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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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Old 04-02-2017, 12:36 AM
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Default long drawn out clingy goodbyes

.. having to deal with this issue as part of the other parents continued compaign. other parent is literally hugging kuddling kissing the child for literally 15-20 minutes every pickup. what makes it more ridiculous is that the exchange takes place at daycare (where I am supposed to pickup the child from off - no court order - just instruction and dictation of the custodial queen) and other parent just shows up to do this thing.

what's the best way to deal with this? I think the other parent is doing this to annoy me and get on my nerves. to me it just makes me laugh within how ridiculous she looks when she does this.. like go get a life.. you're not hot you're not good looking nobody wants to see you for 15 20 minutes every time i pickup our child.. of course I would never say that to any one or the other parent, but it is what it is. I mean like really? come on.. just tell the child to have an awesome time and let her go.. get a hobby or something. buy a dog..

What I am doing is just going up the child saying hello and doing something silly to make her laugh, etc. or saying something like hello you two beautiful ladies.. etc..

the other parent is taking the position that the child doesn't enjoy wanting to spend time with me and is working with babysitter to make this distorted reality appear as a reality.. the child is delighted to see me and especially so at the school.. the child greats me differently at the school then she does when the mother is present at babysitters. child becomes super happy when sees me at school runs up to give me a hug, etc. at babysitters.. would never happen. even when child sees me at school with other parent present.. same babysitter scenario.. seems to be a strong influence by the other parent as to how the child greets me.

Other parent is also instructing our child to run out of the car and into their home at drop offs without proper goodbyes.

anywho. anyone dealt with this? basically in short, i feel as though the other parent is being overly clingy wanting the child to be really attached to them during exchanges and not greet me or say goodbye properly etc. it's so obvious.

child will act and behave as the other parent instructs due to fear of things unknown to me. it's so obvious to know when the other parent is doing and I feel like our child has become a wind up toy:



any thoughts, comments feedback, words of wisdom, I look forward to it all.

guess I should mention that babysitter is friends with mom, and has made unfounded allegations against me to the CAS throughout the custody/access proceedings, and the mother is regularly disparaging me to the child.

Last edited by trinton; 04-02-2017 at 12:52 AM.
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Old 04-02-2017, 06:28 PM
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I dealt with this for a couple of years, picking up at the child's other home. Mother all clingy, kissy, cuddly, occasionally up to 20 min. No encouragement to go with me. It was clearly intended to make the child's access to me difficult for the child and for me. Probably in hopes that I would stop showing up because it was so horrible. (So she could say "Dad is not exercising his court ordered access.") Since the child's access to me was court ordered, I started a Motion to Change asking that exchanges happen at school, with one parent dropping the child off in the morning and the other parent picking up after school. Parent who drops off in the morning is not to attend at the school in the afternoon. Therefore no instances of both parents being in the same place at the same time. A shame for the child but less so than mom making the situation difficult.

My motion to change materials described what was going on in an Affidavit.

After a couple of conferences the other parent was being encouraged by the judge to agree with this and did so. Minutes of Settlement, then a consent Order.

Word to the wise: make sure the order is very precisely worded so you can succeed in a motion for contempt if the other parent shows up when they should not.
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Old 04-04-2017, 06:31 PM
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Definitely weird and probably very annoying but presumably if you ignore it and not react, eventually she'll cut it out.

How long has it been going on?
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Old 04-04-2017, 07:24 PM
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Originally Posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
Definitely weird and probably very annoying but presumably if you ignore it and not react, eventually she'll cut it out.

How long has it been going on?
started out a year and half ago slowly.. got worst and worst in last 5 to 6 months it's moved into the "wierd" spectrum in the last few months.
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Old 04-19-2017, 03:50 PM
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Why is the other parent even at daycare when it is your turn to pick child up? How does your access work? I don't have access issues but my friends that do have solved the issue by one parent drops off and other picks up and vice versa so the parental interaction is kept to a minimum. This is not unheard of. Could you simply send her a letter requesting this and if she doesn't agree to this then request it with your lawyer? I think the key is to imply that it is stressful for the child which it most likely is.
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Old 04-19-2017, 04:19 PM
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Originally Posted by backinthesaddle View Post
Why is the other parent even at daycare when it is your turn to pick child up? How does your access work? I don't have access issues but my friends that do have solved the issue by one parent drops off and other picks up and vice versa so the parental interaction is kept to a minimum. This is not unheard of. Could you simply send her a letter requesting this and if she doesn't agree to this then request it with your lawyer? I think the key is to imply that it is stressful for the child which it most likely is.
She's unilaterally put the child in daycare, and makes it appear as though the child is in daycare everyday after school. On the days the child really isn't there, mom just shows up there to make it seem like child was there. I'm trying to change access changes so that they take place at the school.

What exactly are you suggesting I ask her ?
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Old 04-19-2017, 08:12 PM
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You have me confused. What is your parenting schedule? Mom shows up at daycare when child didn't even go? Do you require daycare? What I am suggesting (depends on your access or parenting schedule too) is child leaves home in the morning from one parent and the other parent picks up. Your ex shows up when it is your turn to take child just to make a scene? You both show up and she is there awkwardly?
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Old 04-19-2017, 11:10 PM
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Originally Posted by backinthesaddle View Post
You have me confused. What is your parenting schedule? Mom shows up at daycare when child didn't even go? Do you require daycare? What I am suggesting (depends on your access or parenting schedule too) is child leaves home in the morning from one parent and the other parent picks up. Your ex shows up when it is your turn to take child just to make a scene? You both show up and she is there awkwardly?
i have every other weekend fri - sun and every wednesday. pickups is in evenings (not from school). used to be pickup from moms then it got changed to pickups from daycare by mom (thanks for reminding me of this!) yes. we don't need daycare. yes sometimes child is at daycare but usually mom brings child to daycare at my pickup time. even when child is at daycare mom still shows up at daycare to say goodbye to kid - this was recently witnessed by CAS - wonder if I should ask CAS case worker to ensure this gets documented.

Last edited by trinton; 04-19-2017 at 11:14 PM.
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Old 04-24-2017, 06:03 AM
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Is the pick up time and location court ordered or just something you agreed to? If not, I would advise her in writing that it is detrimental and not in anyone's interest to have her around at pick up time and feel it is intimidation on her part. I would go pick child up early and not tell her just to avoid it one day and see what happens. Again, that depends if times are ordered by the court or if it's flexible. I am not sure CAS will document that but if CAS is involved with your family they may have documented it anyway. Just advise you would like pick up at school or a third party hands child over just to avoid the dramatics. If she won't agree which is likely I would speak to your lawyer.
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