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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 10-24-2013, 02:08 PM
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Default Filling a motion to change final agreement, need advice!!!

The OCL report was done in 2011, recommendations such as
-drug testing -to be completed in 2012
-addictions therapy - to be completed in 2012
-his pitbulls should never be in the presence of S4
-"de-couple's'' councilling for us both (to be arranged by him)
-so on so forth...

A final agreement was signed by a judge in April 2013 and those recommendations were accepted as "to do"s

As of today, ex has shown no reports of therapy or testing. I asked twice if he had looked into therapy for us and told me that his gf did not want us to go and last week my son came back from his father's with a big gash on his ankle and explained to me that while he was outside, one of the dogs was tied up and pulled on it's chain, he fell to the ground which cause the bobo.

Things of the such have been happening since day 1 of our separation almost 3 years ago. But I still gave him the benefit of the doubt that he would, having signed a final agreement with all the recommendations, do what he had to, to better himself and make sure S4 was in a safe, healthy environment.

My lawyer has made notice that the shared custody is clearly not working since there are many things that suggest that my ex cannot be civil (even via SMS)and also has not done, in the time allowed, what was asked of him. My lawyer suggests cutting down the time with the father since the signs are clear that he is irresponsible in regards to S4's safety and health.

Our parenting schedule is a progressive one (as recommended by OCL) so we add 1 day to his time per year. At which point when our son turns 6 it will be a 50/50 custody, with my residence as primary.

Any thoughts? What would you do?
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Old 10-24-2013, 02:17 PM
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One of the things I've learned in the many months here is that there are things in an agreement that are enforceable, and many that are not. It is hard to predict whether or not a particular judge will view the lack of followthrough on the counselling.

To get sole custody, you will have to do more than prove he is uncivil or even unco-operative with you. You need to prove that he is a bad parent and that the child's health and safety are at risk. The gash on the ankle could reasonably be seen as an accident, they do happen.

If you have concerns with the environment at his place, I think you would need to engage CAS. One judge can ignore the OCL, though its harder to do when its in the agreement.
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Old 10-24-2013, 02:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Helpless View Post
...
-his pitbulls should never be in the presence of S4
-"de-couple's'' councilling for us both (to be arranged by him)
...
2 questions:
- what issues were there before, with the dogs, that this would have to be put forth - the dog chain wrapping around kids leg, is not uncommon, and would not be an issue, on its own. I assume there are real incidents from before, that caused this recommendation?

- why was "counselling" only to be arranged by him? If he's not doing it, what reason is there, that you are also not allowed to pursue this (even if on your own)? Not understanding, this aspect.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Helpless View Post
...
As of today, ex has shown no reports of therapy or testing. I asked twice if he had looked into therapy for us and told me that his gf did not want us to go and last week my son came back from his father's with a big gash on his ankle and explained to me that while he was outside, one of the dogs was tied up and pulled on it's chain, he fell to the ground which cause the bobo...
Again, if he's not looking into the counselling, why aren't you allowed or able to initate this?


Quote:
Originally Posted by Helpless View Post
...since there are many things that suggest that my ex cannot be civil (even via SMS)and also has not done, in the time allowed, what was asked of him. My lawyer suggests cutting down the time with the father since the signs are clear that he is irresponsible in regards to S4's safety and health.
Avoid SMS (text) communication. "even via SMS", should really be "because of SMS". It's a bad communication method, for high conflict parent(s). Email. Documented communication, via email (or registered letter - where appropriate).
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Old 10-24-2013, 02:38 PM
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Dogs have, in the past, attacked a neighbor and killed two cats.

As for "our" counseling, the assessor had determined that it would be beneficial for him to take on such responsibility.

I specified to my lawyer that if we were going through with a motion, I would like to implement a clause that states that all communication between ex and I be done by email only...

CAS has been involved 4 times in the past,
-once at hospital, concerning observation of a nurse while he was intoxicated.
-twice by police after I had called since he had failed to bring back S4 on schedule time
-once by anonymous tip (they questioned me on weather or not he was abusive)

They have closed the case everytime since S4's development is ok, no signs of abuse or neglect.
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Old 10-24-2013, 02:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Helpless View Post
...
I specified to my lawyer that if we were going through with a motion, I would like to implement a clause that states that all communication between ex and I be done by email only...
Take a look at "OurFamilyWizard.com" as well. It seems highly recommended, and offers the "communication" aspect, but also shared calendar/schedules, confirmation when the other party has received/read a message, etc.

There is a cost. About $100 a year, per person. May be worth the cost.
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