming that if she isn't in attendance at the appointment, the child cannot be seen by the doctor. Which leaves me asking, where does the father stand in this?
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Old 07-16-2014, 06:48 PM
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the father can attend the appointments the mother makes, just like she can attend the ones he makes. Its only fair.

On a separate note...does the provincial heath plan cover two check-ups?
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Old 07-16-2014, 06:59 PM
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Don't know about the provincial plan - the father is prepared to cover any and all costs. Just to have his concerns heard without the mother's influence/input. Plus, the father feels more comfortable with his own doctor than with the doctor the mother has chosen as the child's physician. I understand that both parents can (and should) attend necessary medical appointments... but this appointment isn't "necessary" - it's a second opinion and primarily for the father to voice his concerns about his child to his own doctor whom he trusts. Yet for whatever reason, the mother is trying to insert herself into the appointment despite the father's assurance that he will provide all information afterwards. If he cannot take the child himself, should he just cancel the appointment? If the mother attends, it's just going to be a waste of time (been there, done that) as she will talk over the doctor believing she knows best and will disregard the father's concerns (if he's even comfortable or has the opportunity to voice them) as has happened in the past. (Hence the father wanting to schedule his own appointment with his son.)
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Old 07-16-2014, 07:29 PM
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the child has a doctor already. The father should ask to talk to the doctor without the mother and voice his concerns about the child. Trying to make his own appointment with his own doctor to try and shut the mother out isn't a good idea, it will just inflame the situation.

When the child has an appointment with their normal doctor then father should ask to doctor for a few minutes alone after the appointment if there are questions.

what is the father worried about?
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Old 07-16-2014, 08:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
the child has a doctor already. The father should ask to talk to the doctor without the mother and voice his concerns about the child. Trying to make his own appointment with his own doctor to try and shut the mother out isn't a good idea, it will just inflame the situation.

When the child has an appointment with their normal doctor then father should ask to doctor for a few minutes alone after the appointment if there are questions.

what is the father worried about?
Standing, the child's current doctor is also the mother's physician... the one she's had since she was a child herself (and the one that treats her entire family). So the doctor's loyalty lies with the mother. (Especially since the doctor knows "the history" - the mother and father of the child never being in a relationship and barely knowing one another when the child was born.) Be it right or not, the doctor has some ill-feelings toward the father. The father has tried attending appointments but it was very clear to him that neither the doctor nor the mother were interested in his concerns. The mother thinks she knows best and her doctor backs her up. The mother also schedules the appointments at times when she knows the father will not be able to attend without taking a day off work. It is a 2.5-hour drive from the father's work to the doctor's office... one way.

The father's concerns are valid. His son has shown some sudden weight gain and shortness of breath. Upon the father's insistence, the mother had the child's blood work done (first time ever and the child is 12 years old) and it turns out that the child has an overactive thyroid. Despite the father's insistence that further tests be done, the mother and the doctor claim that it's not a big enough concern to subject the child to further blood work or scans. Meanwhile, the father is seeing his son become increasingly overweight and having more and more difficulty keeping up with his peers. So what's a father to do? Leave it all in the mother's hands? Or try to take the child to another doctor to get a second opinion?
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Old 07-16-2014, 09:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Maggie82 View Post
Standing, the child's current doctor is also the mother's physician... the one she's had since she was a child herself (and the one that treats her entire family). So the doctor's loyalty lies with the mother. (Especially since the doctor knows "the history" - the mother and father of the child never being in a relationship and barely knowing one another when the child was born.) Be it right or not, the doctor has some ill-feelings toward the father. The father has tried attending appointments but it was very clear to him that neither the doctor nor the mother were interested in his concerns. The mother thinks she knows best and her doctor backs her up. The mother also schedules the appointments at times when she knows the father will not be able to attend without taking a day off work. It is a 2.5-hour drive from the father's work to the doctor's office... one way.

The father's concerns are valid. His son has shown some sudden weight gain and shortness of breath. Upon the father's insistence, the mother had the child's blood work done (first time ever and the child is 12 years old) and it turns out that the child has an overactive thyroid. Despite the father's insistence that further tests be done, the mother and the doctor claim that it's not a big enough concern to subject the child to further blood work or scans. Meanwhile, the father is seeing his son become increasingly overweight and having more and more difficulty keeping up with his peers. So what's a father to do? Leave it all in the mother's hands? Or try to take the child to another doctor to get a second opinion?
hmm I thought an overactive thyroid caused weight loss, not weight gain.
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Old 07-16-2014, 09:51 PM
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Originally Posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
hmm I thought an overactive thyroid caused weight loss, not weight gain.
Hence the father's attempt to get a second opinion from his doctor.
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Old 07-16-2014, 09:58 PM
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Originally Posted by Maggie82 View Post
Hence the father's attempt to get a second opinion from his doctor.
with further reading it seems that 10% experience weight gain.

The father can get the second opinion but what happens after that? The mother has her doctor saying that nothing needs to be done so she will follow him. If the fathers doctor wants to do more tests etc the mother will probably say no. If the two doctors disagree then what???
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Old 07-16-2014, 10:30 PM
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I would think that basic standard of care should be followed by the doctors and one writes the other a letter outlining concerns. (In Alberta the laboratory testing is accessible online by both doctors so if testing is inconclusive it becomes a no-brainer to get further tests done).

The two doctors (both presumably part of the health management team) should work collaboratively to ensure proper diagnosis and treatment.

When you get into thyroid testing it is common for patient to be referred to specialist.
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Old 07-16-2014, 10:31 PM
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Standing, I really don't know what would happen then. One baby step at a time. The father isn't sure if he will even make an appointment for a second opinion. It's so problematic and emotionally exhausting with the mother claiming he can't without her consent and presence and saying that she is the only one in charge of the child's medical well-being. Just wanted to know first whether such a claim could even be considered true without there being anything about it in the court order and with the parents having joint custody. At this point, I'm of the belief that the father feels pretty defeated. Damned if he does, damn if he doesn't. And in the end, it's the child that suffers. And that's unfortunate.

Arabian, you are correct. The father has even communicated to the mother that he will ensure his doctor will send all notes/results to the child's primary physician and provide a full update of the visit (just as he has done when he has taken the child to a walk-in clinic in the past). But for whatever reason, unless he allows for the mother to be at the appointment, she has told him he cannot take the child to see his doctor. And he knows that if the mother is present at the appointment, his concerns will go unheard or diminished because she will make it "her" appointment, as has happened every time in the past they attended the child's appointments together.

If the father decides to take the child to his doctor without notifying the mother, but providing her with an update afterwards, are there any legal repercussions?
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