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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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Old 09-17-2012, 08:10 PM
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Red face Getting to and From School Issues

This is a little complicated, but here's the story.

Years ago, when our youngest was starting school, we decided to send her to a French Emersion school that she could bus to. #1, we didn't want her to go to any schools in our immediate district #2 we agreed that trying the French out would be a great idea.

By the time our second child started, first one was still doing pretty good. I should mention that our second child talked very late and I took him to some speech therapy classes.
By the time he finishe SK, the teacher told me she was a little concerned with his ability to comprehend some of what was going on. (example: Couldn't relay much of a plot in a story that was read to them) I said I would do extra reading during the summer and let's keep him going to see how he does in grade 1.
Fast forward a bit....By the end of grade 3 and 5, both my kids had enough of the French Emersion. My youngest had a rough year with not paying attention and getting lots of notes sent home and my oldest was struggling to keep up with the French. They weren't happy at this school at all.Both pleaded with me to let them go to the Catholic school a few blocks from my house. (the French school was also Catholic) One big problem was that the kids couldn't bus from their dads house.I told the kids that this would be a big problem and to let me look into it. They talked to their Grama (his step mom) She also thought this school would be good and as always, wanted what the kids wanted. She agreed to drive the kids to and from school. When she was unable, I did. He said they could go to the school, but he would have nothing to do with getting them there or back.

Fast forward unil now....They went to the new school last year. Both had great years and they love the school. Just this past Friday, the kids Grama was offered an opportunity that unables her to pickt the kids up. This sucks, but good for her. So, my ex tells me that if I can't get the kids to his house after shcool that they will have to go back to the old school (this happend the week before school started this year too. He was attempting to get her out the equation so he wouldn't have to give her gas $. He also expects me to pay half the gas money she needs and if entitled to, and I do. Today my daughter tells me that one of the moms that help out at lunch is going to drive the kids to their dads because they live close by. I offered for the kids to walk to my house and their dad pick them up on his way home from work. No go...he won't do that.
Would anyone else have an issue with this or should i just suck this up? Grama is still driving in the mornings. I'm sure there are missing detials, but i'm exhausted lol.
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Old 09-17-2012, 09:48 PM
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As I look for responses as well as talk to my kids on the phone and really think this through, perhaps there really isn't an issue that I can do anything about. Perhaps there really isn't an issue! The kids are happy, they are getting to school. All is good. Just not my way Helped to write it down!!
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Old 09-17-2012, 10:51 PM
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What is your custody/access agreement?
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Old 09-18-2012, 08:36 AM
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We have a "made at home" sparation agreement. Joint/week about.
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Old 09-18-2012, 08:41 AM
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On his week he is responsible for getting the kids to and from school. Period. Nothing else to say.

Your trouble is you engage in conversation about it. Don't. He doesn't have an argument. He is their parent, he is responsible for them. He can make arrangments with the other parents, or take off work early, or get a babysitter for a couple of hours, etc.

You shouldn't really even be talking about it. It's like he's asking you to come over and do his laundry, it's just absurd. Just say no, and hang up.
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Old 09-18-2012, 08:59 AM
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Yes Mess, you are totally right. I am totally guilty of bending and doing when I'm not responsible to do what needs doing.

My problem is that I've never wanted the kids to "feel" the issues. For instance....Dad is telling them that I need to bring them home, and I am telling them that Dad needs to come get them. I've just always done the running.

Last Fall/Winter I picked my daughter up at her dads every other Thursday to take her to and from dance because "he didn't sign her up and the times were inconvenient for him" 80% of the time, he WAS home from work when I picked her up.

The kids are 10 and 12 now. I think it's time for me to start standing my ground I'm not doing the running when it's not my week.

I did speak with a Lawyer yesterday who insisted that a judge wouldn't drag them out a school they were doing well at and really enjoyed.

As I read posts from others I KNOW that my small issues are just that..SMALL. Still, advice is nice. Sometimes, I feel like I'm totally being taken advantage of, and sometimes I feel as though I'm making a mountain out a mole hill. We've come this far out of court...Here's hoping we can continue.
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Old 09-20-2012, 08:01 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kingstonmomof2 View Post
.I told the kids that this would be a big problem and to let me look into it. They talked to their Grama (his step mom) She also thought this school would be good and as always, wanted what the kids wanted.
That doesn't sound good.
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Old 09-20-2012, 09:10 AM
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This part is complicated and I didn't explain it in enough detail. Does it look like I had them talk to her? I didn't.

The issue was this...they (my son inparticular) weren't doing so well with the French any longer AND really wanted to attend the school in the (my) neighbourhood.
Would I have considered this at ALL if their grades were fine? NO
Did I have anything to gain by the switch? NO. They took a bus from my house as well just a few houses down the road.

Because of the grades, I knew a switch was in the near future. The ONLY bus route option from their dads house was the original school, otherwise, they would have to attend the very school that we had always said we didn't want them to go to. (rough rough neighbourhood)
Getting back to the time this was going on.....They were pleading with me to let them switch. He said the only way he would agree was if he didn't have to get them there or back. I actually understood, and still do, the down side of this for him and felt bad. So...His mom agreed to do the transportation with myself, my partner, and my father filling in when/if needed. Ideal situation? No, but they were attending the only decent school they could, and doing much better, and happy.
First year went great. Last week, my ex MIL said she couldn't drive anymore...etc etc back to original post.
Update: another parent is driving them somedays and kids and ex are happy. My daughter texted me this morning..They are walking to my house after school today and their father is picking them up after work!!! That is amazing to me. I had a very brief conversation the other night with him about these issues. Did I get through to him?? Usually, it would be MY responsibility to get them home.
Again, I DO realize this situation put him out, but it's not about keeping him happy, it's about making sure the kids do well in school.
Does that help??
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