Help me interpret access as ordered by judge

[independentgal]

My ex has not seen our son for an overnight since Xmas 07-08(2 nights). He has not seen our son on alternate weekends since prior to that, summer 2007. He has not even seen our son since a nine hour period on Fathers Day of this year. He has been saying that he has to work on the weekends that previously were agreed upon-but in his questioning admitted that he works for no pay, and is just doing favours for a neighbour. He has finally just admitted last week that his new girlfriend of a year or so( who has been living with him for a year or so with her two kids) has access conflict with her two kids.

Apparently my ex has chosen not to see our son for this length of time because his new girlfriend's ex-husband's new girlfriend's ex husband's new partner(seriously) has refused to allow my ex's girlfriend to change her weekends. My ex and his girlfriend ONLY want my son on the weekends they have her kids(as if being a parent is conditional on external forces like that!) I can understand wanting the change, but not on refusing to see our son for so long to prove a point.

So, began a huge mess in motions court last week. My ex filed no material about this reasoning except in our failed settlement conference, my ex got MY partner's crazy ex-wife to write a letter that she would change her weekends to allow everyone to be happy. But this was not seen on our motion day, just referred to, and the judge asked me why I would not allow access to be determined based on this woman's say-so.

My partner's ex wife is an unbelieveably unhappy, violent, vindictive person. She has been charged twice with assault and assault with a weapon against my partner(last year). She has a peace bond that SHOULD be preventing her from interfering in the personal life of my partner and I, harassing, annoying,etc.
She has tried very hard to alienate the kids from their father. She and my ex have "found each other", I guess misery loves company. They meet and hang out together and gossip about my partner and I. This woman would do anything to interfere with access, as past/current behavior has proven it. My partner and his ex have a final access order and it would cost money to go to court to change it, and my partner does not want to open that can of worms with his ex.

Anyway, the judge listened to all of this and said if one party was not willing to change the alternate regime(that excluded my ex's partner's children as they go to their dads) then he would make it so neither of us was happy. And he did just so.

The judges notes(not even his endorsement yet) state that instead of alternate weekend access, we would have alternate monthly access. Starting in March(as ex must phase in overnights due to lack of contact with my son) the judge said my ex will have the first and third weekend of the month. The following month my ex will have the second and fourth weekend, and so on.

Well, this does not work as he intended it to work. In theory it would mean that one weekend of every four we would have all of our kids together instead of every other weekend. But this does not reflect that. Before it gets made into an order should I fax something to the courthouse(and copy to exs lawyer) about the conflict and propose some alternate method of coming to the same arrangement as was intended by the judge? Thanks for making it to the bottom of this monster post!

[#1StepMom]

Well Independent Gal, it seems that the judge made a ruling based on the fact that neither parties can agree to an arrangement. Therefore, he made an order that would allow for all the kids to be together at least once per month (or every-other-month). A 2nd/4th alternating 1st/3rd weekend schedule is not rare. It is actually preferred by some people. In most cases where it is ordered, it is because the parties cannot agree on when to start the every-other-weekend schedule. This way, each party gets what they want... half the time.

If you have a better option that you think would be agreeable to everyone involved, you can discuss it with the parties and each one of you can sign a consent indicating that what you proposed is what you want the judge to order. A consent such as that will over-rule the judge's order. After all, you only go to court when you cannot agree, right?

Hope this helps!