Having difficulty with dropping off

[billiechic]

then you have the power to choose where and how the exchange happens, so long as it does. Tell him he will not be picking them up at your house and make it a neutral location. If he refuses then he refuses the access.

[Nadia]

Thank you Billiechic for your reply. I will encourage him to pick up both children from the daycare they attend. It'll be much easier on the children. I don't have to be involved in the transfer.

[billiechic]

Daycare is the perfect solution whenever possible. We do the same thing.
However, she's not in daycare this week, she is recovering form surgery, so I am picking her up at the police station.

[Nadia]

I took my daughter to see her counselor last Thursday. She's been seeing a therapist that works with hearing impaired children about all sorts of issues from communication when frustrated or tired and how better to express herself when verbal communication is not easy.

Anyway, I had told the counselor about my daughter getting upset when I dropped her off. It turns out all it is separation anxiety! Given that my daughter has no issues with me driving her to her dad's house, and is not upset when she returns, in fact she has lots of fun when she is with him, it is not so much dad but the fact that mom has to leave.

One of the things I have taken pride in doing well is making sure our children continue to have a healthy relationship with their dad. Although my ex and I parent differently, the children seem very resilient and enjoy being with their dad. I have read some of the threads on parental alienation on this site, and am horrified that parents would put their children through that. No one should have the right to control a child's access to their parent.

[billiechic]

that's good (that it's nothing more than separation anxiety). I know even that is hard, but it's something you both can help her with. My girl has it too, though I don't know yet if there is anything else going on.

[Nadia]

Thank you for being so supportive. You are awesome!

[Nadia]

Went over to the police station car park so that the exchange could take place there. It was another difficult drop off. My five year old, became really upset. Didn't want to get out of my vehicle. Got her out, and it was just "Mommy I don't want to go to Daddy's house, I want to stay with you." Ex started asking her why she didn't want to go to Daddy's house right there in the parking lot. She wouldn't answer. He put her in his vehicle and she started throwing up. I left in my vehicle.

I feel devastated and very guilty leaving her in that state. My ex won't allow her to call me when she is away with him, because "it is his time." He also won't call me to let me know that she is OK. Spend the weekend worried and anxious as hell. Don't get much sleep.

This "separation anxiety" started about a month ago. She had no problems with transition before that. Unlike, his sister, my three year old son has no problems with the transition from one home to another.

What can I do?

[dadtotheend]

Virtually nothing.