Does anyone have some advice?

[Lisa]

I am not sure that I am in the right forum for this but if anyone has any knowledge, advice, or insight in my issue, please feel free to make your opinion known. Thank you in advance.

My situation is this..... 15 years ago I was with a man who would eventually cheat on me, I had just found out that I was pregnant but had decided to go it alone. I did not tell him about the pregnancy until after the breakup. He made the choice at that time to not have anything to do with me or the children we were expecting. Yes I have twins with this person.

I decided when my children were almost 4 to take the father to court to help with the upbringing of our children. He fought the paternity, DNA was ordered and confirmed. He at that time again gave up all rights and access to the children but was ordered to pay child support.

Two years ago, I guess you can say I was having a brain malfunction, because I allowed this man to re-enter my life as well as my children. It was a great relationship at first, but it deteriorated fast. I soon realized that the only thing he really wanted out of this was our sons and to control our every move.

This man was in the process of starting a divorce with the woman he had cheated on me with. To say that it was a strenuous situation is an understatement. Anyways, we had bought a home together, to which he is still in, and now living with his parents in it.

The children and I have gone through numerous abusive behaviors not only from this man, but his family as well. I have attended the police station so many times regarding threats, assault, harrassment, etc to no avail. The Police did not protect me or my children. The day we moved out, this man was not going to allow us to take anything but our clothing, in the end with Police assistance, he agreed to allow the children to bring their bedroom furniture. He now feels that because he allowed that to happen that he does not have to divide any other contents from our home.

When we left, I was not allowed to take anything for cooking, pots, pans, etc. It was a chore to take some dishes for heaven's sake! Anyways, the furniture stayed in the home, we have a court date coming up to hopefully deal with that.

I have been granted sole custody because of the history but this man is thinking that he deserves 50/50 time with our children. I am sure that it is a financial issue on his side because he does not want to pay child support. He has been to our home a couple of times now, and does not seem to care that there is no furniture for the kids to sit on or to live in a normal home.

He does not do anything for the children, buy them clothes, food, help with supplies, nothing! Yet he feels that he deserves to have more. I know that the courts are trying to push for 50/50 custody on parents, and I am concerned that this may be an issue that he will try to keep in court for a long time to come. My children do not like this man very much, they feel that he is a liar, abusive, and he has caused them much hurt and disappointment along with his family.

My question is has any had to deal with something similar? And does anyone know whether or not I am out of luck with respect to the contents of the home? It was ordered by a judge that it be divided, but he refused at the end. He makes my life a nightmare on a regular basis, as does his family. the Police seem to be more a joke than that of a group of protectors.

I am at a lose for what I can do next to get on with my life, and to help my children get back on track, I moved and hoped he would never find me, he followed a friend of mine and then suddenly he is here. I am not with him but he still feels that he can control me and the kids. PLEASE HELP! I need all I can get.

Thanks

[logicalvelocity]

Lisa,

Sorry to hear about the situation your in.

From what I read in your thread, I suspect you were in a common law relationship with the father of your children.

I suspect you would be entitled to the following,

Child support for the children;

Spousal support - lump sum or periodic payment or both;

any contents that you brought into the relationship - these are yours to begin with; Mutual contents would be divided equally or value of such;

If the matrimonial home was purchased together, you are joint tenants on the deed. Any equity would be divided equally;
AS far as custody and access goes all incidents of such are dertermined on the best interest of the children test and relevant facts pertaining to same.

[Lisa]

Thank you for your reply. You are right, I was in a common law relationship with the father of my children, and yes, the house should be considered a matrimonial home but it is not because I was not on the deed. At the time we purchased it there were certain issues around it, and we figured that we would add my name once we were married. That did not happen. I had already gone through a divorce myself and had been bought out of my home by my ex husband. Because we have a daughter together and he had nothing to furnish it with, I left him all the contents in it because we were buying all new furnishings for our brand new home. Needless to say, it was all bought and carried a debt and still does. I am responsible for half of that debt but he is refusing to allow me to have anything. He has also filed a consumer proposal on all debts, to which I am not, and am struggling to get through it so that I do not have to destroy my life as a result of his failure to pay the debts.

Although I am not legally responsible for the debts because I was either not on the account, or down as an additional card holder, I am still choosing to take the moral highroad and take responsibility for what I am a part of. My issue with this is also the fact that he is trying to have the courts order me to pay 1/2 of the original debt to him only, and I am having troubles getting the information I need to have this resolved. He is refusing under any circumstances to pay support of any kind, and dividing anything. He was served today with the brief and is now telling me that he will not be attending court because he feels that there is no need to go back, as far as he is concerned it is over and he will not do anything else. What is going to happen if he does not show up for court? Will they proceed?

It has taken 2 months to get in court to resolve this and I am greatly concerned. I have bills to pay, and three children to support. I cannot afford to keep paying my bills, lawyer, provide for the children etc.

