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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 11-22-2017, 01:31 PM
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I hate christmas too. My partners ex pulled this stunt the first year he was to have them. The ensuing disagreement painted him as an abusive bully and the kids stopped speaking to him. That led to us making our own plans the last few years. Sadly for your daughter her son is six making it harder.

Perhaps its time for her to just follow the agreement and put dad on ignore. Let him bluster about whatever. Hes a bully and paying attention to it feeds him. Your daughter has been more than reasonable with this jerk.
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Old 11-22-2017, 03:17 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beachnana View Post
I should also say that there has not been one visit arranged that Dad has not,attempted to change the agreement to suit his needs.

This summer even though it was not his year to have first choice on vacation days he still managed to send many nasty emails demanding accommodation to,his schedule and called CAS when he could not get his own way.

CAS exonated Mom and suggested Dad was a bully.
In the case of an ex who is a bully, you need an agreement that has less flexibility in language. Instead of it saying "Christmas is shared equally, with dad getting the first week in odd years and mom in even years" you need it to also say "regardless of when the Christmas holidays and child's birthday land, the first half of the holiday begins the first Saturday after school ends and the second week begins the second Sunday." That way, you can both predict years in advance what the days will be and can book any tickets accordingly and not have the same argument year after year.

She could suggest they agree to modify their agreement legally to be less vague and more predictable in future years to avoid these demands and discussions and modifications that confuse and upset the child. Maybe she could sweeten it with agreeing to his change this year while things are still vague, if he'll agree to change their order to reduce vagueness.
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Old 11-22-2017, 04:38 PM
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if order states that Chrstimas is to be shared equally then that would mean from 22nd after school until Dec 30th evening. Mom would have Dec 30th evening to drop to school

Dec 23rd to 30 makes no sense as the father wouldn't have a full weekend.

What is the issue with father picking up child from school anyway ?
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Old 11-22-2017, 05:04 PM
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when I was in school when the dismissal bell rang on the last day of school we considered that the start of our holidays.

Dad wanted it written into the agreement about the airport so it should be the airport. I would count the days in 24 hour periods. If the kid gets on the plane at 5pm then 5pm the next day counts as 24hrs or one day.

no sense in making it more complicated then it has to be.
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Old 11-22-2017, 10:28 PM
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Now that the child is upset about not spending Christmas with his Mom/Grandma, and to avoid a teary goodbye at the airport, might not be a bad idea for the Dad to pick up from School. Last day of school before Christmas would be a "fun" day, which should have the child in a good mood. Just my 2 cents, this is going to be my first official Christmas alone, so I really dont know whats ahead for myself. I'm learning from all of you, especially what to avoid, such as vague Court Orders.
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Old 11-23-2017, 10:50 AM
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Originally Posted by Beachnana View Post
So another vacation argument. How do you deal with this.
I think that you can really tell a lot about the character of a custodial parent when they are faced with a situation where the NCP might get one or two days more than the agreement states. That's when you find out if they love their kid more than they hate their ex.

That said, this one is easy. He wants 8 days. He gets 8x24=192 hours.

But seriously, let him have the extra day. Airport, school, who cares.

Also, anyone who has vague agreements is crazy. Agreements should have days and hours specifically listed. You should know where your kids are going to be on December 27th, in the year 2021, at 11 in the morning. If you don't, then the agreement is too vague.
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Old 11-23-2017, 02:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janus View Post
I think that you can really tell a lot about the character of a custodial parent when they are faced with a situation where the NCP might get one or two days more than the agreement states. That's when you find out if they love their kid more than they hate their ex.

That said, this one is easy. He wants 8 days. He gets 8x24=192 hours.

But seriously, let him have the extra day. Airport, school, who cares.

Also, anyone who has vague agreements is crazy. Agreements should have days and hours specifically listed. You should know where your kids are going to be on December 27th, in the year 2021, at 11 in the morning. If you don't, then the agreement is too vague.
Janus there is a lot of truth in what you say. Both parties are so intent in their hate for each other they are both unable to deal civil on any occasion.

We had wanted an order which spelt out each visit in details but Dad just wanted to get it over with because he did not want to spend any more money on the agreement.

So vague is what we have for some things. But to be honest even on the parts that are spelt out Dad still always wants to change things and when he is given a no response he goes on a rant about his rights, his needs and how “ he will bring the full force of the judicial system and CAS onto Mom”. He knows the CAS contact by name!

So not much hope there. In his eyes being reasonable shows weakness. - his words!
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Old 11-24-2017, 07:38 PM
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Same situation here. Kids off dec 22-Jan 7. Mother is saying my half starts Jan 1. In the past 10 yrs we have deviated and she brought them to me dec 25 so kids were with us both. 2 weeks ago offered me the 24-29 and now all of a sudden she is mad at me because of $$$ that I am not obligated to give her, and has told me we will go as per court order. Fine! Your only hurting the kids. She can explain why all of a sudden they will be missing Christmas with my family. I say the half way mark is dec 30. She isn't budging. Don't know what to do. I go back to work Jan 2 so it will be a very short visit.
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Old 11-24-2017, 08:31 PM
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What a crazy time for parents trying to figure these holidays out. Its technically our first Christmas apart as last year we were amiable enough to spend it together for the kids sake, but this year its a new beginning. After weeks of asking via email and no response, I am assuming he is NOT going to be splitting the holidays.

I feel alone here sometimes, being the Mean Mom, thats thinking take the kids, cause I could sure use a break right now, especially during the Holidays. 2 active boys 3 & 7 to entertain for 2 weeks, I wouldn't even split it if i had the choice. That's my vent for today, thanks for listening.
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Old 11-24-2017, 08:33 PM
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Knee-jerk reaction no doubt Tandem.

Make "spectacular" plans for the week you have them... no looking back. Hopefully you can make arrangements with your employer. If not, make the best of what you have.

Your ex will have to deal with cranky, upset children... as I recall the part after Christmas is a real let-down and children are generally grumpy and bored. You will be the one to rescue them from their boredom with fabulous plans for the New Year! Keep positive and don't give her the satisfaction of a reaction. She's dirt. That is all.
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