How did I handle this?

[Digger]

#1 xmas access times were only discussed during a 4 way meeting. We agreed that I would pick up my d at 5:30 pm on Dec 23 and drop her off at 8 pm on Dec 24, I would then pick her up at 2pm on Dec 25 and drop her off at 5:30 pm on Dec 26.

#2 Because my ex will only change access times if it goes through her lawyer, I get a call from my lawyer asking if I would agree to change the drop off time on the 24th to 6:30 pm and then I could pick up my d at 1pm on the 25th (note this probably cost me $100.00 but I agreed as it worked better for me)

Now during my pickup on the 25th my ex asked that I drop my d off by 10am on the 26th because they had lunch plans. I told her no we had agreed to the 5:30 drop off, as I had the letter from my lawyer listing the times. My ex then asks to see it and I told her I didn't bring it with me. My ex then goes off telling my d repeatedly that mommy will see you at 10 tomorrow.

On the 26th I asked my d what she wanted to do and she came up with maybe she could go for lunch and come back. I told her that dads time with her was very precious and that I would see if mom would agree to having her from 11 till 1 and in exchange I could pick her up a couple of hours early on my next wed. I also explained that some times mom's and dad's don't always agree and that she may have to wait till tomorrow to go for lunch. When my ex called I could not even pitch the idea, she kept asking to see the letter and would not let me talk, she then told me she would be over at 11 to see the letter. When my ex came over to see the letter she then states that she has talked to her lawyer and that nothing is binding on what we agreed to. She then asks for me to give my d to her, I told her no I needed to think about it and I would call her. She then told me she would be talking to her lawyer.

I then let my d know that she would have to wait till tomorrow to go for lunch. When I called my ex to let her know I stated that the only time we discussed access times for xmas was at the 4 way and she had even went through her lawyer to change one of them and that we had been following what we had agreed to thus far and I would be dropping off my d at 5:30.

I know you are not supposed to put the kids in the middle but I'm not sure what choice I had

[beebie]

Why are you talking so much to your ex?

Use the lawyers since she is being unreasonable.

Be "not available" to her when you have your access time.

Why are you asking a young child what they want to do? Follow the agreement to the letter with a headcase like her.

[Berner_Faith]

My question is...this is now a month old...have you not spoken to your lawyer about it?

Anyways...beebie is right...you do not involve the child at all...you stick to what the agreement states, and use email as a way to communicate...don't get into a back and forth with her...its not worth your time... next time it happens and she wants to change times on the whim...tell her to get her lawyer to write a letter...by the time it reaches your lawyer, the days are most likely going to be over and she will be out the money for such a silly thing.

[HammerDad]

Agreed with the others.

Move communication to email, that leaves a paper trail. Don't engage in her drama and hystrionics, it just isn't worth it.

Generally, I think you did a good job. If the child was concerned about what is going on, you did right in helping her understand mom and dad disagree sometimes and that is ok, as all parents do. Then let her know it is an adult matter that you will handle and she need not worry. From there, go for like ice cream of something.

If you ex ever asks you again to change time, a) get it in writing and b) ensure any make up time you would be entitled to is also in writing. Hopefully your makeup time is prior to any time you would lose.

[Tayken]

Originally Posted by beebie

Why are you talking so much to your ex?

Use the lawyers since she is being unreasonable.

Be "not available" to her when you have your access time.

Why are you asking a young child what they want to do? Follow the agreement to the letter with a headcase like her.

Excellent advice. I would follow what Beebie says.

Good Luck!
Tayken

[Digger]

There is no agreement. Her lawyer said that they had started a petition in mid Dec? and my ex has no email or computer as far as I know. Also I feel I had to explain to my d that she wasn't going with my ex after she had been promised. I feel that my ex is putting my d in the middle and I was just doing damage control. Also yes the next time she starts on me during a pu I will tell her i discuss nothing in person with her.

[HammerDad]

Wear a digital voice recorder during exchanges if for no other reason then to protect yourself.

But generally, don't engage in verbal conversations with her.

And google voice is your friend for phone calls.

[Tayken]

Originally Posted by HammerDad

Wear a digital voice recorder during exchanges if for no other reason then to protect yourself.

But generally, don't engage in verbal conversations with her.

And google voice is your friend for phone calls.

Curious... Is there a feature for Google Voice for recording now?

[HammerDad]

The source for all things information ...lol

Google Voice - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Call recording and online archiving (press 4 while on a call)

Call recording

There is no option to automatically record calls. Additionally, when recording is manually initiated during an incoming call, Google inserts a recording notification that is heard by all parties. This occurs whether the subscriber is in a U.S. state requiring such notification or not (most do not). Call recording is also available for outgoing calls as long as the call is initiated from www.google.com/voice. Alternatively, recordings can be made using utilities such as gnome-sound-recorder in Linux.

[Tayken]

Originally Posted by HammerDad

The source for all things information ...lol

Google Voice - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia



Call recording

There is no option to automatically record calls. Additionally, when recording is manually initiated during an incoming call, Google inserts a recording notification that is heard by all parties. This occurs whether the subscriber is in a U.S. state requiring such notification or not (most do not). Call recording is also available for outgoing calls as long as the call is initiated from www.google.com/voice. Alternatively, recordings can be made using utilities such as gnome-sound-recorder in Linux.

Thanks! Excellent stuff. The only downfall is that under Canadian Law you don't have to notify the other party you are recording the call. It would be nice if you could suppress the notice ultimately. (I am assuming the notice in the quote provided is heard by the other party to the call.)