Ex requesting vacation in school year

[rimanel]

Hi there:

We have a joint custody of the 4 year old. My ex is asking to allow to take our daughter on vacation in October for 12 nights. My daughter just starts JK in September and I discagree this is the right thing for her.

in addition, in our SA:
- we can take summer vacation only (my ex has taken his already)
- 7 nights only

So this 12 day request is over and above of what we agreed on.

I am not agreeing to it and looks like being served with the motion any day now.

What is your POV on the situation? What would the judge mot likely do?

Thank you.

[billiechic]

Why is he going on vacation then? Is it a family thing, or just a cheap time? As she is only 4 I don't think missing school is a big deal, but she will just be getting intoa routine. I don't think it's a good idea either. Is he willing to give up some of his other time to make it up to you??

[rimanel]

My ex is trying to compete in or enjoy a sports event. This is not a family re-union, or anything. It's the event that my ex wants to attend and wants to take my daughter to to enjoy the event together.

[daddio]

Hi All,
You can take my advice with a grain of salt because I don't fully understand the situation but I think at you're daughters age it does'nt hurt to miss a few days of school here and there. My daughter is going into grade 3 and misses on average 20 days for illness and vacations and her marks have always been exceptional. Also travel can be extremely educational compared to sitting in a classroom.
There will be times that you may need him to return the favor, for instance if you fall ill or attend a funeral etc. that you may need some leniency from him too, I think the two of you should work together on this one especially if it's something you're daughter is looking forward to doing with her father.

[rimanel]

thank you. I disagree.

It not about travel, etc. Its is about whats best for the child. We agreed to 1 week vacation time during summer - we have done it. Now, it is routine and regular schedule.

[dinkyface]

This seems like a quite restrictive vacation policy - for both of you. Are you also happy with this 7 nights only, once per year, only in summer arrangement for your own vacations with your daughter?

[rimanel]

Originally Posted by dinkyface

This seems like a quite restrictive vacation policy - for both of you. Are you also happy with this 7 nights only, once per year, only in summer arrangement for your own vacations with your daughter?

It is not restrictive. We share Winter / March / Summer breaks for travel.

And yes I am happy with 2x 1 week time off with my daughter. Remember, she is 4 and there is a reason why it is only 7 days at a time away from the parent.

[billm]

Missing school is not an issue at any age - the school of life works wonders.

The father wants to take their child to an event that is important to him and to share it. You would not do this, but he would and he is an equal in this. Let him parent his way, and you yours and together you will raise a child that reflects the both of you.

Flexiblity is the key, no one likes to be controlled by the other, so I suggest you let him be the parent he wants to and in return you can do the same.

12 days is a little long, perhaps he can shorten it if that makes you feel better. From the childs point of view I think it will be a good experience - better than going to do the same old thing in JK day after day....

It is a good thing that he wants to do this, I suggest you let him and accept that you and he have different ideas of what is best for your daughter.

[today]

My opinion is I can not see any reason what so ever to not permit the child such an awesome opportunity to spend time with her Father. It would allow plenty of time to bond and know each other in a more meaningful way.

Really denying beacause of the "agreement", give me a break, because of missing a few days of JK, get serious, really not issues.

This is an real opportnity for your child, personally I have great difficulty grasping the concept of denying your daughter this opportunity, I undestand you have an agreement, but you will find thngs change especially as your child grows, comprimises on both sides will always be necessarry it will always be your decision what is best for your child, that being said generally speaking having two activlely involved parents is 100% always better for the child.

It is these type of unilateral decisions that feed the family court system, very unecessary and costly for no other reason than a Father wishing to be somewhat present in his daughters life.

[dinkyface]

Though it depends greatly on the child and their relationship to their parents, I'd doubt that 12 days with one parent away from the other parent at 4yo would be an issue. My friend just completed his first 13 day trip with his 26 month old daughter - she certainly showed no signs of pining for her mother, even during the reunion with Mom after the trip.