Ex's ex wants relationship with kids...

[caro46]

Hi all
My ex was with his partner for about 1 and 1/2 yr and they just separated. We have 3 kids and she has 2, during the time of the relationship my ex's ex and her children became quite close to my kids. As my ex is away out of the country for 1 month she has asked me a few times if my kids can go and visit and I have accepted under the condition that once he comes back she talks to him and makes sure he agrees to this. She is ok with that and has been very respectfull of my request. My 14 yrs old daughter was quite upset at the fact that her dad has the power to either let the relationship continue or not. sHE actually ''Told'' her dad that he had no say in the matter when she is with me, which puts me in between... Of course I'm happy to facilitate a relationship between the kids but not if it means putting them, or me in the middle...

If there was no children involved it would be an easy decision but I feel that my ex and his ex now have a responsibility towards the children. They formed a family for a year or so and we can't ask them to pretend it never happened.
Anyone in a similar situation? Suggestions?

[billm]

The kids should be able to see who ever they want as long as it does not effect them negatively. You being in the 'middle' is not of concern.

Either way, probably best to let the relationship slowly fade away, as it will if the adults involved don't actively pursue it.

So I would not refuse the children's requests to see each other, but I also would not actively pursue it.

Ex's belong in the past - and their kids too, especially from a relationship that was less than 2 years.

[blinkandimgone]

Sounds like your kids have already talked to their father about it however you haven't mentioned anything about his thoughts/feelings about it.

I would be inclined to let the kids have their friends, even if it's the ex's ex as long as it isn't causing any friction between the adults involved ie: the adults using it as an excuse to stay in contact or create conflict.

If the kids are happy and the adults are mature enough to handle the relationships then great.

[caro46]

Originally Posted by blinkandimgone

Sounds like your kids have already talked to their father about it however you haven't mentioned anything about his thoughts/feelings about it.

I would be inclined to let the kids have their friends, even if it's the ex's ex as long as it isn't causing any friction between the adults involved ie: the adults using it as an excuse to stay in contact or create conflict.

If the kids are happy and the adults are mature enough to handle the relationships then great.

Well... my kids went to their ex-step sister`s b-day yesterday and my ex called while they were there and told the kids that they better say their goodbyes as this was the last time they were seeing their step siblings... I couldn`t believe he would choose to do this! I guess that tells me how mature he is about the whole thing! Unfortunately now my kids are very angry with their dad and I have to deal with it because he`s not back from his trip. My 14yrs old daughter was up part of the night and was crying this morning. I spoke to the ex and asked her to not contact the kids until she and my ex have a discussion and both decide on what`s gonna happen.
I guess I am upset at myself because i feel like I should have known he was going to be this way even tho he never spoke to me about the situation... He even asked me to take the kids next sunday so he can do something with his ex... So I assumed they were on good terms. I should know by now never to assume with him!

[blinkandimgone]

That's too bad The children should be allowed their friends, especially if it's on your time. Grrr!

[standing on the sidelines]

cant see him being able to control who the kids have as friends.

[CSAngel]

Your ex is seriously selfish. I think you should stand up for your kids and tell him you will allow them to see their friends. They are more important than his stupid ego.

[mummer1962]

My sperm donor cash cow as he calls himself split up with someone who was awesome to my daughter. His new wife is a complete menace. My daughter has chosen to stay connected with ex wife who maintains the relationship with her brothers. Sometimes, people come in and out of ex's life who are better for the children than current wife. That is why they are the ex right..cause they could not make good decisons. If your children are happy, keep them happy...Actually ex wife had my daughter with her brothers when Respondent and new wife would not have her visit them when she was out of province...go figure..."DADDY" would not let daughter visit with her brothers and ex wife did....what the hell is that!