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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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Old 10-06-2012, 10:50 PM
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Default Educational Documents

So last year it was an issue with receiving documents from the bf's ex pertaining to S7s school...now that D4 has started school he is having a hard time again...

Their agreement states:

"4. For the purpose of clarity, it is understood that the Husband shall have access to and be entitled to copies of all medical and educational documents pertaining to either child."


His first question is...what type of documents is he entitled to have a copy of? Permission forms? Newsletters? Fundraising forms? Book Orders?

Once last year he brought a book order and asked for a few things... while he didn't get everything he asked for we did buy him 2 books, but also ordered a package of books to keep at our house (okay I admit it was more for me because I love Robert Munsch books) and we read one of these books every night before bed. Since that, she has decided we do not get book orders because "we spend too much and I can't keep up", her words to us.

This week, we find out that the kids are selling Macmillan's items (only because I happened to look at their website to see if they had a new newsletter and saw that). Bf asked the ex to send all the information with the children on Friday, as there were people around here who would like to purchase some from the kids... well she forgets to send the information and everything has to be returned Tuesday... not a huge deal we were able to obtain an order form off the website to fulfill the orders.

Ex doesn't think she should have to share this type of information with him because she doesn't see it as education documents... she thinks report cards are the only thing he is entitled too and even then, S7s last report card from June 2012, we did not receive a copy of until mid September.

Second question... how do you get her to send these documents?

He doesn't want it to get to the point of having to go to the school and requesting they send home extra documents because honestly it should not be their responsibility...

Any advice would be appreciated!
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Old 10-06-2012, 11:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Berner_Faith View Post
So last year it was an issue with receiving documents from the bf's ex pertaining to S7s school...now that D4 has started school he is having a hard time again...

Their agreement states:

"4. For the purpose of clarity, it is understood that the Husband shall have access to and be entitled to copies of all medical and educational documents pertaining to either child."


His first question is...what type of documents is he entitled to have a copy of? Permission forms? Newsletters? Fundraising forms? Book Orders?

Once last year he brought a book order and asked for a few things... while he didn't get everything he asked for we did buy him 2 books, but also ordered a package of books to keep at our house (okay I admit it was more for me because I love Robert Munsch books) and we read one of these books every night before bed. Since that, she has decided we do not get book orders because "we spend too much and I can't keep up", her words to us.

This week, we find out that the kids are selling Macmillan's items (only because I happened to look at their website to see if they had a new newsletter and saw that). Bf asked the ex to send all the information with the children on Friday, as there were people around here who would like to purchase some from the kids... well she forgets to send the information and everything has to be returned Tuesday... not a huge deal we were able to obtain an order form off the website to fulfill the orders.

Ex doesn't think she should have to share this type of information with him because she doesn't see it as education documents... she thinks report cards are the only thing he is entitled too and even then, S7s last report card from June 2012, we did not receive a copy of until mid September.

Second question... how do you get her to send these documents?

He doesn't want it to get to the point of having to go to the school and requesting they send home extra documents because honestly it should not be their responsibility...

Any advice would be appreciated!

I'm not sure what your ex's agreement states, but my ex has a clause that states, "The Applicant Father shall have the right to be informed by Blank's school, and health care professional working with Blank including medical, dental, psychological and optical professionals, and any child care provider for Blank, of any issues relating to the child. The Respondent Mother will sign any consent forms necessary to ensure the Applicant Father's direct contact with all professionals involved with Blank."

So basically, my husband can call the school and ask them to keep him informed. Just take her out of the equation. Unfortunately, she is jealous, and jealousy is ugly.

We had to do it this way because my husband's ex refused to give him the information as well.

I really hope this helps!

So you may not have this on the agreement, but it couldn't hurt to call the school and see what they can do for you. The school might have a website that has some of the information as well.

Last edited by Unevenplayingground; 10-06-2012 at 11:16 PM. Reason: Forgot info
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Old 10-07-2012, 12:10 AM
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from my experience - the school is there to help the student and BOTH parents. So many are not envolved in their children's education - as long as you are the father or mother I found that the schools will bend backwards to help. There really is not a situation that they have not dealt with - including your situation. Best is to just make an appointment with the principle and bring up your concerns..... there will/should be a non confrontational solution to this without envolving your child directly (no added stress on the child is the way to go)
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Old 10-07-2012, 08:10 AM
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Stop going thru the ex and deal directly with the school. Ask for a packet to be put together and you can pick it up/etc. Eliminates her having control over the flow of information.
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Old 10-07-2012, 11:06 AM
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Thanks...we were trying to avoid having the school do extra work, but after the conversation he had with her last night, it is clear she has no intentions of providing him with anything she "doesn't think he needs"...