For this man, everything is a possession, even we were, and that is why he would not leave the house either to even cool down long enough to see things in a different light. He is very abusive and this is documented very thoroughly in all the places that I was told to go. My life has been threatened and he continues to do this, although now it is done on a different level.

As far of custody of the children are concerned I am sure that because of their age I can win that one, because it is not in their best interest to be with him unless supervised because of the mental abuse he has and continues on them. Please keep in mind that this man also stated that he would again give up all rights and access to these children as long as did not ask for support or go after the home. He later stated that it was a test to see what I would do. I had my lawyer draw up documents for this that day, with a stipulation that should he ever change his mind or not comply with it then he would owe everything from the date of separation.

This guy is a trip! Anymore advice?

[Grace]

What a sad situation. Hopefully you have a good lawyer that will advise you. In cases of abusive, Judges like to rule on the side of caution, especially if you can back up your claim, i.e. police reports. You will most likely get sole custody. Also your children are old enough to have a say in access.

As for dividing up the furniture, I'd say forget about it. You will spend more trying to get it in legal fees. Sounds like your ex is not going to make this easy on you, this will make litigation more expensive.

As for serving him legal papers today, I believe he has 30 days to respond, he doesn't have to show up if he has a lawyer that will go on his behalf. If he simply ignores the court date a Judge can make a ruling without him.

Good Luck
Keep us posted,
Grace

[Lisa]

This is a case that has been going for almost a year now, and just when you think that you should be in a settlement conference you are told that you have to almost begin again because I only left the home 2 months ago. You have to serve notice for the conference 7 days in advance. Please note that this man is also self-represented that makes my case extremely hard and most times very frustrating! I know that the furniture is something that I should let go of but alot of this has to do with the principle of it, I let go of the house and all the money that I had invested in it, I do not plan on walking away from everything and this guy get it all and not care even a smidgen about how his children are having to live because of his incompetence. He is not paying a dime to me or the kids, he rarely calls to check on them or to talk to them, but then has the nerve to tell me that he loves me, wants me back, and then with the flic of a switch he wants to destroy me again. I apologize for sounding off a bit but I am getting numerous calls from him at the moment harassing me about what is in the brief. He needs a lawyer so that I would not have to deal with this. And yes I do have a good lawyer, but they can only do the best they can with what they have to deal with, and let me tell you, my lawyer is not happy with this guy and his family either. He has told me that they are evil and that he is a product of his environment!
Anyone who considers moving on and starting a relationship with someone, find out what the family and friends have to say about that person's ex, from experience, I can tell you that I should have ran away...fast! LOL
Thanks for your replies...... I will keep you posted, and please continue to reply to this any help and advise is great!

[Lisa]

One more thing to add to this.... I did contribute to the home just as he did.

[Lisa]

I have another question that I need clarified...... does anyone know whether or not during division of property, is their bedroom furniture become part of the whole division? Or is that a separate thing that is not taken into account? I would like to know because my ex is telling me that it is part of it, and therefore I do not deserve to have anything else. My understanding was that because the kids will not be going to stay at his own at any time, and because at this time I have sole custody that it was not included. Please advise. Thanks

[logicalvelocity]

Case Conference's are generally for procedural issues. Very rarely will a jusge make an order on unsworn conference briefs. Ajudge may give an overview of how a pending motion may unfold. If he has been served, he is obligated to attend. This is court. A judge may make an order in his absence or may adj the conference.

To me I think the children's furniture belong to the children. Who else is going to use it? A jusge may include it in the family assest for division.

I think your still entitled for child support and maybe spousal support.

You could also do an emergency motion for relief after the case conference especially if he doesn't show up.

[Lisa]

Thank you for your help, all I can do is hope that he attends and we get this done and over, I think we need to have closure on this for the kids sake, they need to heal and move past this, and hopefully in a perfect world they can build a relationship with this man and get over the resentment of not having him around 3/4 of their young life.
Thanks again, I will keep you all posted.

[Tim]

Originally Posted by Lisa

I have been granted sole custody because of the history but this man is thinking that he deserves 50/50 time with our children. I am sure that it is a financial issue on his side because he does not want to pay child support. He has been to our home a couple of times now, and does not seem to care that there is no furniture for the kids to sit on or to live in a normal home.

He does not do anything for the children, buy them clothes, food, help with supplies, nothing! Yet he feels that he deserves to have more. I know that the courts are trying to push for 50/50 custody on parents, and I am concerned that this may be an issue that he will try to keep in court for a long time to come. My children do not like this man very much, they feel that he is a liar, abusive, and he has caused them much hurt and disappointment along with his family.

I dont think he deserves 50/50., but he is still the father after all that.
He is allowed to see them, though obviously he is not fit to look after them full time?

Somehow you need to prove this.