the kid needs a jbb - access time conflict?

[mcdreamy]

Our 16D kid has applied for a job at Tim Hortons. I'm expecting she'll be working weekends, which, of course is going to interfere with the NCP's access.

Has anyone else had a teenager work a job on weekends and, if so, how did you rearrange access times?

[blinkandimgone]

I wouldn't consider it interfering with his access. It would be the same as if she were at his place during school days, in my opinion, school wouldn't be seen as interfering with his access.

At the same time, she's 16 so perhaps this is a conversation she can be having with Dad herself.

[HammerDad]

Unless there is an unreasonable distance between the NCP's house and their job, I fail to see an issue. The kid can go to work from the NCP's house just the same as the CP's house. It would probably be really good for their relationship if NCP helped get the child back and forth.

If there is a big distance, well, the NCP will have to understand that the job is an important part of D16's life and at 16, she can choose whether or not she attends. However, if I was a CP, I would do my best to balance out the parent time. It is in the child's best interests to facilitate their relationship with the NCP instead of strictly playing by the access terms, thus eliminating all chances of the NCP and child to spend time together.

[dinkyface]

The 16yo could also choose to spend her weekends hanging out with friends, no reason she needs to hang around at parent's house all day. So I don't see any issue either. Dad needs to start letting go ...

Hopeully they appreciate each other's company enough to spend time together though.

[mcdreamy]

It appears I need more caffeine before I post -- I just saw my typo in the title.

thanks for the advice, I'm agreeing with all of you. I'm going to encourage her to continue to put her resumes out there.

The Tim Hortons that she applied to is an equal distance between our two houses. He's just going to have to make it work in his house if she gets a job. Just as I will have to make it work in my house and re-arrange my weekends for drop off and pick ups from a job a half-hour away.

Finding extra access time for him will be difficult, given her current school homework/tutoring schedule, but if he asks and they can figure it out, he is more than welcome to it. I'm going to stay out of it, and leave it to the two of them to discuss and resolve.

[Me_too]

I totally agree with the OP and the replies. But that raises a question.... There is another thread where the posters seem to say that the CP should not dictate the NDP's schedule. The replies in that thread are very different than the thread here.

Why is this different when we talk about kids sports? What if it is in the child's best interest? And what the child really wants? Doesn't the NCP have a share in the responsibility of making these efforts to keep a close relationship with their children?

[NBDad]

In this instance the child is 16, legally she can choose where she wishes to live and is not bound by any existing order.

No judge is going to order a 16 year old to do anything they don't want to. She is at an age where her wishes regarding access are essentially a rubber stamp.

As for the NCP "making it work"...why? The kid is 16...time to learn a little responsibility and work it out her own self. If that means getting Dear old Dad to play taxi....I'd hope he'd be willing, but if not, it's a lesson in being self reliant.

[HammerDad]

There is a world of difference between kids sports and a job.

Primarily is, when the child is old enough to have a job, they are also old enough that the courts would allow them to determine whether or not they choose to exercise their parenting time.

Secondly is notion of benefit. There are more primary and secondary benefits from having a job. Being able to contribute to their own post secondary education, learn usable skills and responsibilities is key.

There is a difference between a 8y/o in swimming vs at 15 y/o working at Timmies.

[blinkandimgone]

Originally Posted by mcdreamy

It
Finding extra access time for him will be difficult, given her current school homework/tutoring schedule, but if he asks and they can figure it out, he is more than welcome to it. I'm going to stay out of it, and leave it to the two of them to discuss and resolve.

If you're referring to makeup time for the time he's missing while she's at work on his weekends, will he be offering you makeup time for the time you're missing if she is working during your access time?

Kids grow up, they get jobs and lives and go off to college - regardless of whose access time it is, they have a right to it. If she's old enough to get a job she's old enough to have the conversation with Dad about it herself.

[mcdreamy]

Originally Posted by NBDad

As for the NCP "making it work"...why? The kid is 16...time to learn a little responsibility and work it out her own self. If that means getting Dear old Dad to play taxi....I'd hope he'd be willing, but if not, it's a lesson in being self reliant.

Exactly. We live in the country, the Timmie's is in a small local town between the two of us. If he doesn't make it work for them in his house, she simply won't go to his house. Princess just received her first paycheque, and spent the last PD spending it. Now that she has discovered the power of job and pleasure of her own money, I doubt she'll turn away from the dark side now.

If you're referring to makeup time for the time he's missing while she's at work on his weekends, will he be offering you makeup time for the time you're missing if she is working during your access time?

Blink, I get that. I just feel guilty. She's a teenage girl, she goes to his house according to our schedule, I've watched her shutting down the communication lines with him for the last 2 years. She doesn't talk to him, it drives me crazy. I know all teenagers shut down for a period of time, and I'm counting on her getting past the angst by the time she is 20 and starting to just hang and share with her dad again. But I want to keep at least the travel between our houses going, because I think that can only help the future relationship they are going to have.