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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 11-22-2017, 12:30 AM
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Default Interpreting Christmas

Order states Christmas vacation shall be shared equally

Last day of school is Dec 22. First day back is Jan 8.
So Christmas holidays are 23Dec to January 7. 16 days so 8 days each.

Dad is now saying he should have Dec 22 noon ( when school gets out) to Dec 31. Mom is saying itís Dec 23 to Dec 30 as per past practice and the agreement has been interpreted I. The past. 8 days each.

Dad insisted on the order that child is to be brought to the airport so that what it states. Now he wants to pick up from school.

So another vacation argument. How do you deal with this.
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Old 11-22-2017, 12:47 AM
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Who's weekend would it be normally on Dec 22/23/24?
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Old 11-22-2017, 09:28 AM
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Not the situation. Dad lives 1000 k away and has access on a schedule. No weekends
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Old 11-22-2017, 09:43 AM
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Then you tell him you are following the order as written. You will bring the child to the airport on the day listed.
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Old 11-22-2017, 10:24 AM
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She did and he then called to speak with the child (age 6) and preceded to tellhim he was going to come and get him for Christmas directly from school at which point the child looked at Mom and asked ď where will you be? Doní t you want me at Christmas?Ē Mom said ďof course I do but itís Dadís Christmas this year and I will be here at home but you will have funĒ. Child then started crying and told Dad he wants to come and visit but after Christmas as he wants to be with this family at Christmas.

Threw everyone for a loop because there has been no big talk about Christmas just to keep things low key and not make a big deal about it. Now Dad made a point of telling child he will be with him at Christmas the child has put things together and is not happy.

So a mess!
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Old 11-22-2017, 11:01 AM
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Mom needs to remind dad (in writing) that he is to work out details with her not the child and to stop dragging kid into the middle.

Is it her year to have child over christmas?
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Old 11-22-2017, 11:48 AM
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Ugh, that is terribly manipulative behaviour, to tell the child something that hasn't been previously arranged between the adults, in an attempt to force the other adult to agree. My ex still does that, and it sucks. Although usually it's done to make you look like the mean parent, and in this case it seems to have backfired. Tell the child that you are still working out the exact day of departure with his dad, but it's dad's turn for Christmas so everybody has to deal with that and make their plans accordingly. He'll only miss a boring Christmas at Mom's because she's just going to spend the week cleaning because the real excitement is going to be New Years' there this year. Open stockings at midnight while drinking sparkling juice from fancy glasses!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Beachnana View Post
Order states Christmas vacation shall be shared equally

Last day of school is Dec 22. First day back is Jan 8.
So Christmas holidays are 23Dec to January 7. 16 days so 8 days each.

Dad is now saying he should have Dec 22 noon ( when school gets out) to Dec 31. Mom is saying itís Dec 23 to Dec 30 as per past practice and the agreement has been interpreted I. The past. 8 days each.

Dad insisted on the order that child is to be brought to the airport so that what it states. Now he wants to pick up from school.
So these previous 'past practice' of the holidays being Dec 23 to 30 have been regardless of the school schedule? How much has that deviated from the order in the past? Deviating is on a case by case basis unless you mutually determined you like the deviation better and want to keep it going forward so you both agree to a Motion to Change and enshrine the deviation in a new order.

You haven't done that, so...

Shared equally makes me think the first week belongs to dad this year, and the second week belongs to mom. Not dad's week happens somewhere in the middle. Is there some practical child-focused reason that pickup at school on the 22nd doesn't work? There are 17 overnights between the 22nd (last day of school) and the 8th (first day back). It's very hard to share that perfectly equally unless you propose to wake the child for a middle of the night exchange.

Dad proposing Dec 22 to 31 gives him 9 overnights, leaving 8 for mom. That's 8 full days and two half days to dad, and seven full days and one half day to mom. I don't think it's unreasonable at all for a parent with so little access to have the extra bits of time.

You could always counter with being okay with pickup at school on the 22 (that saves you having to drive to the airport or even see dad - win!) if the other exchange happens on the 30th instead of the 31st. That gives dad 8 overnights and 9 for mom, 7 full days and two half days to dad, 8 full days and one half day to mom. I don't see that it makes a huge difference though unless you have plans for a long drive somewhere that exchange weekend for your holiday destination that you would prefer to be able to do earlier?
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Old 11-22-2017, 12:23 PM
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So in the past itís been the 8 days each starting on the first Sat of the Christmas holidays and counting 8 days then transitioning on the evening of the evening of the the 8 day.

This year the holidays are late so that weekend is a big rush plus it also happens to be the childs birthday on the 23 rd of Dec.

Had a Dad first discussed his plans with Mom and made the arrangements prior to telling the child things would likely have gone smoother. But as usual Dad just announces his plans and then gets pissyĒ when Mom does not agreeing. - immediately threaten CAS and legal proceedings. This year is a little more stressful because the child has said I do not want to go for Christmas but will go after.

Mom has said we are celebrating Christmas when you get back but Child is not happy. Dad is not happy and Mom is not,happy. So I hate ££@%*% Christmas!
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Old 11-22-2017, 12:45 PM
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I suggested a drop off at the airport on Dec 22 1hour prior to flight. This has been the,previous practice on all visits.
Then return on the evening of the 30 th and pick up from the airport again as in previous years.
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Old 11-22-2017, 12:50 PM
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I should also say that there has not been one visit arranged that Dad has not,attempted to change the agreement to suit his needs.

This summer even though it was not his year to have first choice on vacation days he still managed to send many nasty emails demanding accommodation to,his schedule and called CAS when he could not get his own way.

CAS exonated Mom and suggested Dad was a bully.
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