It is sad when parents are unable to put their children's best interest before their own
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Old 10-07-2012, 05:36 PM
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Originally Posted by NBDad View Post
Stop going thru the ex and deal directly with the school. Ask for a packet to be put together and you can pick it up/etc. Eliminates her having control over the flow of information.
I second this advice as the court order is clear and the parent can request it without consent of the other parent.
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Old 10-08-2012, 08:06 PM
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The fact that the Mom made mention that she would not send book orders anymore because she could not keep up is persuasive that she has a hidden agenda.

However, allow me to plays the devils advocate for a sec. With school, hockey and a multitude of other extracurricular activities, I about go batty with the forms etc., particularly with 3 kids. I am no environmentalist but hokey wow, there must be many a tree cut down sending this stuff out. The stuff coming home can be overwhelming. To always 'remember' to give it to the better half is the least of my concerns.

That being said, because she appears to play the control game does not mean your bf has too concede. You clearly are dealing with only educational 'extraneous' material right now (wait - it gets worse lol!). If I was your bf I would have him contact the school secretary asking who organizes fundraisers for the school (some have a committee, some teachers do it directly through the class etc). Then make a phone call to that contact, keeping the ex outa of it. Kindly let that person now that you wish to actively contribute to your childs education via the fundraising scheme and ask that you be personally contacted when there is a fundraiser.

You take the onus from the bf's ex (which is fraught with anger)and put it on the school. If the school needs the funds they will actively engage with you (and your bf or yourself can become involved too because they need all the help they can get!).

If you don't get contacted don't assume it is because the bf's ex has had a hand; the school might have an extra busy volunteer too! But more than likely, they will seek your money and/or support - she won't have any say in the matter.
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Old 09-04-2013, 12:38 PM
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Every year is the same crap... I applaud those who are able to work things out in the best interest of the children.

BF was never sent the children's report cards in June. He called all summer and was told they would be sent out next week, then the next week and so on. He finally spoke to the Principal instead of just the Secretary, he was told that they had to verify with the ex if it was okay and until they did so they would not be releasing any information...

The SA states;

"4. For the purpose of clarity, it is understood that the Husband shall have access to and be entitled to copies of all medical and educational documents pertaining to either child."

He told the Principal he would gladly provide him with a copy of the SA to prove he is entitled and does not require her permission, however the Principal stated they had a copy but still had to run it by the ex...

How can this be? What is his next step? We had spoke to the school and the school board and things seem to go okay for a couple months and then all the sudden stops. He has even offered (as suggested on this forum) to provide stamped envelopes addressed to him so there is no extra cost, this was denied.

At this point, he has no idea how his children did last semester as Mom never provided the report cards (even though according to the SA she is suppose to)...

Ug...
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Old 09-04-2013, 01:40 PM
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Thanks Oink

I am very similar and like to have everything in order. I require planning and in order to ensure everything goes smoothly I have a day planner stacked full of important dates, appointments, children events, children's school Holidays, ect.

I take education seriously, I can't say the same about my partner as neither him nor his ex graduated high school, but they both have realized that this is not going to cut it for their children. That being said, I think it is important for both parents to see report cards and such and be able to work with the children. I suppose I will never understand why some people are the way they are.

I hope the calendar works out for you... makes things easier if you ask me
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Old 09-04-2013, 02:00 PM
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Politely advise the principal that your agreement was worded in such a way as to avoid the need to consistently go to the ex, as you both agreed that it was in the child's best interests that each of you be involved in the child's education. And that if they do not agree with the wording as provided in the agreement, that you will be forced to speak to the school board and inquire as to whether they agree with the principals position.

You have to be polite and calm. Be the solution, not the problem. But let them know you don't agree with their position and feel your agreement is clear that you do not require confirmation from the ex prior to receiving information on the child.
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