Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Parenting Issues

Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

Closed Thread
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 04-18-2006, 02:30 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 141
gooddadgoingmad is on a distinguished road
Default Fathers Day/Mothers Day

For those of you who are being kept from, or alienated from you children by your ex, what has been your experience during fathers day and mothers day?( depending on if you're a man or a woman)

Last fathers day came and went for me with no recognition. My son was 5 then and I really thought that ex would at least have my son draw a picture or make a card to send me...even dial my number so that my son could say happy father's day....but there was nothing at all. At the time I was still living in the same town as them and although she was blatently keeping my son from me, I was still surprised that she did this.

As far as I'm concerned, this is the kind of thing which causes alienation. It's certainly something I plan to mention to my lawyer very soon.

For those of you with young children, does your ex help your child/ren to acknowledge special days such as fathers day or your birthday?

Thanks
GDGM
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 04-18-2006, 02:34 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 141
gooddadgoingmad is on a distinguished road
Default

FYI...same thing happened with my birthday. No recognition whatsoever.

GDGM
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 04-18-2006, 04:24 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 34
sherif28 is on a distinguished road
Default

Hi there,

I really feel for you....what an awful thing to do to hurt you and your children.
My ex has visitation and when my child is with him on a holiday he will not answer the phone or have her call back after I leave repeated messages....so yes I go through the same stuff. You feel helpless and so hurt.
But I will never be that type of parent...I always have our child call him and especially on special days. Take this past Easter.....our child hasnt heard from her father in over a month(seen or telephone call) as he has decided that he is so angry at me that he wont see our child anymore . So anyways I was hoping that at least he could have called on Easter but no he didnt so in the evening I had her call him and all he did was drill her as to why she hasnt called him.
When our ex's are so angry at us and can not let go of this all they do is hurt our children in the long run. If they could only get it!!!

My suggestion is keep trying, document everything and take the matter before court. Do you have in your court papers that you have designated times for phone access? If you do and she is not abiding than address it before a judge. I dont know what other course to take because and angry, bitter ex will never see the light. Continue to reassure your children when you do talk to them that you love them and want to talk all the time etc.

Good luck to you
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 04-18-2006, 07:25 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 479
Decent Dad is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

Do these parents ever wonder what is going to happen when their children grow up. When they can't be lied to, controlled or abused. They are young for only a short period of their lives, and then they grow into adults. People who are adults far longer than they are children. Adults that make their own decisions. But GDSM, that offers little when special days are missed.

GDGM, I can certainly feel for you. My ex pulled the same crap all the time. And we live in the same city. Missed Father's Days, birthdays (the child and mine), Christmas, holidays, and on and on. People are savages. Unfortunately you must become the devil to defeat the devil.

Yes I would document everything. Although it would take years for any type of contempt order to be made against her. And even more time and battles to lose custody/access. But you never know what will happen in the WWoFC (wally world of family court).

Interesting how there is a Billion dollar public funded office called the FRO, but no equivalent access enforcement system. You, the parent, must fund your own legal battle to see your child. Best interests of the child? Right.
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 04-18-2006, 10:55 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 34
sherif28 is on a distinguished road
Default

Decent Dad,

You bring up a great point regarding enforcement with FRO for support but no help when parents are denied access of the children.

You hit the nail on the head about them only being children for so long and then realizing all the manipulation and lying that occured.
Adults need to realize that children come first, their needs.....still all this doesnt make it easy for GDGM and all the other parents who go through this.....

GDGM......keep trying ....keep the faith....I pray for you that things turn around and you get to start seeing your child.
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 04-19-2006, 12:05 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Ottawa
Posts: 225
Jenny is on a distinguished road
Default

You can get a custody arrangement that addresses these days. For instance - say father's day lands on a weekend or day you don't have the day with your child- arrangements will be made. Same thing would go for mother's day- if you would normally have your child during that day - you would return him by a certain time or give up that day so your ex could see him on that day. You would also specify which holidays are with which parent - it could alternate each year or you could each have the same holidays each year. Some families easter is a bigger deal than thanksgiving, etc...

Until your son is old enough to pick up the phone and call you when he wants I wouldn't expect any special treatment from your ex. And really at a young age the mother's day/father's day/your birthday thing is your spouse doing it - not your child( not saying at 6 he might not be able to do something - but a 2 year old really has no concept of things like this unless you tell them- even in intact families the gesture is more from the spouse not the child)
  #7 (permalink)  
Old 04-19-2006, 01:05 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 141
gooddadgoingmad is on a distinguished road
Default

Yes, I really hope that when I return home I can focus more on trying to get the courts to specify things with regards to access. To actually be living in the same place will make everything much easier.

I know what you're saying about my son being young...with regards to picking up the phone on father's day and other special days. From where I stand I just think that as his mother, she should help to foster that healthy relationship with me. I certainly would do that. I wonder about my boy in his kindergarten class and the other kids perhaps mentioning father's day and such. He's a very, very bright little boy and I know that he would wonder where his dad is on father's day. I think it's cruel for her to not have him make a card or to pick up the phone for him to say " happy father's day".
Lord knows that if rolls were reversed, I would be horrified by not giving my child that option and I know I would go out of my way to encourage him to make a card or call his mother. Sometimes I wonder what the hell is going on in her mind to do this to that little boy.

GDGM
  #8 (permalink)  
Old 04-19-2006, 02:05 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 860
Grace has a spectacular aura aboutGrace has a spectacular aura about
Default

Both Mothers & Fathers day are approaching. Take the high road on this GDGM, and when you are home, hopefully in the next few weeks??? when you have your son, help him make a card and gift for his Mom. Even if she doesn't reciprocate the gesture, do it for your son. These are the moments your son will remember when he is an adult and contribute to your son becoming a kind and compassionate human being.
  #9 (permalink)  
Old 04-19-2006, 02:46 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 479
Decent Dad is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jenny
You can get a custody arrangement that addresses these days.
A judge may lay out some sort of schedule for holidays, events, and vacation. The problem is, Jenny, is that when GDGM goes to pick up his son, and is ex and son are not there, there is not much he can do. Even with a court order. Sure he can call the police. Sure he can add it to the growing list on the affidavit. Maybe even get a comptempt order/charge. And then it all starts again...
  #10 (permalink)  
Old 04-19-2006, 03:21 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 44
2hopefull is on a distinguished road
Red face

I'm not going to be too disappointed if my "soon to be ex" doesn't help my daughter remember my birthday or mother's day, because this didn't happen during the course of the marriage. Yes it hurts but I've learned not to expect it in the past, therefore I'm not going to expect it now. Although when they are in school, the teachers usually have the kids make cards for "special" days and your little ones will give them. I guess this wasn't too much help.

Closed Thread


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
fathers forum? helplessDad General Chat 4 10-24-2009 02:03 AM
10 years, renting his father's home. BellaFranklin Common Law Issues 5 08-08-2009 08:10 AM
How CAS workers manipulate children in a campaign to harm fathers and protect mothers logicalvelocity Political Issues 1 02-09-2009 09:37 PM
Happy Father's Day logicalvelocity General Chat 3 06-26-2006 12:03 AM
Frustration this week in England too !! bearall Political Issues 5 02-25-2006 04:40 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:43 PM.